The problem with "off the shelf" bikes is that if you're looking for something specific.... and you're headed in that direction... you pretty much have to build it out yourself instead. Yes, it costs a bit more usually, but often not as much as buying that off the shelf one and modifying it to what you want.

Let me ask if I may.. What's your preferred price point?

As to the components, it's best to compare bikes in it's class, and combine with your needs to come up with something optimal. Loaded touring usually uses MTB parts - Usually Shimano LX 9 speed. and a triple front. Road bike/cross is usually 10 speed with a front double. Bar end shifters like on touring bikes save a lot of $$ over STI shifters like on road bikes.

Building a bike isn't rocket science. It's pretty basic mechanicals and there's TONS of info on the web for help.

There's any number of ways to buy the parts. Piece by piece by scouring sales/eBay, etc. Personal favorite of mine is finding a bike with a good component set getting dumped by a bike shop, Craigslist, or someplace like Bikes Direct and stripping the bike for it's components for your frame. Then Craigslist or eBay the bare frame you stripped for a couple of bucks back.

Just some thoughts out loud.

And I'm not surprised by your friends 29er, nice 29er frames are $$ and the front forks even more so. I want to build something like a Niner, Independent or OnOne but that frame fork costs just makes me flinch.