1. Build up stamina/learn area. Get drunk by noon at least 4 days a week and pick several random businesses out of phone book and bike to them as fast as you can. Video tape it and analyze tapes when sober on an off day. Take notes on traffic patterns, pedestrian activity, road hazards, place notes on 10'x6' map of the city in your warroom. If you don't have a dedicated warroom, htfu and make one.

2. Sommersaults. 100 a day rain or shine. No slacking here. Science has proven that sommersaults are the bread and butter of every great athlete. Ty Cobb, Tonya Harding, Mike Tyson, Pete Rose, Micheal Vick, Rosie Ruiz, all attribute(d) their success to intense sommersault training.

3. Diet. China Buffet (any one will do, MSG is like rocket fuel for the mind and body) for at least one meal for each of the 5 days before the race, don't ask, just do. Hydration is blown way out of preportion by the liberal media, 5 cups of water a day max (coffee/soda/energy drink is viable substitute).

4. Performance enhancers. Unsanctioned events leave this door wide open. Amphetemines, opiates, pcp, bath salts, whatever floats your boat and gets it to the finish line faster.

5. Bike. If it fits and rides, you are good here. Make sure you have good tires and inflate them properly.

6. Winning. Winning is everything, if you don't win, you lose, if you lose, you are a loser, if you are a loser, you aren't cool, if you aren't cool, well that sucks. DNF if you have to. Fiegn injury, call an Ambulance, call police on yourself to get arrested, whatever it takes. This is the only time it is ok to show weakness.

7. Conclusion. HTFU and have fun.

PCP? Really?

Have you ever seen a 120 pound junkie turn into superman and fight off 5 cops? Imagine the possibilities!

Luck might make a difference in the ordering of the top few places, but there is a reason the same three people win every alleycat. Doesn't matter what city you're in, there's going to be a handful of guys who are in contention, and everyone else is fighting for DFL.

You won't be in that handful of guys, but you can still be respectable and have fun.

Your number one priority should be to not look like an *******, showing up out of nowhere and blowing lights, causing accidents, and then placing 16th out of 25.

Ride safe, ride hard, and your fitness and knowledge will determine how you place. And follow other people.

Wear a helmet too.

Best thing I ever did was bring a sharpie and write the checkpoint addresses on my arm, in the order I planned on hitting them.

Not a bad idea actually.

Unless it's freezing out.

Oh and don't forget to bring your crazy eyes. No one messes with the dude with crazy eyes. A few fresh prison tats work pretty well too.

nunchaku

im in denton, tx. thanks for all the good info, like i said, im not expecting to show up and smoke everyone but i would like to not look like a complete dip **** out there. i would love to get a messenger/courier type job but to my knowledge there is nothing of the sort in my area, otherwise i would be all over it.

Looks like someone needs to start a business. Also, if there's no courier scene. Who competes in the alleycat?

Oh. Right.

Mostly on topic: Alleycat in Philadelphia this weekend, sponsored by RELoad bags and Bicycle Revolutions, among others. Custom bags and other schwag for top finishers (over $1k worth of prizes to be had!).

https://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=221756527884714

See also Rides and Races subforum. Start "training".

They just started doing alleycats in Houma, LA.... no bike messengers there that I know of, but heck, I like the idea. Commuters would rock at this, too. These are run by a guy who used to ride in N.O. so I'm sure they know how to have a good time.

this is a funny thread
but in all seriousness, there are only two things you need to know to compete in and win an alleycat:
1. run every red light you see, and
2. piss as many people off as you can

forreals tho i think its just how many tallboys can you drunk while riding no-handed? that guy is the winner.

Exactly. The whole point of the alleycat is that you don't have to train for it or wake up before noon. Have you tried training? It's not fun.

hahaha you guys are *******
but badass

+1 to most original posters.

Know the city inside out flipped upside down. If the organizer lets you know of the checkpoints ahead of time (probs not) ride through those points.

Take the short cuts, and do anything necessary if you really want to win. Running traffic lights, stop signs, and ignoring one-way streets can get you out of the race... into a hospital. Make sure you know your stuff if you attempt any of those; you are responsible for your actions!

Cruise around in the general area the race is held and consider how checkpoints will be handled. Will it be a person handing out ribbons on the sidewalk, do you have to walk up anywhere, which way of getting to a street will allow me to flow with the traffic to the next checkpoint?

Also, what most people forget is that constant movement is not ALWAYS a good thing. Most of the time it is, but if say you pull up and stop at a stop light and a guy turns right, but the checkpoint is one block due ahead, the other guy's wasting his time and energy. It might be better to wait out the light (which is why you've got to make sure you know the city. If the light's a 5 min light, you're screwed) instead. Smarter, safer, saves energy.

Strategize your route / locations before you go full send.
Don't spend too much time on one checkpoint.


PS. And if you're participating in evelina's alleykitten2020,there are some clifbars in the alley to the west of Good Neighbour with MGCC stickers on them
Bring one back to the finishline (10 points if its full, 5 points if you only bring back the wrapper)

I think the advice is about 9 years too late.

This thread is vintage A+ good ****.