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Artfully discribed "dooring"

Old 12-05-05, 05:17 PM
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delay
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Artfully discribed "dooring"

I saw this link posted over at RBR, it was funny enough that I thought it merited passing along:

http://www.cyclingplus.co.uk/forum/t...TOPIC_ID=83386

Here is a bit:
"Our eyes met as I rotated gracefully into view - his face a giant 'O' and mine (and I'm guessing here) mouthing obscenities like a mobile tourettes event. It was a brief and yet telling communication sadly cut short as I ran out of bonnet and ran into tarmac. Amazingly no other driver crushed my turtle like form whilst I lay still and ran a full systems check focussing on important areas such as legs, arms and testicles. The latter were definitely fine if a little bruised which probably explains my 'fish out of water' masterclass as I hauled myself up on his mirror and indicated - and I may have been quite assertive here - that we should have a little chat."

But its worth reading the whole thing.
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Old 12-05-05, 05:29 PM
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Nice
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Old 12-05-05, 05:31 PM
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I dislike the word "whilst" probably more than any other.
Nothing strikes me as more pretentious.
Good thing I'm an editor.
Pretty nice otherwise.
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Old 12-05-05, 05:57 PM
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Originally Posted by hyperRevue
I dislike the word "whilst" probably more than any other.
Nothing strikes me as more pretentious.
Good thing I'm an editor.
Pretty nice otherwise.
He's British. "Whilst" fits in with his writing style. If I did it, that would be an affectation.
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Old 12-05-05, 06:03 PM
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Originally Posted by FlatTop
He's British. "Whilst" fits in with his writing style. If I did it, that would be an affectation.
Did not know he was British.
I only read the passage.
I stand corrected.

I suppose the .co.uk in the url should have been a clue.
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Old 12-05-05, 06:09 PM
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bonnet and tarmac could have been other clues...
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Old 12-05-05, 06:12 PM
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Originally Posted by ZappCatt
bonnet and tarmac could have been other clues...
Alright then.
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Old 12-05-05, 06:32 PM
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Originally Posted by ZappCatt
bonnet and tarmac could have been other clues...
I just thought the event must have taken place on Easter Sunday
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Old 12-05-05, 07:10 PM
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he gets BIG points in my book for referencing, however obliquely, roddy doyle.

and if you heathens don't know who he is, get yourselves to your lbs ('b' in this case stands for 'book') and buy some of his stuff.
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Old 12-05-05, 07:19 PM
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nu-uh dolface. bodie and doyle were a couple of hard-boiled tv cops in a show called "the professionals" that was the biggest thing during my childhood in 1970s Britain. kinda like Starsky & Hutch done over by Sam Peckinpah - violent and tough. he's talking about a roll across a car hood in order to get into the drivers door on the other side faster. thing is i don't really remember that being their steez. it's more dukes of hazzard. these guys were no joke. they would have calmy walked around the car, got in like a normal person, caught you on the side of the road and then kicked the **** out of you for making them even think about rolling over the "bonnet" like some american poof in tight jeans.

just sayin…

still. dolface is right. go read "the van." laugh.
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Old 12-05-05, 07:25 PM
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d'oh!

thanks eddie.
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Old 12-05-05, 08:14 PM
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The Professionnals.

Best TV show theme ever
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Old 12-05-05, 08:37 PM
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Super reading.
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Old 12-05-05, 09:08 PM
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highly entertaining

you're right about the professionals not doing the roll across the bonnet though eddie.

Now i want to go watch some old british tv. eh, well, the office might have to suffice.
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Old 12-05-05, 09:25 PM
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cute. I wonder if he means the epiphytic bird's nest fern.
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Old 12-05-05, 09:31 PM
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Originally Posted by hyperRevue
I dislike the word "whilst" probably more than any other.
Nothing strikes me as more pretentious.
Good thing I'm an editor.
Pretty nice otherwise.

Betwixt kicks whilsts's ass.
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Old 12-05-05, 10:11 PM
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the two blokes got into a row after the barmy petrol driver proceeds to throw a spanner in the works and hits the cyclsist, knocking him onto the bonnet over the windscreen crashing down on to the boot. He gets up all brassed off and feeling a bit lurgy, he checks his bollocks and willy and then proceeds to slag the driver.

back to the swotting!
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Old 12-05-05, 10:12 PM
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for teh win!! ^^
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Old 12-05-05, 10:17 PM
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Originally Posted by dolface
for teh win!! ^^
i believe i take the biscuit!
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Old 12-05-05, 10:18 PM
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you're close. 9/10
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Old 12-06-05, 02:32 AM
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British or not, I thought the situation fairly eloquently discribed.
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Old 12-06-05, 02:54 AM
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Originally Posted by mattface
I just thought the event must have taken place on Easter Sunday
Easter at an airport?
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Old 12-06-05, 03:01 AM
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"whilst" may be a crappy word to use in most writing, hyperRevue, but in bits like this where the point is more humorous,a certain amount of prentensiousness in the word choice can add to the tone of the writing...by using such elevated language for such subject matter, it sort of sets up a certain inequity in the situation of the sort that forms the basis of a lot of comedy.

that's just my two cents on words like "whilst" and "betwixt".
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Old 12-06-05, 03:22 AM
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Meanwhilst...on the other side of the world...
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Old 12-06-05, 03:23 AM
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Originally Posted by Serendipper
Meanwhilst...on the other side of the world...
ha ha ha ha....yes. across the water that lies betwixt.

also...this is fantastic: "I put forward a theory that in fact the problem was that 'he was a flaming blind idiot with an IQ similar to a fern. And a dumb fern at that. A fern that is tormented and bullied by his fellow ferns for being so thick'."

though the punctuation at the end there should be different, does this guy's tone remind anyone else of douglas adams...just a touch?

Last edited by humancongereel; 12-06-05 at 03:30 AM.
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