My education as a cyclist continues. This summer, I have discovered two ways to guarantee I won't get flats:

1. Carry two tubes and a patch kit on your bike, plus a tire boot, plus a pump.

The more s*** you carry on your bike to be prepared for a flat, the less likely you will be to have a flat. I have never flatted while carrying more than two pounds of spare tools. You can take that to the bank. (A corollary to this rule: you will never break a spoke if you are carrying spare spokes and a spoke wrench).

2. Buy new tires.

Notice -- I did *not* say change your tires. Just wait until you are having lots of flats, rule out every other possible explanation, and then buy new tires for your bike. Then put them on a shelf in your garage -- once you have spent the money on new tires, your flats will completely cease. You can continue running around on your old tires, w/no flats, once you have contributed a sufficient amount of funds to the Bicycling Economy.

I am pretty sure that this will work *until* you have waited so long to install the new tires that you have forgotten where you put them. Then, your flats will start up again....you can buy yet *another* set of tires...and then the first set of tires you purchased will magically reappear.

You can thank me later.

I'm glad to hear this, since I have a pack of 5 tubes and a (I know I'm going to need it before too long) spare tire wending their to me from an online order.

Wait.. does it still work if you talk about it? Uh oh.

Probably not. It's the flip side to Murphy's Law. If bad things always happen at the worst possible time it stands to reason that they can't happen when you're prepared for them.

Being prepared is good. The more prepared you are the less likely you are to ever need those preperations.
Bragging to other people about how prepared you are - not so good.

I'm thinking that both you ane Benge are basically doomed.

Don't mess with the flat gods. They don't have a sense of humor.

The flat gods know everyone who clicks on this thread. If you've read this far, you're doomed too.

I don't even want to read this thread. Shame on you, Benge Boy, for even posting it.

What thread? Oh Continentus, I'm sacrificing a goat to you now. Never liked the mutt.

Carry spare spoke and you won't break any??!
Broke 2 rear spoke nipples in the past month. Yes, have a spot to carry 2 spare spokes under our tandem's boob tube.
Rear wheel getting new nipples (non-alloy this time).

Buy expensive raingear and mount fenders on your bike. A surefire method of preventing rain.*

* Does not apply to those living in the Pacific Northwest USA.

I was going to say there was a third way - don't ride the bike. But then I remembered the time my bike developed a flat just hanging from it's hook.

The only correction is that you have to do BOTH. It's not enough to carry all the flat repair stuff, OR have new tires sitting on the shelf ready to go.

I recently got 2 flats. I carry 2 tubes, patch kit, boot, 2 CO2's and a mini-pump. But my Vittoria's are getting worn and most importantly - I DO NOT HAVE NEW SPARE TIRES SITTING ON A SHELF OR INSIDE A DRAWER.

Thus my first 2 flats in 2 years.

SB

I agree with this one; I 've got two pairs of tires sitting on the garage shelf and all that's happening is the tops of my tires are getting flatter...

Actually, if you buy a $100 rain jacket, it will still rain. It you buy a $250 rain jacket, it will NOT rain.

I sure way to guarantee a flat, no matter what, is to compliment your current tires, saying they haven't flatted in over a 1,000 miles. Then be prepared to break out your tire kit on your next trip.

I was wondering how I was going to find those tires I put away.

So.. that means that you're just as bad as a script kiddy sending us viruses attached to free sex emails..... er ...... not that I'd know anything about that.... um.......

So I guess if I just get one of those towing setups and haul a spare bike, mine won't ever need any sort of maintenance. You could be onto something here.

I think you would have to buy an expensive new bike for that to work.

That would work, but then you'd need a spare trailer to make sure this one remains operative, and then....

I'm thankful Denver found this thread. He is always talking about flats. But, I've never seen him have one. I Have seen him sell a tube to a person we met along the trail who not only had a flat, but obviously had no clue, nor did anyone in his party.

So buying tubes by the case may not be a personal good but it certainly is a societal good.

I still laugh at the flat fairy!

I reserve my flats as a personal, not-to-be-shared experience. It is sort of a "Zen" thing.

Perhaps there is a whole new after-retirement career to be had on our local MUPS. Selling tubes to bicyclists who have no clue. I would have given it to him (I usually do), but they seemed so woefully unprepared, and he seemed so unwilling to listen to any advice, that I thought it might need to hurt just a bit. ANd, I sold for less than I paid for it. I guess I am not a very good businessman.

OK, I confess. There are times I actually like fixing flats. Don't know how to explain it other than it gives me some modicum of pleasure to know that I'm self-sufficient enough to not let a flat keep me from my journey. I've especially started to take a perverse pleasure in not carrying tire levers anymore. I'm able to remove and mount my tires without them. (Yes, I know there will come a day when my hands are not strong enough to do this.)

I told my LBS that I was able to mount a Specialized Armadillo (the older model) with no levers, and he said, "You are hired!"

There is also an axiom about being prepared....Folks who carry survival kits don't need them, those who don't, do.