[rant]

Hey there fellow bikers... I'm a recent lurker on the board and a relatively new cyclist. Just about 10 minutes ago I had my first encounter with a clueless $sswipe driver. I need to get this off my chest, so here's what happened...

I'm getting back from a short cruise up and down the local boardwalk. Residential neighborhood with very narrow streets. There is a bunch of construction going on around here, so there are lots of contractor pickups and such parked all around. I'm approaching a 2 way stop intersection with the stop signs being for the other direction. There is a big pickup parked near the intersection with some construction dude leaning into the back getting some equipment out from the street side. So I slow down to about 10mph as I approach. Naturally, I give a quick glance over my left shoulder to see if I can take the lane and to give the parked car plenty of space. This is where it gets good...

There is a BIG white Chevy Suburban behind me, about 4-5 car lenghts back... but he's not moving faster than me, so I take the lane to pass the parked car... remember, the roads are VERY narrow... accounting for the parked cars, the Chevy IS about as wide as the remainder of the road. So instead of just waiting for me to pass the parked car, the jerk in the Chevy ACCELERATES and passes me as I'm passing the parked pickup. I get squeezed between the two huge cars, a 10,000 ton monster on my left moving now about 20mph and a parked pickup on my right. I was so shocked that the Chevy was trying to PASS me on a narrow road when I clearly was IN THE LANE, I instinctively tried to veer to the right... but didn't make it in time and my left handlebar put a nice 3 foot long scratch down the Chevy's right panel. I kept my balance and kept riding, making a right turn at the intersection. The Chevy went straight.

About a block away the Chevy pulls up next to me and the driver yells to me, "HEY, did you just HIT MY CAR BACK THERE?"

There was zero damage to my bike and I'm laughing at this idiot inside, so I just smile and say, "Kind of a tight squeeze there, don't ya think?"

"That's not what I asked," he spits. "I asked if you hit my car."

"Actually, I think it was you that passed me on the left and squeezed me between you and the parked pickup."

"My wife says she heard you hit me." His wife is in the back seat... He pulls over and gets out of the car. Walks around to the right side and startes surveying for damage.

"Your wife heard my handlebar hitting your car as you accelerated to pass me. I was in front of you and you passed me on a stretch of road that was too narrow..."

Then he goes on some rant about how I have to "share the road" when I'm on a bike. That set me off completely.

"Hey @sshole," I say. "You're absolutely right I have to share the road... but that goes for you too. You have NO right of way to come crashing by me on the left on a narrow street when there isn't sufficient space to make a safe pass. You wouldn't have tried to pass me there if I were in a car, so just because I'm on a bike, you think you can just push me to the side? You admit that I was in FRONT of you and you passed me on the left. That makes it YOUR responsibility to ensure there is room to make the pass, not mine... I was CLEARLY in the lane when you came roaring up behind me, what was I supposed to do, slam into the parked car?"

That got him tounge-tied... "Um... ahh... er.... welll... I just want to be sure there's no damage." The funniest part is, he was so flustered, he DIDN'T SEE THE SCRATCH!!! LOL!!!

"Dude, if there was any damage," I say, not pointing out the scratch to him, "IT WOULD BE YOUR FAULT."

"I don't want to talk about it, there's no damage..."

I've got him on the run now, "Oh, sure, NOW you don't want to talk about it... is that because you know you were WRONG? Try having a little courtesy and respect of others... and don't blame your mistakes on those around you. Great example to your family... :rolling eyes:"

He runs around to get back in his car.

"Oh sure, just hop in and run away. What, don't I at least get an appology for you HITTING ME and then chasing me down and trying to BLAME ME FOR IT? Are you man enough you admit when you f#ck up?"

As he peals out (I didn't know a Suburban could do that) he flips the one-finger salute out the window.

The best part is... he's gonna find that scratch later... hahahahahahahaha!!!!

BTW, for the record... I'm not using this as an anti-SUV rant. I actually own an SUV myself... this is an anti-sh*t-for-brains rant.

[/rant]