"Winding Down" after bad encounters
 

I suppose it happens to all of us- hating motorists aiming their twisted logic at us in all sorts of forms...

My inquiry to fellow cyclists, for you, how long does it take in general to wind down from such an encounter? Personally it certainly spoils the ride itself (happened today), then I tend to dwell on it- like what could I have done differently- to even a faint paranoia about running into the same clod the next day. It takes a few days to recover so to speak.

Anyone like to share?

I just shake my head and mutter 'that wasn't necessary' and forget about it promptly. But I don't get a lot of such encounters and they're usually fairly mild.

This.

I've yet to have an altercation in the 18 years that I've been seriously cycling. I'm a humble wage slave.

However I was angry with a co worker awhile back that lasted a few days, quite unusual for me. I used that rage in the gym & made some good gains. It's quite incredible the strength you have from such adrenaline, it can be quite dangerous with the wrong personality.

Best to let it go. At the end of the day your still alive to ride another day.:)

If the person just yelled something ... it's a big ol' shrug shoulders. People yap. It's what they do. And it's even funnier if they stick their heads out the window and let their gums flap in the breeze like a dog. :lol:

A couple weekends ago we were followed by someone who honked and honked and honked and honked all the way through a narrow section of road. I'm guessing we were supposed to pull over and stop and let the person by. We just found it funny and had quite a laugh.


Or was it actually serious ... like when they throw a glass bottle at you, hit you, or door you from behind?

I "Breathe" the Jesus Prayer

Jesus Prayer

I know what you mean, OP. I've had some ugly encounters and it usually takes me a while to put it behind me. I try not to think about it though, and try and focus on other things - not let it ruin my ride. You just have to accept that there are some complete ***holes in the world.

And hey worrying you might end up in front of the same person's car the next day isnt unreasonable, lot's of crazy people out there. Be vigilant!

About a second to get back to my ride. Someone yelling at me? I usually can't understand a word they're saying.

I might remember and think about close encounters for years or decades, but I'll continue the ride, and deal with other aspects of "life".

I just call on my inner Deebo.

Here comes Deebo

https://j.gifs.com/Z4R05R.gif

Seriously, I don't get rattled like I did when I was younger. I just shrug it off now.

During Tuesday's ride some car drifted into my lane on a curve, then honked at me for being too close. Whatevs. :innocent:

Seriously. I don't hear that well anyway, and add in any other noise, and I just hear about one word of what they were screaming. I'm sure they got home safe feeling like they "showed me" or something of the sort, but I can't worry about that. Life is far too short to be that angry. I've gotten buzzed and still had good rides. Sure, I've had a few close calls, but I find that bikes are cathartic in that regard.

I was a retail manager for many years and what worked for me then with awful customers was the same thing that works for me in these situations. I stop and recognize that anyone who acts like an a-hole probably has a pretty lousy life and that's why they behave that way. I repeat my mantra "My life is great and your life sucks" over and over and in a few minutes, I am good again. Feel free to borrow it. It really works.

You have a choice. To dwell on it or to move past it. When you choose to dwell on it you are giving them all the control. Don't allow others to control your emotions.

One smoke, if I've brought any on the ride.

These moments of receiving motorist hate are rare for me, maybe a few times a year? I don't count honks, 'cause they're usually fairly benign.

Usually, it'll immediately piss me off greatly if someone yells at or threatens me, but I'm mostly over it after a few minutes. It may pop up in my thoughts again later, but will not over take them. Like others have said, it's our choice. I choose not to let the terrorists win!

Sometimes bicyclist's need to be honked at or maybe raise a hand to show "what are you doing?" Drive around VCU in Richmond and these kids weave and bob in between traffic, disobey lights, ride as close to you as they can so they don't have to stop. ETc..ETc...ETc.....

It takes 10-15 seconds usually. Don't dwell on it.

That's what I think too.

