WhyFi

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NameTaken

That's a pretty crummy way to treat a 'friend'. Are they actually friends or are they just some people that you know. It's a big difference. If it was the latter then I guess maybe it was a misunderstanding. I just can't imagine ditching someone that I invited for being too slow. It doesn't even sound like you were that slow, just maybe not up to their speed for 80 miles. This is why I mostly ride solo.

chicagogal

I'm not grumbling about not keeping up. I am grumbling about the whole ride dynamic. These three friends show up and start half-wheeling each other to drive the pace from the start. When they half-wheel me, I say maybe we should ride friendly and organized and not like d**ks, and they tell me to go F myself (essentially, not literally). They even say later that they know I am capable of the pace and don't understand why I bailed on them. I bailed because this was supposed to be a friendly ride to explore a new route, not a testosterone-fueled hammerfest (If I wanted that, I would have joined the club ride).

RJM

A local group that often rides together posts notifications on facebook to get others to join them on their rides does this often, which is why they don't ever have people show up to more than two rides they advertise. People generally don't like getting dropped and left out on some roadway (or some trail if you mountain bike) just because the others think they are proving how awesome they are. That kind of thing is actually a great way to destroy a club.

the whole rooster strutting crap, which is totally real and present, is one of the main reason I do not ride with groups anymore. Who really needs that crap in their life?

chicagogal

I think you are probably right, here. I was expecting a social ride and thought our "normal pace" would accommodate that. Then when they went out hard (and aggressive) I was surprised. My close friend/family member said afterwards that he didn't think I would have trouble with the pace he was setting because I typically ride at least that fast on the bigger group rides. From my perspective, this wasn't a big group ride and I was expecting a more leisurely pace and a more friendly atmosphere without attacking or half-wheeling the whole way... miscommunication all around, I guess.

Dan333SP

maartendc

I don't know.. sounds like they were just not being very nice. Cycling etiquette has nothing to do with it, just being a nice considerate person.

I invited a friend out on a 50-60km ride once. When it was clear that friend could not keep up with me at my regular pace, I just slowed down so we could both have a good time. For future reference, if I know I want to go out and challenge myself, I don't take that friend along with me. If I want to go for a leisurely ride, I would ask them to join in.

The fact that they kind of left you "stranded" to finish the ride by yourself is pretty stupid. Who would try to "drop" a friend? Unless you are at the same level and want to challenge each other for good fun?

I agree with other suggestions: get better friends.

LAJ

I don't care what anyone says, this tells me this isn't your first rodeo. I think you handled everything well, be it here, or there.

Campag4life

I guess I have to ask, what kind of friends do you keep? Really good, well intentioned friends don't drop others. I don't. My friends don't. Strangers in a group ride known for dropping people of course.
But our exchange for example has been less than friendly. So now I am getting a clearer picture of why they dropped you.
I hope that made you laugh.
Seriously, get some different friends to ride with. Not much more to it than that. Yes, you have discovered people use their bicycles to prove things to others. It really isn't the better side of humanity as you have discovered. Riding is a blast in the right company and I am sure you will find it.

Campag4life

you going my way big boy?

chicagogal

Thanks, yeah, that made me laugh :-)

You seem to be getting my point that friends just shouldn't do that (unless clearly agreed upon in advance).
I won't be riding with them again any time soon, but wish that it didn't have to be that way.

chicagogal

Thank you!

rubiksoval

I've noticed this poster does that a lot.

rubiksoval

No, really, you don't get it.

Multiple times. In multiple threads. Responding to multiple people.

You completely miss it.

Dan333SP

You're a Cat 1, you can't be here by definition. FYI.

Dan333SP

Find me a 60cm rental bike in MSP yet?

WhyFi

That would take time away from my search for sunglasses, but I'll see what I can find.

