Originally Posted by Psimet2001

A Retro Grouch is a old hippie that used to ride their bike from one Dead concert to the next, trading weed for tire patches, usually has granola stuck in 2 foot long beard.

They usually oppose anything "new" made for a bike in the last 30 years, only ride Brooks saddles (and these only because they can't find a town cobbler to make teir our for them). You can spot them easily because they will be the really fast old guys who pass you (riding your beautiful carbon bike) while riding some "great" old steel touring bike with 20 ft3 canvas saddle bag, DT or bar end shifters, cantilever brakes, and clips. If they are a young retro grouch they may have adopted clipless pedals, but will never use anything other than SPDs (usually with sandals).

Moustache handles and handlebar moustaches are often common calling cards. The phrase "Sturmey Archer" is their mating call, and respond readily with "..is real" whenever anyone mentions the name of that iron alloy that contains some carbon...yeah carbon....

They are usually well read, have played an instrument or two, participate in local theatre, and have a secret desire to chuck everything to learn how to be a blacksmith. When not riding a bike they can be found inside the oldest/smallest bike shops in the area, teaching physics at a local school or university, or recycling cans.

They can be lured with the promise of showing them any folding bike design at least 30 years old.

...I can go on....