First and foremost, you get a little LOL. (but only because I've basically done this before)

Anyway, those screws are only "limit" screws that stop the derailler from going too far in either direction. (one screw for each direction).

The reason it won't shift at all with them both tightened down is that you've basically set the lower limit and the upper limit to the same thing, so there is no room for movement.

With both screws completely out, it should shift, but it's very likely that you'll throw your chain off the chainrings when you do it.

It's safe for you to just put the chain on one of the front chainrings (with your hand) and not to use the front derailler until you either get it sorted out or take it to a shop. Your back one should still shift fine.