I have (pretty well) gotten over the urge to "get back at them". Intellectually, I think that the best thing is to do nothing. When you stick up your middle finger, or respond in some similar way, you are telling them that they won. They were successful in upsetting you. If you can bring yourself to smile and simply ride on, they have gone to all that trouble for nothing. They've failed.

I'm a strong believer in the Karma thing too. Those people have to contend with disagreeable people all day, every day because everybody else reflects their negative attitude back at them. What a miserable existence that must be! You and I only have to contend with the occasional (and they are a vast minority) jerk.

it helps if you have more riding to do after the encounter

2 miles from my start. had an encounter, one rainy morning, on my way to work, bunch a yrs ago. plummer van buzzed me & cut back in front of me, on a blind curve, in the rain, over a small narrow bridge. he just couldn't wait until the coast was clear. cudda killed me or someone else. lucky there was no child in the rd or car coming in the opposite direction.

caught up to him at the stop sign by the post office. let into him like a windmill in a tornado (verbally)

stopped traffic while I berated him. sh*t-for-brains actually started to grin cuz I was so upset. until I threatened him with reporting his plate to the town police. being an independent contractor, that slapped the smile off his face right quick

sent him on his way with new knowledge about cycling, auto safety & my town

I got so riled up I got "Scissor leg" aka "Elvis Presley Syndrome", or "Disco knee" (technical explanation: build-up of lactic acid in the muscle. Prolonged contraction of the muscle causes lactic acid to build up more quickly than your circulation system can remove it. The lactic acid in the muscle causes involuntary, spastic contractions in the muscle)

pretty upsetting when you see your life is potentially in jeopardy. only other time I had that leg thing happen was rock climbing

glad that the next part of my ride was a steep hill to climb plus another fast 11 miles to the office

I commute about 100 miles every day. While I've had a couple bad experiences on a bike, I've had far more in a car just doing that drive. Yes, people will shout at you in a car out their car window, too.

At this point, PO'd crazy drivers simply don't faze me in any way while I'm operating any vehicle. I've simply come to expect it as a part of a system where anyone with a pulse is allowed to drive.

Something I try to live with, even off the bike.

Four things help me deal with "winding down" after "rude" or dangerous motorist encounters:

1) Podcasts. I listen to spoken word podcasts while riding. One ear, curbside. My attention is quickly back on the podcast conversation (usually).

2) Improv. I joined an improv comedy/theater troup six years ago. It is like team story-telling, and you don't have control over where the story goes. You may get a brilliant idea or irresistible detail to add to the scene, but if the story zigs, where you thought it would zag, you must clear your head of those notions, re-evaluate the situation and move on. What's more, the famous improv mantra of "yes, and..." means you accept the "current reality" and contribute to it in a positive manner. It's kinda like sports or music. You get certain types of physical or mental habits, and one is "drop it, and move on." This has helped me in all aspects of my life, work, personal and family. So when an inconsiderate, motorist, a self-centered client, a family emergency or life itself throws me an unexpected curve, I am calmer, more positive and better able to move on.

3) Helmet Cam. "Let's go to the tape..." they used to say for sports replays. I have been videotaping my rides for the last few years. I have found that certain close calls aren't so close on review. A few times now I have had beligerant motorists begin yelling and even one exit their vehicle and come towards me. I simply point to my helmet cam and say "You're on video!" So far that has stopped them in their tracks (literally), altough I have seen internet videos where it hasn't. If I feel threatened I have the license plate, make and model of the driver, plus his or her face to offer to the authorities. But I've only done that once, where as three times I have used that info to call the company whose owns a commercial vehicle to compliment the driver on thoughtful or courteous behavior.

4) Age and Experience. This is the toughest strategy to come by. I'm 55 and I'm just generally calmer than I was at 25. My body reacts more slowly, my mind takes more time to process events. Fitting the current "situation" into the big picture takes longer because the "picture" gets bigger every year and there is more context and life experience to filter through. You have been through these situations before and they are less of a big deal. Sure, some older people are still quick to react, but I think most people become more circumspect the older they get.

