Supah! You're just the guy I want to talk to.

I have an "order" for a road bike, but with either flat bars or something like you have. His exact words were, "I can't bend over like that, my belly hits my knees, so I need something a little more upright."

So, I'm going to propose about what you have, but with 3x9 STI shifters on bullhorns, or else a flat bar road bike, with MTB stuff. I don't even know if the MTB shifters would work.