I have a Sram Rival crankset on my Wolverine and a 42T original ring with spider and a 36 Wolf Tooth oval direct mount. I have run both rings with various cogs in SS mode. I hate changing rings back and forth due to the 3 little torx bolts I have to remove and re loctite every time. The 36T front ring seems the most logical because I have the greatest range of gearing from low to high with a variety of cogs as this bike sees gravel events with all types of elevation profiles from flatter to extreme and occasionally a sub 24 hour overnight loaded bikepacking trip. However I keep researching and finding threads about increased/decreased cog/chain wear, friction, and some saying that the size of the front ring affects power even if all else is equal. In a real world situation, does this even matter?

Pick the one that works best for you or maybe find something in the middle. Track riders might have both different chainrings and cogs with them for different events.

A single speed is always in the wrong gear you just need to figure out for yourself what wrong gear works best for you most of the time or if you can suffer through it for the times you need something bigger or smaller.

Yeah trying to find one ring to rule them all is maybe impossible

It cannot exist unless you have a variable tooth count which doesn't exist and cannot really exist in reality. You cannot really add or remove actual teeth while riding but you could always have a geared bike or two for that and then you can shift to different gears.

However once you find the right one that generally works in the situations you want it to work in you are all set. I have found my 44x17 for road is quite nice but everyone is a bit different.

Then 36T is your answer.

No, it does not. Ride the gear that works best for you. The "power" argument is silly, and if you have to replace your chainring or cog every 20 months instead of every 24, does it really matter?

36 it is