I've got three stories.
Story one.
One Sunday afternoon, I was riding along Skyline Blvd. up in the mountains near Piedmount, here in northern California. I noticed a flock of birds in the middle of the road. There were about thirty or more crows. I slowed a little to give them time to flee. However, before I could alter my direction, I realized that one of the birds in my direct path was unable to move. I ran right over him, thinking that he would indeed move. Well, he didn't! He died instantly! I was kinda remorseful about the whole thing and could not take my mind away from the matter, when suddenly I felt something splatter upon my helmet, as I felt a whisp of moisture upon my face. I instantly pulled over to realize that I had just been bombed by a fellow mourning crow.
Story two.
One day I went to some hotdog stand and purchased a couple of chili dogs. I planned to devour the hotdogs upon my arrival at home. However, as I approached my home, I noticed the neighbors having a barbecue. I waved at them and they invited me over for ribs and beer. I started to refuse, but I'm no genuine fool, so I reluctantly accepted the invite. So after a about a slab of ribs, a couple of hamburgers, and several beers, I returned home and placed my hotdogs neatly into the refrigerator. After a few days passed, I decided that I didn't really want the hotdogs, afterall. I decided that I would prepare a nice hotdog lunch for some homeless person or persons near the downtown library near the Civic Center of downtown San Francisco. I therefore, proceeded to fry some french fries to go with the hotdogs that I had reseasoned with cumin, garlic, and onion powder. I added a little ketchup to the special sauce that I incorporated into the chili sauce and wrapped the new hotdog sensations up in foil for the homeless. After parking just across the street from the downtown Main library near Larkin street in San Francisco, I found a convenient place to leave the wrapped chili hotdogs and french fries, inside of a brown paper bag. I walked back to my car, watched and waited, for some lucky homeless person to discover the wonderful lunch that I had prepared for him/her.
After about ten minutes of waiting...I see this huge Seagull approach the brown bag. He instantly, sticks his beak into the bag, as if to smell or sniff. He then, picks the entire bag up and slings it to one side, ripping the bag apart. As the bag rips, I can plainly see the aluminum foiled wrapped hotdogs become partially revealed. The french fries were already peering out of the bag. Therefore, at this time, the contents were exposed.
Suddenly, I see about a dozen or so Seagulls appear out of nowhere. They all began to attack the homeless lunch. Within about two minutes, the homeless lunch was nothing but remnants of alimunum foil and shreds of brown paper. After only three minutes, no Seagulls could be found. Only the usual pigeons could be witnessed, scrounging for tidbits...
Story three.
It was back in 1973. I was driving a school bus for the mentally handicapped. After arriving at my home school to make my daily delivery of kids, I step off the bus, open the door, and release my passengers for school. After the last kid gets off the bus, he looks up and says, "Look! There goes some bees!" I then casually look up and lo and behold, just like this kid said, there were indeed, a few bees high up near the second floor window of the school. As I focused in on the bees, I thought..."How strange of it for this kid to notice those bees so far away and distant up around the second story window of this school". I kept staring at the bees. One was a huge queen bee. As I stared and gawked, I noticed that the huge queen bee, began to break away from the other bees. She seemed to be descending and flying on a course towards me. Next thing you know, she's coming directly at me. She's flying so fast, that I don't have time to responsibly react. This huge queen bee then flies straight at my nose. I swiped at the bee and hit my nose real hard. I smashed the bee. I also smashed the bee's stinger into my nose. My nose swelled up to the size of a large lemon for a whole day. It took an entire week for the swelling to go down so that my face could begin to look normal.
...All true stories...
- Slim
