I've come to conclusion that I need a bike for every purpose. Maybe that mountain bike needs to be just that. A MTB. Put the knobbies back on and hit the trails! Maybe the "big boned" girls need to be grocery getters or maybe a SS/FG conversion for some no frills quick runs........You called it a harem. Harems can have tons of ladies.....Don't feel bad if one sits for awhile. Maybe make a schedule and rotate.

My 2 cents.......From the guy with 30 something bikes in various states of repair.

P.S. You don't have a folder yet do you? Or a BMX? Or a trike? Or a vintage 50's Schwinn? Etc.........
Great post BTW