BF now has final say nationwide for all bike purchases over $2K
10-01-08, 06:35 AM
#1
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BF now has final say nationwide for all bike purchases over $2K
So because so many people have a problem with people buying expensive bikes, The BF lobby in congress has come up with a new plan to keep people OFF these high-end bikes when they are clearly un-deserving of such a thing.
First, you need to report to an LBS so that you as a rider may be properly evaluated. This involves a 40km TT. Based on your overall time, you will be assigned a certain price bracket.
If your average TT speed is less than 20mph, for instance, you will be forbidden to even LOOK at any bike costing over $2K. From 20-22mph, you are permitted to look at bikes up to $4K. 22-26mph raises the cap to $5K. Only if you can average over 26mph in a 40km TT are you even allowed to THINK about spending over $5K on a bike. In fact, psychics will be hired to determine whether you are in fact thinking about such a bike and fire tasers at you if you do.
In addition to the TT test, you must provide supporting documentation demonstrating your "need" for such a bike, a complete resume of all your cycling palmares, a photocopy of your USAC racing license, and letters of reference from at least 4 Titanium Club BF members attesting to your worthiness to own a nice bike.
Then, finally, when the bike arrives, you must adhere strictly to the rules of owning such a bike:
1. The bike should NEVER be used to have fun.
2. You must install a device that will deliver an electric shock to your nipples if your average speed drops below a pre-set level.
3. When asked about the bike, you should respond only with blase' answers that make it seem like owning an expensive bike is neither satisfying nor fun.
4. You must never, NEVER, imply that your new expensive bike is in any way better than the cheap one you upgraded from.
Only after you've met all of the above requirements can you own an over-$2K bike. Bear in mind also that any random BF member at any time can revoke your right to own said expensive bike at their discretion.
Or you can buy whatever bike you like and can afford, and the rest of the whiny, annoying expensive-bike haters on BF can STFU, realize that the only reason they REALLY have a problem with it is because THEY don't own one, and all go commiserate on the next CM ride about how cycling is the new golf.
First, you need to report to an LBS so that you as a rider may be properly evaluated. This involves a 40km TT. Based on your overall time, you will be assigned a certain price bracket.
If your average TT speed is less than 20mph, for instance, you will be forbidden to even LOOK at any bike costing over $2K. From 20-22mph, you are permitted to look at bikes up to $4K. 22-26mph raises the cap to $5K. Only if you can average over 26mph in a 40km TT are you even allowed to THINK about spending over $5K on a bike. In fact, psychics will be hired to determine whether you are in fact thinking about such a bike and fire tasers at you if you do.
In addition to the TT test, you must provide supporting documentation demonstrating your "need" for such a bike, a complete resume of all your cycling palmares, a photocopy of your USAC racing license, and letters of reference from at least 4 Titanium Club BF members attesting to your worthiness to own a nice bike.
Then, finally, when the bike arrives, you must adhere strictly to the rules of owning such a bike:
1. The bike should NEVER be used to have fun.
2. You must install a device that will deliver an electric shock to your nipples if your average speed drops below a pre-set level.
3. When asked about the bike, you should respond only with blase' answers that make it seem like owning an expensive bike is neither satisfying nor fun.
4. You must never, NEVER, imply that your new expensive bike is in any way better than the cheap one you upgraded from.
Only after you've met all of the above requirements can you own an over-$2K bike. Bear in mind also that any random BF member at any time can revoke your right to own said expensive bike at their discretion.
Or you can buy whatever bike you like and can afford, and the rest of the whiny, annoying expensive-bike haters on BF can STFU, realize that the only reason they REALLY have a problem with it is because THEY don't own one, and all go commiserate on the next CM ride about how cycling is the new golf.
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"Unless he was racing there was no way he could match my speed."
"Unless he was racing there was no way he could match my speed."
Last edited by DrPete; 10-01-08 at 07:08 AM.
10-01-08, 06:43 AM
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So I get some kind of $8k bike grant if I can do over 26 MPH, right? Is spending it on a Cervelo required, or are BMC's ok too? If it's Cervelo only then I'll have to decide between a R3SL and a SLC SL. Shouldn't there be a weight requirement for the R3?
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10-01-08, 06:44 AM
#5
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No, no, no. You still need to come up with the money on your own. This is merely for permission to think about considering the possibility of potentially wanting to buy an $8K bike.
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"Unless he was racing there was no way he could match my speed."
"Unless he was racing there was no way he could match my speed."
10-01-08, 06:45 AM
#6
Throw the stick!!!!
This sucks, I'll be riding a pacific for the rest of my life. 
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10-01-08, 06:46 AM
#7
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How about we set the limit at your aggregate lifetime gross racing earnings? I think I could go pick up a nice Denali.
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10-01-08, 06:46 AM
#8
Some guy with a bike.
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10-01-08, 06:49 AM
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10-01-08, 06:49 AM
#13
Throw the stick!!!!
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I may be fat but I'm slow enough to make up for it.
10-01-08, 06:49 AM
#14
Making a kilometer blurry
I'm in. I'd never spend $2k on a purchase in this sport anyway.
10-01-08, 06:55 AM
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10-01-08, 06:56 AM
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sad.
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Litespeed Siena, Campy
Peugeot U010, Deep V's in orange and fixed
Bridgestone X03 - the beer bike
Waterford R2200, Campy Chorus/Super Record Cobaltobrakes
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Litespeed Siena, Campy
Peugeot U010, Deep V's in orange and fixed
Bridgestone X03 - the beer bike
Waterford R2200, Campy Chorus/Super Record Cobaltobrakes
Motobecane Tandem - Craigslist find
Belgium Bertin. an angel spared it and sent it my way.
Fuji Folding 4130 Mountain bike - Marlboro edition trash find
Specialized HR -A1, latest trash find (who throws bikes out??!!)
10-01-08, 07:03 AM
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10-01-08, 07:04 AM
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$4k for a 20mph time trial? You're way too generous.
And don't forget the special addendum for triathletes: clip-on bars until you prove you can swim.
And don't forget the special addendum for triathletes: clip-on bars until you prove you can swim.
