I'd go along with the wife's wishes. There's plenty of things to argue about in a marriage. Maybe just wear a looser jersey so you feel a more casual. You've mentioned these types of rides are a challenge for her, insisting on wearing casual clothing is like saying to her "jeez, this is nothing for me." And I get it is not big deal to cruise along at 12 MPH for 10 miles. But it is for her.

It also may help her feel more like your a team or at least signally you're a couple doing this together. In other words, maybe it just makes it more fun for her. And if you have an interest in growing or just maintaining her interest in cycling, the more fun you can make it for her, the better.

My and my wife's cycling is similar. I ride a lot, she not some much on an eBike. Sometime we ride together as part of the start or end of my much longer ride. But when we just do a ride together on a MUP. I still tend to wear my bibs, just becasue I find them more comfortable. But I will wear a loose fitting jersey as I feel sort of stupid in tight kit and road helmet just cruising along. I usually ride my hard tail MTB for those, so I wear the MTB helmet.

Not to worry. Your look is "biking enthusiast", not " serious cyclist " . No snark intended, just an observation.

To clarify; at my age and level of conditioning, my look is "recreational cyclist" at best. No pic required.

My wife absolutely shreds on ski’s. After much work and effort, I can sort of follow her down now.

When we met, we were both pretty serious climbers, over time the shoulder injuries have added up for me and not her. I can’t even pretend to be on equal footing with her anymore.

Shes an accomplished trail runner, I have a screw in my foot.

But on the bike, she’s overly cautious, and never willing to really try hard. Bikes for her are casual day off activities. I don’t complain. I think it’s healthy to have a few activities that the other person doesn’t do.

Fwiw, she makes fun of me in my road bike getup. I think she’s ok with my MTB look.

Just curious, has your wife ever asked you to do something that seems unreasonable to you? If so, have you ever complied?

If you're going full kit, at some point in the ride you've got to "drope the hamer" and give her "the look."

No, I don’t think she has.

My wife and I had vastly different speeds and climbing abilities on our single bikes which she found very frustrating. She always wanted us to ride together, but also didn’t want to hold me back or have me wait for her on top of a hill. Talk about a dilemma. We ended up buying a tandem, “the great equalizer” and she virtually gave up riding her single. The surprising thing is that when we rode together, she wanted to chase down every rider that had the nerve to pass. After a couple of summers riding together we knocked off a century which she wouldn’t have even dreamt of on her own. The tandem was transformative for our riding,

As for dress, I can sympathize with you. When we rode singles together, at first, I too didn’t want to look like a poser because the speeds were so low. But for me to dress down would have been insulting to her so I wore my usual kit. You are doing the right thing by swallowing your pride and dressing as she would prefer.

We still ride together but her RA won’t allow her to ride the tandem any longer, so she has an e-bike. She can absolutely kill me on steep climbs and I am putting out max watts and still falling behind. Now I know how she felt.

Just make casual comments about how girls pinch your butt and say how nice your kit is. That will get her to back off the matchy-matchy Hallmark attitude.

Image shimmage. The paradox I see here is that your wife isn't a "serious cyclist", yet whether you're riding together or you alone, she wants to have that projected, either by you as a pair or by you alone. Since your married to her, she believes she is entitled to command/demand you to always project the very image that she herself doesn't live up to. She wants you to be something she isn't. Hence the conflict, the impossibility !

This is where marriages/relationships get effed up. Looking at/to someone else to be something you're not. To be "completed" .... cringing as I say those words. A basic misrepresentation of what relationships represents. Relations, relating ... how One relates. There's nothing missing in that, no completions to be done, because there could be no relating at all in the first place if One wasn't already complete.

+2

It's like if Derek Jeter's wife makes him dress up in his Yankees uniform when he plays catch with the kids in the back yard.

Count it as a blessing if your spouse will do any activity with you that you enjoy. And kudos to anyone that will give up pace or speed to do an activity you enjoy with a slower partner.

“Remember darling, don’t be a snook. It’s not how you feel but how you look. And you look marvelous!” Billy Crystal SNL

fify.

It does, in part because the request seems like the opposite of what many spouses would ask for. Mrs. GeneJockey, for example, says she doesn't mind my wearing cycling kit while I'm riding because nobody would recognize me. This is said in jest - I think....

My Wife willing to get on a bike and go for a ride?

Hell... I would wear anything she wanted. Including lip stick and a tutu...

Of course that would be an Austin ride... Ha

I think the cyclist look is pretty ridiculous.

I try not to be an unpaid marketer.

Those who matter don’t mind, those who mind don’t matter.

I think maybe you messed up in getting your wife to think about performance. If you guys confined your cycling done together to casual cycling to your favorite nature preserve or coffee shop or whatever you’d probably have a more enjoyable cycling relationship.

The only physical competition my wife beats me at is miniature golf. So guess what? If we play a sport on a date it’s always miniature golf.

No. The Admiral and I have little in common when it comes to sports and physical activities, but if we did, I'm wearing what I want to wear, and if she says "so folks know we are serious cyclists" I'd just throw a "we?" in there. Our favorite equivalent right now is" This is how I know you cheat at Wordle", but we've been married since '97, and together for about another decade, so don't try this at home...

I am envious of you guys. By riding my wife's bike (Electra Loft 7D) on two rides (once to get it home from REI, and once with my son after having taken apart my own hybrid bike), I have already ridden it further than she has.

When a wife suggests that her husband should wear nicer clothes for a particular event or activity, the underlying message (often) is that he is dressed like a slob.

Anyone who bases their decisions on what they assume other people think of them is wasting their time and energy.

In my experience, telling my wife that her opinions are a waste of time and energy probably isn't going to go very well for me.

Also, if she asks, "You're wearing that?" this is always a rhetorical question, i.e., "Yes" is not an acceptable answer. The question is actually code for "You're not wearing that. Go back upstairs and change." :)

I don’t have this issue. My wife prefers to walk rather than bike. So the most common thing for us is an early morning walk with us and the dogs, if she and I both have time. If we don’t both have time, one of us will try to take them out if the weather allows it.

For the last year, I’ve actually skewed my exercise mix more toward walking and running, so that I have more exercise time with her and with the dogs and it’s been a real plus. Obviously less cycling-specific training but I’m not interested in training for an event, so that isn’t an issue for me. In fact, I prefer a broader mix during the week.

Otto

To be clear.....my comment was not meant to be a criticism, just a statement of fact.