Yes, this is tongue-in-cheek. But not really. I don't like the guy and I think I can whoop him.

I know a gentleman with a lot of disposable income which he disposes of very freely when it comes to bikes.

His first bike was an expensive dual suspension Gary Fisher. He would only ride it on the local cyclocross course, and I'm pretty sure he's never had to wash it because he never got it dirty.

Then he bought an expensive Italian road bike, which he only rides around the block because gosh he doesn't think it's safe to take it out of his neighborhood.

I really came across him at a spin class where he reminded me that he's a really good cyclist. At least that was what he was telling a cath tech he was hitting upon. It was as if he was taking a cheese grater to the nipple of my ire.

I want to challenge him to a gentleman's duel. My preference is to invite him to the Saturday morning 35 mile group ride, with the understanding that whichever of us finishes ahead has the biggest testicles.

If he was afraid of that, I guess we could race crit-style at a nearby park, which is a one mile circuit with minimal traffic. However, he's 15 years younger than I am. I would do better in a group ride where I could take advantage of my greater road and group ride experience.

As they say, age and treachery can overcome youth and talent.

How would you go about it?

Just pass on it.

And stay away from those cheese graters.

Next time he starts bragging just challenge him right then and there. Let us know how many minutes/seconds you win by.

Get him to go out on one of your "favorite" rides. Take him way out in the deliverance boonies - you know, where you can hear the banjos play, then drop him like a hot potato. If he shows up the next day - see if he is walking a little funny

If he wins, he gets a free colonoscopy. If you win you get his Italian bike. Sounds fair to me!!

Best response I've read in ages, Dnvr. With that bet, either way it turns out he takes one up the you know where and TWL comes out the winner!

This sounds a lot like a situation that happened at work several years ago.

My co-worker/riding bud is a BEAST on a bike; I've seen him, after 35-50 mile rides on MTBs, tear off a half-mile sprint, while I can barely turn the pedals.

One of our managers, a VERY former soccer player 30 years ago, challenged him by saying, "I can kick your ass in a bike race!" After we both got done laughing, I piped in with, "You couldn't beat ME, much less HIM!"

We mapped out a 1-mile course. This, btw, was in 2002.

The race never happened; when I saw that manager last year, much grayer and pouch-bellied, I told him, "Ron's still waiting for his race."

He grinned, never spoke another word, and left the store.

Why not just ask him to go on a friendly ride or a group ride and see how it goes? If he sees he can't keep up with you, he'll stop bragging in your presence.

+1
This way, if it turns out he can hang with you, he never has to know you were trying to kick his ass.

Nothin more disgusting than a pretender hittin on young-uns. I bet she can see through it. But he needs reality. Whether its a group ride or a challenge (I like the straight up honest duel idea) find out the truth. And nothin like kickin some pretender's rear end to make you feel 15 years younger.

What if he can beat you?

My new most favorite BF quote. A magnificent turn of phrase, sir, and worthy of our respect and admiration.

He sounds different to the members of our local spinning class. At least he has bikes to ride--Probably to keep him in trim for the spinning class.

I mentioned to my Spinning class a few years ago that there was a local Easy ride at the weekend that was fun a few years ago. No-One talked to me after that- just in case I persuaded them to come out on a ride.

That's what I think too. You're letting this guy have free rent inside of your head.

That's I feel to. He doesn't know he's a jerk, but someday he'll wake up. Hopefully anyhow.

I know your basal functions are afraid he'll be the one to pass his genes on by producing offspring with the cath tech, but given the reality of the way we've organized our societies for the last 6000 years that opportunity probably isn't open to you anyhow.

tcs

I suppose pistols are out of the question...

He might surprise you. There was a young fellow that once made some fun of me. I'm overweight, bald, have bad knees and more. I ride a mtn bike with fairly skinny tires and have to ride a bit more upright these days, with torn rotator cuffs in both shoulders. We ended up on a ride up a mountain together. I want to say about 25 miles of solid uphill (Alaska Range). He was clearly more fit than I, by a large margin. But after about 15 miles he was done. Psychologically he had to stop and rest. I kept goading him to continue but we stopped. He hasn't given me any more static since. We both know he's stronger and in better shape. And we both know that I do well given my body at this time. Your "friend" may have more reasons than you know for being a weenie. If you approached him as a friend, offering to ride with him instead of trying to humiliate him, who knows? You might end up with a good riding partner.

Some people who brag really are that good. Better watch out.

The cath tech's hot, ay? You might try enlisting her to set up the match. Something along the lines of "oh, sure. I'll bet old Link there could ride circles around you" and you could shyly respond "Oh shucks, I wouldn't want to embarrass young Graterface" and then make sure there's a cardiologist around when the race is run.

Years ago, I learned that pissing contests take up way too much of my time and energy and money; time, energy, and money that could be better used doing something more constructive, like with family and friends.

Were there a couple of responses that were yanked? Little matter other than leaving me more confused than ever. I suppose my reference to Meg Ryan movies was a bit harsh.

Anyway, I must confess that "taking a cheese grater to the nipple of my ire" is a wonderful quote I lifted from the Velocast. Scott and John can really turn a phrase. I recommend you listen to them for that reason alone.

The cath tech is pretty hot. It's of only theoretic interest to me, but the other guy is married and, Puritan that I am, it chuffed me to see him hitting up a winsome cath tech. The phrase "I'm a busy orthopedic surgeon" bothered me a bit, too.

The proper thing is of course to invite him to the "slow and easy" 35 miler on Saturday mornings. That would be a win-win situation. If he pulls away from me, I can claim it was a recovery ride. If I leave him in the dust, he can counter-claim all he wants but he'll know that I kicked his ass.

Who knows, we might even become best friends, although I doubt it.

Another excellent turn of a phrase. I'm gonna remember this one.

D.G., You took the words right off of my fingertips! Good one, Grouch!

It's not original with me. If you were a friend of Bill W. you'd hear that a lot.