Originally Posted by ianjk

1. Build up stamina/learn area. Get drunk by noon at least 4 days a week and pick several random businesses out of phone book and bike to them as fast as you can. Video tape it and analyze tapes when sober on an off day. Take notes on traffic patterns, pedestrian activity, road hazards, place notes on 10'x6' map of the city in your warroom. If you don't have a dedicated warroom, htfu and make one.

2. Sommersaults. 100 a day rain or shine. No slacking here. Science has proven that sommersaults are the bread and butter of every great athlete. Ty Cobb, Tonya Harding, Mike Tyson, Pete Rose, Micheal Vick, Rosie Ruiz, all attribute(d) their success to intense sommersault training.

3. Diet. China Buffet (any one will do, MSG is like rocket fuel for the mind and body) for at least one meal for each of the 5 days before the race, don't ask, just do. Hydration is blown way out of preportion by the liberal media, 5 cups of water a day max (coffee/soda/energy drink is viable substitute).

4. Performance enhancers. Unsanctioned events leave this door wide open. Amphetemines, opiates, pcp, bath salts, whatever floats your boat and gets it to the finish line faster.

5. Bike. If it fits and rides, you are good here. Make sure you have good tires and inflate them properly.

6. Winning. Winning is everything, if you don't win, you lose, if you lose, you are a loser, if you are a loser, you aren't cool, if you aren't cool, well that sucks. DNF if you have to. Fiegn injury, call an Ambulance, call police on yourself to get arrested, whatever it takes. This is the only time it is ok to show weakness.

7. Conclusion. HTFU and have fun.