I'm DSL'd up right now but I'm going to try this anyway.

1991. Second grade but tall for my age(1313 Mockingbird Lane) I answered an ad, "Internet bike forum troll needed. Must have bike & series of tubes". It was at a sketchy IP addy on the AGIS SF-Seattle Hop. I jacked some kid's PC Jr. on the way over, I also bought a length of ****'s at a hardware store & a disk drive.

Mostly belittling noobs, it started a career I would never forget. I graduated to a one alias, then another being influenced buy the sleek personalities of other trolls. I had several other aliases, but because of the time that has passed & being banned incessantly, the names escape me. I just know they were expensive & way too small.

Soon I had a identity in my size (BIG), pearl white paint & my first set of made up random sh1t. I don't even remember how I got it. I worked in several forums, many times I used 2 aliases at a time. I made loads of close personal friends who respect me, most of which I sent internet pr0n. Got ******?

I was homeless for a time, sleeping in an alley on an mousepad i purchased after watching a Microsoft Bob commercial while jacked in one night. I locked my powercable to a pole, slept with my thumb in the floppy drive fingering it like a .... Many times my slumber was interrupted by those beeping noises as my nose hit the space bar too many times and the buffer overflowed.

There wasn't cell phones like now, just dial-up BBS & the "nickel trick" (you'd insert a quarter into a payphone, press the lever slightly until you heard a click, the quarter would drop out & you'd then insert a nickel & make the call. I knew every payphone in a 2x2 block area that this trick worked on). The whole test to become a troll was, someone would ask you a question like, "what are the best rims?" If you answered "f**k you and your F****t rimming", you made a friend.

Those were good times. I still sometimes want to go back to being a troll. It was one of the only gigs where, fresh out of juvie, you could pose as an expert based on your knowledge of nothing, then excel because of your stupidity & tenacity.

There were programs on teh internets featuring Trolls [the best page on the internet, the whole .alt hierarchy, etc.], highlighting that it's one of the most dangerous jobs in the city, yet we're not covered by insurance. They highlighted the different trolls that were killed in the line of duty, calling for a "WTF is plural for a bunch of trolls?" (is there one now?)

I loved being a troll. I salute those of you who have not yet been banned every day. Ride safe.

You suck.

Hahaha. I smiled more than once reading this, and did eventually laugh out loud. Well played.

Thanks!

the drug runner one sucked, but this one was ok.