I wash them by hand in a dimly-lit room in a special solution containing the tears of 12-year-old virgins, all the while chanting a secret Buddhist mantra, then transport them in a covered wicker basket 1000 yards into the woods, where I hang them up to dry on a 100% hemp clothesline, using old-fashioned clothes pins, wood only no springs, over a bush of wild lavender.

Either that, or my wife tosses 'em in the washer along with my daughter's running clothes or my son's football duds.....