I'm so vain I wait until no one is looking before unfolding the piece of newspaper in my jersey pocket and stuffing it under the front of my jersey on long, cold descents.
I'm so vain I keep my hair long enough that plenty of gray peeks out of the back of my helmet. That way all the young hotshots who pass me will think "That guy's pretty fast for someone with one foot in the grave."
I'm so vain I actually wash my cycling shorts, something we tried to avoid at all costs back in the natural fiber age when chamois were made out of real leather that got stiffer and scratchier with each washing.
Now you know the real reason chamois cream was invented.
Brent