What would you do about this fiasco?
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Not sure what you're looking for here? You missed the opportunity to set things straight with the BF by not inspecting the stuff on its return. Later on when you discovered the damage, she made a good faith effort to settle things. You chose not to accept that offer for the reasons stated.
Seems like the matter is settled.
Seems like the matter is settled.
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As long as she doesn’t say anything at club events that puts you in a bad light, I would pretend it didn’t even happen.
I would guess that coming out of a cult situation, with no money, and easy prey to fall into another manipulative situation, shifters might be least of her worries; and definitely not something for you to lose sleep over.
I’d forget about the ghosting also. You don’t know what is going on in her current relationship.
John
I would guess that coming out of a cult situation, with no money, and easy prey to fall into another manipulative situation, shifters might be least of her worries; and definitely not something for you to lose sleep over.
I’d forget about the ghosting also. You don’t know what is going on in her current relationship.
John
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Not sure what you're looking for here? You missed the opportunity to set things straight with the BF by not inspecting the stuff on its return. Later on when you discovered the damage, she made a good faith effort to settle things. You chose not to accept that offer for the reasons stated.
Seems like the matter is settled.
Seems like the matter is settled.
Last edited by bruce19; 04-28-22 at 11:00 AM.
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@bruce19 : It seems like you really are trying to help this person, and you are shrugging off the broken shifter. I totally understand, and appreciate that you are ready to let it go. As I've gotten older and a bit more affluent, I try to help out newer riders in the same way that people once helped me, and I expect nothing in return. Life is too short to get worked up over such things.
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I wonder if they were parts swappers? Are the shifters the exact same ones you sold them? In the radio hobby world some times "parts swappers" with a broken radio will buy a similar radio from someone online, swap out the bad part with the good part from the new radio, then contact the seller and claim the radio didn't work upon arrival and demand a refund. They get the refund, send the now-broken radio back to the seller and use their repaired radio. I was wondering if maybe these two hatched a scheme to swap out their broken parts with good parts, but it would take some knowing about bicycle parts and getting the exact same parts they wanted to swap.
Still, claiming "these parts don't work" and then giving them back to the OP in broken condition ought to negate getting their money back.
Still, claiming "these parts don't work" and then giving them back to the OP in broken condition ought to negate getting their money back.
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#33
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Personally, I think the poster handled the situation in a fine manner. I think it likely that the woman knew what happened, she should have owned up to it, but letting her slide on the dollars was a needed kind act. My only criticism is the post shows the OP is not over it. Let it go.
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If learning the limits of a friend's integrity only costs you an old shifter that was collecting dust, I'd say you got off pretty cheap.
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For some reason, taking the $100 didn't seem right to you so you didn't take it. Second-guessing that is going to make you feel bad. Let it go and if you sell something to her again, as is, no refunds. I doubt that'll come up, she's likely either too embarrassed (BF did it) or guilty (she did it) about it to ask you again.
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Personally, I think the poster handled the situation in a fine manner. I think it likely that the woman knew what happened, she should have owned up to it, but letting her slide on the dollars was a needed kind act. My only criticism is the post shows the OP is not over it. Let it go.
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For some reason, taking the $100 didn't seem right to you so you didn't take it. Second-guessing that is going to make you feel bad. Let it go and if you sell something to her again, as is, no refunds. I doubt that'll come up, she's likely either too embarrassed (BF did it) or guilty (she did it) about it to ask you again.
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someone when people get in awkward social situations they become avoidant and just ignore the issue. It sounds like she knows she’s in the wrong and probably feels bad about “ghosting” but doesn’t know what to say. She already offered to give back the $100
it’s sad to lose someone you’ve known for 10 years over $100 and perceived dishonesty. Just offering that opinion OP.
it’s sad to lose someone you’ve known for 10 years over $100 and perceived dishonesty. Just offering that opinion OP.
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He (as you noted) was being charitable. Asking for the going price (or taking the $100 back) would not have been charitable.
Last edited by njkayaker; 04-28-22 at 02:10 PM.
#43
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The last time I sold indexed shifters I demonstrated to the purchaser that they did indeed function properly. I did this by leaving a shift cable in the shifter and applying gentle tension to the cable and had the the purchaser shift through every gear, f and r.
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my view
so you've already taken this to full term - but here's a scenario I haven't seem mentioned yet.
You had 'exactly' the shifter she needed... are you sure you received YOUR Shifter back, broken? Or did you get her original shifter (the one she broke) and she now has an operational (your) shifter?
