jppe

Big Paulie-I certainly didn't intend to open old wounds. You have made me realize that I've been extremely fortunate and have not had to endure the hardships brought on by this disease with anyone in my family. For that I'm very grateful but my heart goes out to those that have been affected in some way or another.

airdvl

You make a point .... . ... ...and have possibly shown us an example of it.

cheeseflavor

My sympathies, jppe. Losing a friend is never easy.

Take care,

Steve

Big Paulie

Thank you, jppe.

Big Paulie

Imagine if your fire captain was an alcoholic, and sent you and your brethern into fires in a completely irrational way that risked all your lives...and did so each and every day. And when you complained, you were told that your captain was a great guy, and whatever problems you have are your own inability to deal with it. How pissed off would you be? A little pissed off? Maybe sort-of pissed off? No, you would be chewing nails and spitting blood pissed off...watching you and your peers put in life-threatening situations every day by a drunken idiot who has complete and total control over you.

That's what it's like growing up in an alcoholic family.

Assuming you survived, you would have so much justifiable anger in you, you would barely be able to function.

For you to imply that the anger and frustration I'm feeling in this thread is somehow analogous to the behavior of an alcoholic over the course of his or her life is disgusting.

Digital Gee

+1

LynnH

Sad, sad thread, but it is our lives, I would hate to think we couldn't talk about it on this forum.

Pamestique 

I think sometimes we need to be smacked in the face with sad news... makes us realize we are mortals and need to care of ourselves and our fellows humans.

3 years ago I lost my best friend and fellow cyclist to a heart attack caused by uncontrolled diabetes. He knew he had diabetes he just never took care of it or himself. He ate poorly, he didn't see the doctor, he just didn't do what he was suppose to. I got so mad at him for not taking care of himself and leaving me like that but I did realize I needed to be better about myself and know if I knew someone isn't taking care of things, I'm going to nag and harp until they do.

My brother in law is suffering from alcholism right now. I guess I can walk away, most of his family has, including my sister, his wife, but I just can't. I nag him every week. Of course, he doesn't listen to a word I say but that doesn't stop me from nagging 'cause one day... I don't get the alcholol and drug thing - I've never smoked, done of that but it's still very much with us. People die every day from alcholol, drug and cigarette relatyed illnesses and all are preventable.

People - start nagging! I mean it!. Make it miserable for your love one to destroy themself.

My condolences, I do understand the frustration, hurt and lost. Nothing makes it better but time.

jppe

In reflecting, I wish I had nagged more so that might be part of the "wishing I had done more". It surprised me it got to the point it did so quickly. I probably assumed others that were even closer to him were nagging him and he would get it. If we're going to get addicted to something let's just hope it's something that's healthy.....

big john

Speaking as the alcoholic son of an alcoholic, I can tell you that "nagging" will rarely do any good. Sometimes an intervention with loved ones can have an effect, but usually change has to come from within. In my father's case, he wouldn't listen to anything from anyone. His was truly a hopeless case.
I got so sick that I thought I might die, and that alone didn't even deter me until I found out that there were people who loved me. I quit drinking more than 20 years ago and I know I'll never start again, but trying to get someone else to stop is a tough job. Even the so-called experts don't have a very good success rate with alcoholism.
Pam, I hope that someone can show your brother in law how he is hurting people who care about him.

Bud Bent

I agree. My father was an alcoholic, and no amount of nagging would keep him from his self destruction. For many people, it takes something drastic like prison time from dwi or an organized intervention from family and friends, but for some people, even that doesn't do it.

And so it is for many of the self-destructive things we do. Everyone has the one family member that everyone keeps trying to help out, but it never works because he won't help himself. Change truly does have to come from within, and all we can do is not reinforce the bad, and try to encourage the good. Usually, we just can't solve other people's problems, no matter what we do.

Long ago, in a class I took, a teacher had a discussion about how the first step of solving a problem was owning the problem, and how we couldn't solve problems we didn't own (and other people's problems fall into that category), and that we shouldn't even stress out over problems that we couldn't solve. I've always remembered that, and reminded myself of it when I was getting bent out of shape over someone else's problem.

But, as I said in an earlier post, none of that makes it any easier for us when someone we know self destructs.

Terrierman

It certainly does not and in my opinion only serves to show that it is important to do what one can for the family and friends that are left behind to deal with the aftermath.