4b) Other, bigger problems in life. Here's Woody Allen in the movie "Annie Hall": “I feel that life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. That's the two categories. The horrible are like, I don't know, terminal cases, you know, and blind people, crippled. I don't know how they get through life. It's amazing to me. And the miserable is everyone else. So you should be thankful that you're miserable, because that's very lucky, to be miserable.”

The fact that you've identified a behavior that you want to change, and that you've asked for solutions, shows you posess self awareness and a desire to improve. You'll be fine.

Luckily, I rarely get yelled or honked at. I try a friendly wave when I does happen. It helps to have "short term memory" when it comes to these encounters. The only time I get more stirred up is when I feel someone deliberately did something dangerous that could have hurt me.

"Winding Down" after bad encounters

Quote:

Originally Posted by Motolegs (Post 19394005) I suppose it happens to all of us- hating motorists aiming their twisted logic at us in all sorts of forms... My inquiry to fellow cyclists, for you,how long does it take in general to wind down from such an encounter? Personally it certainly spoils the ride itself (happened today), then I tend to dwell on it- like what could I have done differently- to even a faint paranoia about running into the same clod the next day. It takes a few days to recover so to speak. Anyone like to share? Quote: Originally Posted by Retro Grouch (Post 19394861) …I have (pretty well) gotten over the urge to "get back at them". Intellectually, I think that the best thing is to do nothing. When you stick up your middle finger, or respond in some similar way, you are telling them that they won. They were successful in upsetting you. If you can bring yourself to smile and simply ride on, they have gone to all that trouble for nothing. They've failed. I'm a strong believer in the Karma thing too. … Quote: Originally Posted by TimothyH (Post 19394113) I "Breathe" the Jesus Prayer Jesus Prayer

Nearly all my bad encounters that upset me are those passing too close (IMO). Rarely do I get yelled at, and usually can’t hear / understand the message. Here’s how I release steam and calm down quickly:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jim from Boston (Post 19123165) …How to get the message out? I find threads about what to say to a driver futile, since these are brief, often emotion laden encounters, and often the cyclist makes a bad impression. I have in the past posted about giving “bicyclist curses,” and “bicyclist blessings”; about five (5) blessings a day, and about three (3) curses a week. See also the sign below, on my commute through Brookline. Quote: Originally Posted by Jim from Boston (Post 18855683) …I have those exact thoughts whenever I am passed, even when not too close by motorist who does not slow down or move over slightly, just as an indication that they notice me. I always think those self-absorbed cagers are only restrained by the thought of scratching their cars, or the hassle of filing police reports. My only satisfactory retribution is to give them my previously-described Bicyclist Curse. (I repeatedly jab my pointed right index finger in their direction, while shouting an accusatory, ”You, you, you…”). The possibility of metaphysical retribution is more satisfying than the middle finger. :notamused: I do also bestow Bicyclist Blessings on drivers who show even a modicum of respect, with a wave of the hand. ….

It's a challenge, but I find humor is the best medicine.

I like to laugh and blow kisses - like this week when some knuckle-head leaned out the passenger window to yell something, all I could hear is "... *****... ". I really hoped to catch them at the next light to record a conversation (w/ helmet mounted GoPro), but they made the green and I got the red.

Other days don't go so well, like when I'm stressed out, tired, or have been harassed by multiple drivers. Then I tend to use the one-finger-salute and then fume for a few miles. On days like this, I make a focused effort to get in the present and forget the A-holes and get my mind on the road in front of me.

I have to say, when I was a daily bike-commuter, it was easier to laugh it off because it was just a part of every ride (I'm not kidding). But I moved to a home-office two years ago, now I find myself avoiding rush-hour for my rides; now the morons honking and yelling are more unnerving. But, we must remember: Don't let the bastards get you down!

Here's a nice list of responses that will help you keep your humor and not get unsettled:

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This.