what about locking to cross walk sign/street lamp thing? i think i was late once and there was nothing around so i tried locking to a telephone pole. i can't remember whether or not it worked. but if it didn't, i was probably thinking something like "damn, i wish this chain was two links longer" or maybe "once again, this heavy piece of **** slows me down" or "f-ck this mother f-cking chain is too short".

if for some reason it did work, i probably thought something like "nice, i just made it." and then i probably thought " ****, the mother f-cking key that you have to insert into the lock to lock the friggin lock, is in my bag instead of on my hip. why the frig do i need a key to lock? maybe it's because kryptonite or art or whatever wants me to realize how annoying locking a lock with a key is, just to get it to hang on the end of your chain as you ride. and as a result of that annoyance, they want me to attempt to get the lock stuck through a link far enough, so that it doesn't fall out. and then as a result of that, lose the lock after avoiding the potholes that help make the area a slum (which is the reason i have to have an absurd lock like this). mother f-cking paradoxical mother s-hit f-uckers. now i am going to have to drop the chain through the frame to the ground, watch it bash the steel tubing and cringe as a few 'bro-dudes' turn and look and scoff as they smoke parliament lights and talk about hair gel and jersey city. " so then if i was able to lock it i probably thought "oh great, these dudes are gonna say some obnoxious **** as i walk by" and then of course they would say "think anyone will steal it?!?!" as they chuckle at their group effort at comedic mediocrity. and then, clearly, i would just look at them, smile, and in my thickest jersey/long island/sterotypical soprano/mafia accent i would say "nahhhhh, faaahhhghettaaabout'it" and then walk away in confidence.