Famous Cyclist Disappears

Earlier this afternoon, wife of the famous Tour de France champion, Lance Armstrong, reported her husband missing.

"I thought he was out on one of his long training rides,"
she sobbed. "When I went into his bedroom, his bike was still under the covers on the bed, but he was gone."

Other anonymous witnesses have come forward startling information, which, if true, may suggest foul play.

"I saw him this morning with two men. I almost didn't recognize him, since he wasn't on his bike. But the two men grabbed my attention. One was very well dressed, like a doctor or other professional person, with bright red hair. The other wore a black hood and cape, and was hunched over."

Other stories are even more frightening, because they come not from Texas, but the Snowy Midwest.

"Ya, it was Lance. Two guys were with him, sort of carrying him while he was trying to walk. One had red hair, the other was hunchbacked and pop-eyed. Lance's head was wrapped in a bandage."