I guess this is a favorite topic of mine, apologies If I gather a lot ...
for me, lights send the message: PLEASE DON'T KILL ME
I never worried that the rear lights were too bright. they were off the shelf from a bike store so I expected them to be appropriately powered
in city traffic, a bike flag can be seen above cars, so ppl would know you were there BEFORE they even see you & your lights
I found that drivers would cut back in front of me too soon after passing me. so I added a light to my left drop bar. that made a big difference! it really did. they now wait a little longer before moving back to the right. after they pass the rear light that drop bar light is still in the field of view, which indicates they are NOT done passing me yet
remember you want them to go around leaving 4 feet between you or wait until it is safe to do so
if I'm on a paved bike trail, I will either not turn them off, or use them on steady

think outside the box

was never shy about improvising

remember why you are using them, it's to stand out, not blend in

just like the police & others use. sure we can see them, the lights are a reminder to stay away