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Convincing your significant other

Old 11-18-14, 05:06 PM
  #26  
350htrr
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You could consider an E-Assist for her bike for her to ease into longer distances...
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Old 11-18-14, 05:38 PM
  #27  
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I am just convincing. I drop the suggestion, "x........might be a good place for us to ride through"; and the next thing I know, my wife has the maps out looking at potential routes. I'm so convincing, she may suggest a tour route or location, totally unsolicited.

Nothing to it, but I am really fortunate!

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Old 11-19-14, 07:10 AM
  #28  
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If it's something you really want to do and she loves you, she'll be happy for you. If she acts like a child about it then she is being selfish and should be told that her actions are selfish and childish. On the flip side... would you be happy for her if she found something she wanted to do without you? If so then tell her that.

This will sound sexist but I'll say it anyway. A man has to be a man for a woman to love him. No woman respects a man they can control and push around. A good relationship is always 50 50. It really burns me up when I see a couple where one of them is over dominant. (sometimes its the man...sometimes its the woman, either way it's not healthy)

Stand up for what you want. If she loves you she'll get on board. If not then it's her problem. (oink oink)
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Old 11-19-14, 08:19 AM
  #29  
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Originally Posted by jargo432 View Post
This will sound sexist but I'll say it anyway. A man has to be a man for a woman to love him. No woman respects a man they can control and push around. A good relationship is always 50 50. It really burns me up when I see a couple where one of them is over dominant. (sometimes its the man...sometimes its the woman, either way it's not healthy)
I've always believed that you shouldn't lose yourself when you marry, you should grow with whatever your partner brings into the marriage. I also believe that we should let the other be who they want to be so if my wife wants to go on a weekend shopping trip and I don't, I should encourage her to find a friend who wants to go with her.
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Old 11-19-14, 12:09 PM
  #30  
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Originally Posted by jargo432 View Post
This will sound sexist but I'll say it anyway. A man has to be a man for a woman to love him. No woman respects a man they can control and push around. A good relationship is always 50 50. It really burns me up when I see a couple where one of them is over dominant. (sometimes its the man...sometimes its the woman, either way it's not healthy)

Stand up for what you want. If she loves you she'll get on board. If not then it's her problem. (oink oink)
Yes. It does sound sexist. Especially the oink oink bit.

(But having said that, yes, a good relationship is 50-50.)
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Old 11-19-14, 01:03 PM
  #31  
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Bike touring first. Relationship second.
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Old 11-19-14, 01:11 PM
  #32  
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Rather than try to convert them later, Date women who are already avid Cyclists.
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Old 11-19-14, 01:44 PM
  #33  
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Originally Posted by fietsbob View Post
Rather than try to convert them later, Date women who are already avid Cyclists.
Or enjoy your solitude doing what YOU enjoy.
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Old 11-19-14, 02:54 PM
  #34  
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Originally Posted by Walter S View Post
Or enjoy your solitude doing what YOU enjoy.
That is a better option IMO. I love my wife, but am happy to tour alone. She would be welcome to go with me, but I am happy to have my tours to myself. She seems to enjoy some time to herself when I am gone, but gets anxious for my return from multi-month tours.

Bike touring just isn't something I'd suggest convincing someone to do unless they are already open to the idea and just need a nudge to get them started.
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Old 11-19-14, 03:11 PM
  #35  
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I've done a 5-day tour of the Katy Trail in Missouri the last 4 years and plan to do it again next year. I've done RAGBRAI twice and some other multi-day tours. I've offered to take the wife but there's no way in Hades that she would sleep in a tent.

She knows that cycling is a big part of my life and is use to the idea. She's even thrown me out of the house when I've been grumpy with a "Good ride your bike!"

Of course I spend vacation time with her also like taking a cruise every couple of years or visiting relatives in other states.
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Old 11-19-14, 05:31 PM
  #36  
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We're both self-employed and able to manipulate schedules to suit most situations, so it isn't a big issue for me.

But assuming a typical work situation with 3+ weeks paid vacation, or thereabouts, I'd feel quite guilty taking away from that and heading off on my own.

I'm afraid I'd be looking at activities where the two of us could spend our time together, and I would have to sacrifice longer bike trips and make do with the occasional weekends...

Of course it's all very relationship and circumstance dependent, as others have said.
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Old 11-19-14, 08:39 PM
  #37  
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As many others have said, each relationship is different. And while you are not one of them, many come in here asking the question hoping that we will validate their long vacations without their spouses, and I always tell them to post the same question in a non-bicycling forum to get honest answers....

Hopefully you and her can come up with a solution rather you end up touring or not. Best wishes regardless.
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Old 11-20-14, 06:49 AM
  #38  
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It's nonsense that a relationship is 50/50. Equality would only be by accident. Each partner brings different skill sets and interests into a relationship, which, if complementary result in synergy. Each partner takes turns being Captain Kirk or Commander Ryker, depending on the situation. And everyone (especially introverts - Myers-Briggs definition) needs time alone.

Our feminist culture has cowed men into also believing that it is sexist and misogynistic to put men's needs first. Whether what Jargo said above that men need to be men for women to love them, is true or not, I don't know and don't care (anymore). But I do know that men need to be men to love themselves. Men won't stand up for each other because they will be beaten down, but they can stand up for themselves.

OP, take your trip already.
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Old 11-20-14, 07:10 AM
  #39  
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Originally Posted by Cyclesafe View Post
Our feminist culture has cowed men into also believing that it is sexist and misogynistic to put men's needs first.
Yeah, we're really repressed. /s
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Old 11-20-14, 09:30 AM
  #40  
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Originally Posted by fietsbob View Post
Rather than try to convert them later, Date women who are already avid Cyclists.
Tried that, got in trouble with the wife for it, sheesh, she is sooooo close minded!!

No, not done that, won't while still married (no plans to end it either).
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Old 11-20-14, 04:37 PM
  #41  
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Originally Posted by staehpj1 View Post
Bike touring just isn't something I'd suggest convincing someone to do unless they are already open to the idea and just need a nudge to get them started.
+1

Nudging someone into bike touring is just like getting them started in snow camping. We introduced bike touring, back packing, skiing touring and winter camping to our kids using the "small steps" at a time approach. We started with short over night trips, easy terrain, good weather, and something interesting during the day. The first couple of trips need to be really positive. With a few good trips under their belts they were able to handle the tougher more adverse situations very well. All our kids are avid outdoor enthusiasts, with both our daughters competent and enthusiastic bike tourers.
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Old 11-20-14, 07:07 PM
  #42  
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This reminds me that I had planned/sketched out a 4-day tour of Manitoulin Island, each day being about 45km with each night at an inn or B&B, I should find that and consider it again.

However, I also think that some of you are right in that I should be myself and go on my tour. If she wants to join me in the car. By the way, my plan was not to have her driving 20ft behind me the whole way but to leave late from the previous site, drive to our planned lunch stop then go on ahead or even just meet me at the end.
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Old 11-21-14, 12:21 AM
  #43  
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I just ran that scenario past my wife, that she accompany me on a multi day bike trip in her car. My wife's concern with that idea would be there would be countless hours of her being by herself in a place she doesn't know. To her, she says that would make her feel uncomfortable. I think asked her if a friend was with her also and she said she would be alright with that... So perhaps suggest to your wife to bring a friend along while you tour and she supports your ride.

Just a thought.....
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Old 11-21-14, 07:53 AM
  #44  
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Things get expensive for the friend that way, because she has to pay the single room supplement at each hotel.
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