Originally Posted by cny-bikeman

Well I tried molasses, thinking that it would be biodegradeable and that if I got stranded I could use it to sustain me for a little time, but flies kept getting stuck to it. Then I tried dipping in heated olive oil (again biodegradeable and edible) and it actually worked for a while, but I kept thinking of Italian food, which of course requires wine, and it's not good to ride under the influence. But my main problem with almost any lubricant is that it attracts dirt and has to be reapplied.

So I found a solution! I just rigged up a system that cleans and lubricates at once. I start with a chain that has been agitated for 3 hours in industrial solvent, moved to an ultrasonic cleaner, blasted by compressed air, and finally baked until a pretty blue color. My pedaling powers a system mounted to my chainstay that blows microburst of compressed air on each link and immediately afterward drips on to it a carefully calculated dose of lubricant composed of 1/3 ATF, 1/3 Mobil 1 and 1/3 gasoline (to make it a "dry" lube). The cycle repeats continuously, so the chain never gets dirty and stays perfectly lubricated.

I know there may be objections on environmental grounds, as the blowby from my blast and lube system does leave a bit of a trail on the road, but I figure whatever I do on that end is made up for by not driving unless it's more than a one mile trip or it's raining.

Now I just need to figure out why my braking has deteriorated lately and my tires seem to be rotting.