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Time For a Serious Topic

Old 07-21-22, 05:31 PM
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Paul Barnard
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Time For a Serious Topic

As I peruse the thread titles here, it occurs to me that we don't delve deeply into serious topics often enough. The shape of chain rings, kit fit, tires and sun, blah blah blah, ad infinitum.

I was riding with a girlfriend a while back. I developed a gas bubble that urgently needed to be vented. Without hesitation, I lifted the right cheek and let 'er rip. It was muffled but audible. Cheryl was shocked. "You hike a cheek to fart?" she gasped.

I had never thought about it before. It just seemed natural. Then I started paying attention. On the bike I always hike the right. There are two reasons. The first is that with the padding kinda packed up in there, it feels like there's too much pressure while seated to let a good one loose. The second is that it feels like I have a little more control over that check valve that keeps farts dry when I can lift and clench a little. Cheryl insists that hiking is completely wrong.

Am I doing it right or wrong?

Last edited by Paul Barnard; 07-22-22 at 07:48 PM.
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Old 07-21-22, 05:39 PM
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Depends on if you are riding with your girlfriend, Cheryl.

What does your wife say?

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Old 07-21-22, 05:44 PM
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you're supposed to ***** yourself.
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Old 07-21-22, 05:44 PM
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Doing the aero lean fools the power meter thinking you just mashed out a heavy load of watts.
lifting up any cheek tends to add drag & stops the pedaling.
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Old 07-21-22, 05:49 PM
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Having to hike a cheek means you are enlisting your glutes and hamstrings in the process of “pressure relief.
This tells me you have a weak pelvic floor; put some effort into training your adductors/abductors and do some kegels. Over time, you’ll find you will be able to achieve a much more progressive pressure adjustment.

Also, if your chamois is “packed up in there,” you might need a flatter saddle profile.
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Old 07-21-22, 05:54 PM
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Cutout saddles are best for this predicament.
Slide forward to maximize your release area.
No lifting required.

Glad I could contribute in a meaningful way.
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Old 07-21-22, 06:05 PM
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Originally Posted by CAT7RDR View Post
Cutout saddles are best for this predicament.
Slide forward to maximize your release area.
No lifting required.

Glad I could contribute in a meaningful way.

This is the kind of thoughtful content I was hoping to generate. I ride seats with large relief channels. I am going to try this, though I am a bit concerned that it doesn't address the check valve issue.
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Old 07-21-22, 06:15 PM
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Originally Posted by Paul Barnard View Post
This is the kind of thoughtful content I was hoping to generate. I ride seats with large relief channels. I am going to try this, though I am a bit concerned that it doesn't address the check valve issue.
quit farting around & go do it.
Sharts happen. Do it loud & proud!
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Old 07-21-22, 06:15 PM
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The most important thing is to ensure your derriere's phase discrimination (solid/liquid/gas) is fully functional. The decision to employ a cheek lift and right vs. left side preference are matters of personal taste. If a phase discrimination error occurs (colloquially termed a "shart"), this is a whole separate topic, and protocols for dealing with this situation are too complex to effectively discuss here.

Really glad you've brought a serious tone to the general cycling forum.
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Old 07-21-22, 06:30 PM
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Clarification needed: Was this on a tandem bicycle? If it was, were you the stoker?
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Old 07-21-22, 06:31 PM
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Sounds like this may be a persistent issue……I do hope your purchasing carbon credits to offset your methane production…..
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Old 07-21-22, 06:41 PM
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Originally Posted by skidder View Post
Clarification needed: Was this on a tandem bicycle? If it was, were you the stoker?
Nope, on the tandem I get into that downhill tuck position.
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Old 07-21-22, 06:49 PM
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Originally Posted by Paul Barnard View Post
Cheryl was shocked. "You hike a cheek to fart" she gasped?

Am I doing it right or wrong?
Wrong. The question mark goes inside the quote.
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Old 07-21-22, 06:54 PM
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Originally Posted by SurferRosa View Post
Wrong. The question mark goes inside the quote.

LOLOLOL. I actually had it there first and moved it. And to think I minored in English writing.
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Old 07-21-22, 07:00 PM
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Perhaps the OP questioned whether she gasped her last breath?
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Old 07-21-22, 07:43 PM
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Pretty soon someone will inform us that your flatulence is the result of staring at your front wheel because you’re riding a DF bike.
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Old 07-21-22, 07:45 PM
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This ‘episode’ reminds me of the Jato Rocket Car https://darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin1995-04.html
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Old 07-21-22, 07:53 PM
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I can't seem to rip one when I'm in the saddle. I need to give it a half-sprint out of the saddle with a slight pause thrown in.
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Old 07-21-22, 08:20 PM
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Cheryl must be a long term girlfriend. I waited until after our first wedding anniversary to bust ass in front of my bride.
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Old 07-21-22, 08:31 PM
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Originally Posted by Chuck M View Post
Cheryl must be a long term girlfriend. I waited until after our first wedding anniversary to bust ass in front of my bride.
have to put it in the prenup for the bride to be in accepting of the fart exposure. Going a year without lettin er rip is a long time to be flexing the sphincter & puborectalis muscles. Now if you happen to have a Taco Bell consumption problem.... all bets are off.
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Old 07-21-22, 08:34 PM
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Originally Posted by krakhaus View Post
I can't seem to rip one when I'm in the saddle. I need to give it a half-sprint out of the saddle with a slight pause thrown in.
You get it. It's just not possible to loose a gratifying blast with full seat contact.
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Old 07-21-22, 08:35 PM
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Originally Posted by Troul View Post
h puborectalis muscles.
Is that the scientific name for the check valve?
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Old 07-21-22, 08:52 PM
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Originally Posted by Mojo31 View Post
Depends on if you are riding with your girlfriend, Cheryl.
If the girlfriend is wearing adult diapers then I would stick with the wife.
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Old 07-21-22, 09:15 PM
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You could add a poll, but I think it would clearly favor hiking over not hiking.

Otto
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Old 07-21-22, 09:21 PM
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I wish I got $200 every time I pass gas. See what I did there?
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