I'd be curious...
You've 'Known of' her for over 10 years; which doesn't necessarily mean 'You Know Her'...
I certainly don't ... but many of us have gone thru the 'friend/acquaintance' thing where you/me/anyone becomes a 'convenience' and a 'source' of something - not necessarily a real friend.- and in fact becomes 'used'.
In any case, moving on a good thing. The best thing, because the poison in a situation only lasts and affects, if you allow it to remain.
You obviously have some level of 'feeling' for the woman (not meaning that in any way other than association). You're certain you gave her good merchandise, she would know that from your history together - that didn;t stop her from impairing that.
I always 'move on' and place my attention to more positive things/situations/relationships - the 'friend' pool becomes well defined and very solid. The other kind just creates ongoing turbulence and and unfulfillment. My guess is once she realizes that you've moved on from her, she'll be 'gone' also, very quickly. Once discovered, a user rarely hangs around...
Not saying she's 'bad', but people who are always struggling are also having to be 'users' whenever they possibly can - it becomes SOP...
Ride On
Yuri
so you've already taken this to full term - but here's a scenario I haven't seem mentioned yet.
You had 'exactly' the shifter she needed... are you sure you received YOUR Shifter back, broken? Or did you get her original shifter (the one she broke) and she now has an operational (your) shifter?
I'd be curious...
You've 'Known of' her for over 10 years; which doesn't necessarily mean 'You Know Her'...
I certainly don't ... but many of us have gone thru the 'friend/acquaintance' thing where you/me/anyone becomes a 'convenience' and a 'source' of something - not necessarily a real friend.- and in fact becomes 'used'.
In any case, moving on a good thing. The best thing, because the poison in a situation only lasts and affects, if you allow it to remain.
You obviously have some level of 'feeling' for the woman (not meaning that in any way other than association). You're certain you gave her good merchandise, she would know that from your history together - that didn;t stop her from impairing that.
I always 'move on' and place my attention to more positive things/situations/relationships - the 'friend' pool becomes well defined and very solid. The other kind just creates ongoing turbulence and and unfulfillment. My guess is once she realizes that you've moved on from her, she'll be 'gone' also, very quickly. Once discovered, a user rarely hangs around...
Not saying she's 'bad', but people who are always struggling are also having to be 'users' whenever they possibly can - it becomes SOP...
Ride On
Yuri
#45
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To the OP, my best advice is to stop all conversation and contact with this woman.
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That's a perfect question. I am going to do what I think is right. And, if the response I get tells me that I am not helping or if I feel like it's a drain on my energy I will go in a different direction I don't need anything in return. But, I do want to expend my energy in productive ways. Basically it comes down to this.....I will help if I believe there is a possibility of success but you don't get to **** up my life.
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#47
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If she were my friend, newly divorced and no money, I’d have given her the stuff free.
If you had not charged $100, no worries other than her new BF is a tool.
If you had not charged $100, no worries other than her new BF is a tool.
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my view
so you've already taken this to full term - but here's a scenario I haven't seem mentioned yet.
You had 'exactly' the shifter she needed... are you sure you received YOUR Shifter back, broken? Or did you get her original shifter (the one she broke) and she now has an operational (your) shifter?
I'd be curious...
so you've already taken this to full term - but here's a scenario I haven't seem mentioned yet.
You had 'exactly' the shifter she needed... are you sure you received YOUR Shifter back, broken? Or did you get her original shifter (the one she broke) and she now has an operational (your) shifter?
I'd be curious...
Seems like a low likelihood between people that have known each other for 10 years and (apparently) are in regular contact. And with someone who had given free stuff in the past (why kill the golden goose?). Of course, we have no idea how the new BF was involved.
She also offered to give the $100 back (which, if it had been accepted, would have meant this elaborate scheme would have had no value).
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I suspect those that blame the boyfriend are correct in their assumption. If the boyfriend did in fact break the shifter and then lie about it to your friend, it speaks volumes about his character. I would suggest reconsidering future attempts to help her like you tried this time, but keep your friendship with her intact. She will need friends if she separates herself from this dude if he continues to be a bad egg.
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My perspective is that the perspective of people who don't know the people involved isn't going to tell you anything you don't already know. There's no way the bf didn't know he broke it, you're in a better position to determine whether you give her the benefit of the doubt, and I think you've already done that by refusing her payment.