I don't know if you're being sarcastic but here you go...
-40 degree sweepback bars
because I found out when carrying groceries in both the front and rear rack bags I had more control going around potholes etc.
-plastic pedals with reflectors
plastic because even if it's rare to hit your shins, the marks from metal pedals can last for years. Also reflectors because once I was in a bus at night and the only thing you saw from a cyclist at night once was the pedal reflectors.
-9 speed hyperglide, not linkglide
because 9 speeds is the most you'd want with friction shifting, Hyperglide because it's faster than Linkglide and also because one poster said mechanics can't stand to adjust CUES
-Hollowtech II sealed bearings
easier to work with than square taper, sealed because the first ones came out with unsealed which got dirty
-Sunrace friction shifters, front and rear
never have to adjust derailleurs, better durability
-36 spoke wheels with Joytech hubs (and using 9mmQR with 5mm Allen key skewers)
36 spoke because it's more realistic for grocery shopping with two racks and two double bags. Joytech because I found fewer complaints online than Formula. Also for Shimano anything under Deore apparently is not worth it, 9mmQR because I had the most insane time doing research on 36 spoke rear hubs that were thru-axle but also compatible with Hyperglide. Trying to find the combinations I wanted was a freaking mystery. Allen key skewers because the wheels won't get stolen as fast.
-158mm Selle Royale Freeway saddle
because 130m and 142mm might be too narrow for an upright seating position
-silver bars, seatpost, stem and headset spacers
black painted parts can eventually rub off and make the bike look old, cheap
-double bolt seatpost clamp
easier to work with than single bolt
KSA kickstand on frame
won't hit your foot when you're pedaling
The rest like metal chainguard and replaceable chainrings are self-explanatory.