As is my habit, I went out to my garage this morning, water bottle hand, to hop on my ride du jour - in this case one of my green Super Courses.

Tragically, I noted that once again, someone or something had been messing with it again and the rear tire was flatter than a pancake.

Given the number of bikes in my hoard, it had been a month or so since I last straddled it, but at that time both tires were aired up fully and exhibiting no issues whatsoever.

Now, this is NOT the first time this has happened, virtually at random. No bike in my stable is immune.
We are not talking pinch flats here - I KNOW how to mount tires, and when (and if) I can detect the source of the leaks, they're miniscule.

-So who is sneaking in and flatting my tires with their nefarious little pins?
If I wasn't one already, it would make me a conspiracy-theory-believer!
...or then again, maybe it's aliens.

Has anything like this ever happened to you?
-Or are they only out to get me?

I'm 100% sure it's a cat.

Probably Robbie's cat is my guess . . .

check for puddles of goo near the scene of the crime.

He does have a few cats, fellas ....I'm laying my money on Maytag.

Could it be Grant Petersen?

Any wildlife walk through?

Do you have a butler?

You mean I'm not the ONLY one constantly getting flats? I blame the heat, the sand spurs, the glass, the roads, the wire shards, the concrete nails, the old tubes, the frayed rim strips, the worn tires....and occasionally the sloppy mechanic! ;-)

I've had tires go flat overnight, or perhaps overtwonights. On the last occasion it turned out to be caused by a tiny tiny tiny pointed thingy like the tip of a wire embedded in the tire. The time before that it was gremlins sneaking into the basement. I know because I managed to get a few photos with a hidden camera. Unfortunately the photos also vanished overnight.

I've had the teeny pointy thingy before. They're really hard to get out of the tire.

I have occasionally had a valve stem blow out at the base, something which almost never used to happen. Perhaps today's innertubes are not well made.

Alien death rays are attracted to inner tubes (Proven Fact). Those rays are probably the reason, from now on all your bike wheels will have to be covered in tin foil. Unless the tires are coloured, aliens don't touch brightly coloured tires, they nasty.

Kids around here have taken to huffing bike tube air, something about that powder inside them...

there's no "perhaps" about it!

Well guys, I suspect some of you aren't taking this very seriously, blaming innocent monkeys, cats, porky-pines, and the like - but I can assure you that these flats are as real as they are mysterious.

Anyway, it's somewhat reassuring knowing that I am not alone...

Hey. Do you see any of these in your garage at night?
I've always been dismissive of these common garage poltergeists, (not pointy enough) but we cannot leave any stone unturned.

There's something to this. Seriously.

Or maybe I go to Tire Discounters and fill with nitrogen. It has to be better than the 80% nitrogen that God gives us, right?

I think you found your culprit, Auchen'. Whatever that thing is.
Looks like it might be a brifter. You haven't gone over to the dark side, have you?
In which case, unexplainable flats will be the least of your worries.

Maybe it's your wife trying to sabotage you ride, as she may want you all for herself! :-) What about bike jealousy, since you have so many, they all want out! :-)

I give up!

Flash

I believe your tubes got heat stroke last week.

There might be something to that, Oddjob.

Ah ha!
You see them too?

For the insurance money maybe?

Nah...

Well, then again,

Not buying it OJ - This happens in the winter too!

I would suggest watching your language: Bicycles born before the era of shock-jocks, gangsta rap and Family Feud are very sensitive to pointed remarks.
Brent