Campag4life

Yes, we all understand because we have all been in your shoes. No, true friends don't do that. Good luck finding good people to ride with. They are out there...more good than bad.
Ride safe.

seypat

After reading through the thread, it doesn't sound like it was a cycling issue. Cycling just happened to be the activity when it happened. It could have happened in a game of tennis, beach volleyball, go cart racing, etc. It was a very small group. Get them together for a meal or drinks and air your grievances. Or don't and don't ride with them anymore. I don't know what else to say.

seypat

On a lighter note and somewhat related to the thread, here is a humorous story. Many years ago,(before I had kids) I was a fairly dedicated golfer. My wife thought that she wanted to become one also. Her grandfather was big into it, she had clubs, etc. So, we went to the driving range a few times. She had/has lots of natural ability and potential. One weekend, a spot came open in my regular foursome. I asked the other 2 if she could be the 4th and they agreed to it. The day comes and she fills in. She is constantly out driving the other 2 off the tee and has a better score at the end of the round. On the way home, I get texts from the other 2 saying they don't want her filling in anymore. Funny! As we are riding home I asks the wife her thoughts after the round.

She asks me if that is a typical round, if that is what really goes on.
I said "pretty much, except the jokes are cleaned up today."
She says, "I won't be playing with that group anymore then. It is not very exciting. All you guys do is make some small talk, needle each other a bit and tell some jokes. A group of women on the other hand, are a lot more exciting. They talk a lot of gossip, get catty with each other, fight/make up constantly, and have a lot more drama. I think I will stick with the ladies."

True story. I never knew men were so boring!

bruce19

If you are upset...you are upset. No one gets to tell you that you are wrong. Apparently, you had an expectation.Without one you couldn't be disappointed. If that expectation was based on what was advertised or is common practice then I guess your friends were not exactly friends. If this was my experience I'd find others to ride with.

bruce19

My perspective is that group rides should always be about working together. Over the years I have found that I prefer riding alone or with select friends who understand cycling as I do. Our club rides are always a hit or miss experience. There are some cyclists who are really just riders and I try to avoid them. It is no fun sitting on the wheel of someone who doesn't understand safety and etiquette on the bike. It can be scary.

Campag4life

Actually your story is a bit boring.
But not as bad as rubikowski. He doesn't have a clue.

seypat

That is me, Mr. Boring. Maybe that is why my favorite riding buddies are my friends me, myself and I. We always can agree on pace, distance, etc. I don't need the drama. In the OP's case I can't make a suggestion without being there. I probably would have sat up immediately, turned around, found another route and road solo that day. Most everyone has a smart watch or phone these days. Getting back to the starting point should not be a problem. Then go to a local watering hole, order a tasty beverage and wait for the "what happened/where are you at" call from the group. When that call comes, get it straight. If it happens again, no more riding with that group.

Now if someone in that group has a buzzy/loud rear hub, no riding with that group. Life is too short to have listen to crap like that. There was a lady on my marathon training team last year that ran with a metronome app turned up full blast! It usually took about 3 miles before the group was strung out and she was out of earshot. Pure torture.

Campag4life

Thinking about discussion here, there were really two levels Chicagogal was upset by and as discussed, most of us have experienced this disappointment.
It hurts when feeling abandoned by friends. Its not like a 25 mile ride and easy to turn around and ride home. Friends don't drop friends on 80 mile rides. Its not like it was a blood ride going for a record. Ridiculous but we have all experienced this pettiness.
The other is perhaps in herself for not being able to keep pace. I have had this disappointment. Anybody who has ridden with stronger riders has. I have been dropped on familiar group rides where dropping off isn't outside the norm because the pace can get intense, but when CAT racers crash our group and they do, the pace can get difficult to hold. But even if the group becomes splintered there are generally others that share your pain and you can ride along with.

The reason I questioned her experience which she defended is anybody that have ridden in group rides for a long time...for me over 3 decades, everything talked about has happened to me several times and sure its disappointing...even friends trying to show you up and drop you, though maybe not friends for long...but it somewhat comes with the competitive nature of cycling. Those comfortable about themselves and their power etc, don't generally do this. But I have two 'aquantainces'...both very strong riders when we hooked for a ride, they tried to drop me to show their strength over mine. They couldn't if I stayed in their draft even though both were stronger.
Pettiness is the biggest disappointment and IMO why upsetting to Chicagogal. Point being, people don't have to act that way, but they do.