Is there such a thing? Can someone help me out?

You best bet is a threadless adaptor and a stem.

tell me if you do find a cheap one though.

Thats what I might end up having to do, but wouldn't that make the stem/handlebar a fair bit less stiff?

how much do you weigh? how much can you lift?

I weigh about 185 and am pretty strong. Am I making too big of a deal about the adapter?

If you are buying 31.8mm bars for the stiffness maybe not. If you just have some laying around you want to use most likely if you aren't spinting alot.

no less stiff than a regular old floppy quill.