Velominati
 

Can someone explain this for me? It’s a joke, si?
https://cimg8.ibsrv.net/gimg/bikefor...84376c90e.jpeg

It is making fun of cycling culture. Laughing at ourselves.

Mostly.

Blasphemy!

I'll bet you wear ankle socks and your bar tape and saddle are different colors.

For shame.

You got it. I use a saddle bag, too. While wearing my WC jersey.

https://media.tenor.com/MRk0G7hEXzAA...sappointed.gif
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Reliable way to diagnose head-up-ass syndrome

Unfortunately terminal in many patients

I see the code is up to 95 now. Too many rules for thee.
I would be yelled at a lot on any serious group rides.

Through normalization, its become meta.

Fun. Cool. Informative in its way. Rule #5 is deadly serious, as is the wearing of number 13 upside down. Good reference material if you're getting the side-eye from other roadies and are unsure why.

What needs explaining about it? Don't you see yourself in some of it? Or other's for some of the things that don't fit you?

If you find all of it your mantra, then I'd be a tad worried about you. <grin>

I too take it as looking at humorous looks at quirks in our stereotype. And maybe a few sensible statements for all.

It is a funny site that has some truths mixed in. Laugh don't laugh it is up to you.

As society gets dumber, people lose the ability to both get the joke, and get the meta behind the joke. At the same time the internet presents content to lots of people who are both not the target audience and not capable of being the target audience.

Russ from Pathless Pedaled mentioned The Rules as a foil to his own riding except he 1) didn't get that it was tongue-in-cheek 2) didn't get that "Velominati" is a play on "Illuminati" and mispronounced it as "Velomanti".

While there are a lot more dumb people than when The Rules were first popular; I don't think Russ is dumb, but he is clearly not a roadie and is not the audience for the joke.

The Illuminati reference is funny in itself, being part of a forgotten trend: https://trends.google.com/explore?q=...ate=all&geo=GB

Htfu. ;)

You'll see how much of a joke it is when the Enforcers stop you !

I need some help. - https://www.velominati.com/
 

What is a 'twatwaffle'? #4

Who can use "Sur la plaque, facktards" in a sentence related to cycling? #10

"Anti-V" ? #19

"Bogan"? #51. (did they mis-spell "bogart" - one who never shares)

#61 - I don't own a gun - what saddle?



I'm also confused about some things -
as a dedicated roadie, should I even ride a mountain bike?
Or associate with hairy mountain bikers?
Are low-pro recumbents acceptable? They are fast.


And no mention of "Respect the Classic Bikes", and their current riders. :foo:. They are the true Keepers of the Cog. :thumb: :)

I learned it as headinass syndrome, but the symptoms are the same. And if you can't take a joke, eff you! :)

Jokes are like frogs. They do not survive dissection. And, if you can’t take a joke… 😊

They will have to chase me through the interwebs to catch me. Muahaha.

Re #4, just drop the waffle. And yes hair mountain bikers are akin to the anti-Christ.

Still going strong! I can't believe the Velominati Rules are still being discussed in 2026! 😂

Some people just don't get it. It's like the Ten Commandments. Or Economics. One Rule says it all and everything else can be derived from that.

My neighbor had it on his car license. Rule 5.

If you can't do that, then you might as well just do water aerobics or square dancing.

"Twatwaffle", an Aussie/British term for someone who is of self-proclaimed importance. Dunning-Kreuger type folks.

"Bogan", that's an Australian term that translates to "redneck" here in the USA. (Aussies are allowed to chime in if I'm wrong).


.

#61 is not referring to firearms or big arms but big quad muscles. So your legs should be smooth (shaved) and hard (well muscled). So get with it!! ;)

I used to get The Economist. Does that count?

I canceled my subscription because, after laying all of them out end to end they didn’t reach a conclusion.

#4 - Adrian // Being an annoying, if harmless, twatwaffle. An Adrian also exhibits poor spelling and grammar while attempting to make points. https://www.urbandictionary.com/defi...waffle&page=26
#10 - Sur La Plaque // French for “Put that thing in the big ring, ****tard.” (Literally, to move sur la plaque means to move onto the plate, or the BIG RING.)
#19 - The Anti-V // The forces in life that cause you to not observe The V.The Anti-V manifests itself in an absence of those things we love most about cycling: a combination of guts, class, and panache. Wheel-sucking, bragging, and poor sportsmanship are examples of the Anti-V. (Thanks to KitCarson.)
#61 - Gun Decks // The platforms that absorb the massive force of our guns.Every Velominatus knows their guns aren’t their arms (carry those gallons of milk in one at a time, we don’t want to build up too much upper body mass, Hercules) but their legs. And we all know the way to make our bikes go faster is to push harder on the Gun Decks, also known as pedals. Thanks to @Conor via email.

https://www.velominati.com/the-lexicon/