Hey all, long time listener, first time caller.

While riding today with a couple of oversizes (I'm a NYC messenger), my balls began to really smart. It continued for a long while after I dropped off the heavy stuff, and eventually went mostly away, but hours later, my balls are still very tender when (ahem) handled.

What's going on?! How long will I stay fertile?

Some details:

I'm 6'3", 180 lbs. I ride an IRO Mark V, 59 cm, with bullhorns. The saddle is some junk "aerodynamic" gel seat tony threw in. It says "cloud-9" on it.

I was wearing boxers, silk longjohns, and levi 501s.

The bike is new to me, but not that new. I've rode a few bikes over the past months without trouble. Nothing like this has happened before. Any idears whats going on? Any suggestions of how to make sure it never happens again?

Was it actually your balls or was it general groin pain concentrated in that area? Did you feel it when you were out of the saddle too?

It was my actual balls. I could feel the pressure when I was out of the saddle, but when I was walking it didn't hurt nearly so bad.

I could never ride all day in 501's.

Any chance they got dealt a smart blow in a situation where you weren't so prone to noticing immediately? I know this sounds moronic, but when you're concentrating enough on something else, even a hit in the junk may not register immediately.

Your mom told you that would happen if you kept doing that. And look at what you got now; sore balls and a bunch of heavy stuff you can't carry. Tisk tisk tisk.

Does your saddle have 'the groove' in the top? If not, that plus the thickness of the 501s seam could be the issue.

Seriously folks: Lance Armstrong thought he had cycling induced discomfort and swelling only to find out he was suffering from testicular cancer - one hell of an unfortunate coincidence that nearly cost him his life. If the aching lasts for more than a few days see a doctor. DanO

I pretty much wear carhartts all the time, when I ride in them, oooh boy the pain and tenderness! a budy of mine suggested wearing padded bike shorts under them, anyone done this? does it help?

I wonder if they'll ever make bikehartts, get it! bike instead of car! HAHA! ooh I kill me! yeah, I'm a dumbass..

buy a brooks.

i'd go with a black professional to match.

That's my main riding outfit. Seems OK to me.

you ummm, may need to release your demons... if you get my drift.

prolly your handlebars are in a low "racing" position.

In cases like that, load on the lower back (usual spot for messenger bags) will place more load on the hips...and guess whats also sees that weight load due to posture, your taint, and possibly your...jewels.

One answer is to wear the bag higher (at the cost of your back though), or get a saddle that doesnt pinch down there when your loaded down.

check the angle of your saddle.

screw that

I vote for seat angle. That's what fixed it for me. The only difference is mine went numb! Now that's scary stuff...

boo hoo, better to kill a cow and use it forever than to buy a chunk of plastic every 6 months.

Yeah, seems like the vegan lifestyle can lead to surprisingly poor ecological practices.
That's why I don't eat meat but wear cows on my feet.

...or something like that.

You know...a Brooks isn't everybody's cup of tea. I ride on a Performance Forté Pro SLX and love it. Before that rode a Fizik Pavé for a couple years and still have it around for whatever bike I build next. You don't "buy a chunk of plastic every six months." A good saddle of any kind will last you a long time. A Brooks saddle isn't necessarily the end all be all of cycling ass-support, whatever you tell yourself.

...thanks dave, but this guy's balls still hurt.

Agreed. But I really like mine now that I took a dremel to it

Never do I deny this man's testicular discomfort. The definition of treason should include words to the effect of "ignoring another man's ball suffering." I'm just saying a Brooks doesn't necessarily solve sh*t.

write a poem about it.

Brooks, the Holy Grail?
Somehow I doubt this

I do not deny the excellence
Though in my chamber I reflect
And I see the folly in raising
One component up too high

Does any one thing
Ever solve all our woes?
Absolutely not
Though we tell oursleves this

This man's gonads
Enveloped in suffering
Will not be healed
With but a new saddle

Careful what you wish for