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-   -   Hassle and Abuse (https://www.bikeforums.net/commuting/288737-hassle-abuse.html)

le brad 04-23-07 03:38 PM

I'm curious if women cyclists are harrassed as much more often as I imagine. My girlfriend commutes too, but she has only a very short distance so her harrassment window is small, but from what I gather people don't seem to have a problem telling women they don't know to "Smile" or "You look tired" etc. Does this translate into increased car to bicycle harrassment?

cyclechickirl 04-30-07 05:44 AM

Nyc
 
I don't think I'd risk my life (or my bike) biking in NYC! :)

The thing that unnerved me the most was that it ws another cyclist that raged at me - I expected it from motorists, but from a cyclist? It was the source of the abuse and not the abuse itself that hurt.

cyclechickirl 04-30-07 05:49 AM

Le Brad,

I haven't been biking very long, so maybe I'm not in the position to answer the above question, but generally I've found that women in my office who cycle commute are much more aware of their appearance than men. None of the girls in the office like to wear hi vis clothing or roll up their trousers when commuting. When I asked why, some of the women said that it's more hassle than it's worth to look like a cyclist! They do get comments about smiling and several have been jeered for wearing hi vis clothing in the past. However, none of my male colleagues have had these problems, they roll in in full bike gear and don't seem to notice that some people look at them strangely!

Maybe biking is the same as other areas of life, in that women are expected to look good, whereas men don't feel the same pressure?

cyclechickirl 04-30-07 05:51 AM


Originally Posted by Flimflam
Good to read that you got back on the bike and into the route. A general rule of thumb in life is: People are morons. This extends to the road, too - and people get all weird and testy when you threaten their precious space / vehicle space. As others have rightly said, ignore it or fight back with kindness - some of these raging cagers get so incredibly wound up it's a bad move to entice them into more too, we might be on the upper moral hand, but we are still vulnerable to their ton+ of metal and plastic that they're quite willing to throw in our way.

I try to smile and wave, I don't get much hassle and/or abuse, but having been in various very 'male' environments, such things don't actually bother me - a thick skin was grown in highschool and stuck since. Only where I feel my life is actually threatened or physical stuff starts happening is when I get iffy. Just ride safe and as long as you're withing your rights, then they're wrong. That's good enough for me.

Good luck, keep riding! :)

Sounds like good advice, I don't have the energy to rage against the machines!

Cyclist0383 04-30-07 06:10 AM


Originally Posted by le brad
I'm curious if women cyclists are harrassed as much more often as I imagine. My girlfriend commutes too, but she has only a very short distance so her harrassment window is small, but from what I gather people don't seem to have a problem telling women they don't know to "Smile" or "You look tired" etc. Does this translate into increased car to bicycle harrassment?

My wife who is also a commuter has only been harassed a few times, all by young drunk British male tourists.

ItsJustMe 04-30-07 06:26 AM


Originally Posted by cyclechickirl
Maybe biking is the same as other areas of life, in that women are expected to look good, whereas men don't feel the same pressure?

I certainly don't feel any pressure to "look" any specific way. I honestly don't really give a damn what people think I look like. I wear cycling clothes because they're the most comfortable thing to wear when I'm cycling. I don't "expect" anyone to look any special way.

I've never understood why women put up with the whole face paint and clothes thing. I guess they must enjoy it, but I can't imagine why. A nice smile is better than a professional makeover. I've never personally liked the look of makeup, and I don't really think it looks good, but OTOH it's their choice. I've got better things to do with my time than to worry about what other people look like, and what they look like to me.

MrCjolsen 04-30-07 06:32 AM

Look at it this way. If they're shouting obsenities at you, at least it means they see you and probably aren't going to run you down. I'm far more worried about the drivers who don't say anything because they're too busy talking on their mobile phones.

Do many people get around on bikes in Dublin? I don't remember seeing a lot of bikes there (but that was in my pre-cycling days, so I might not have noticed) and that most people just walked everywhere. I drove through the city center once and wouldn't want to do it again. And at that, I was just coming up from the south coast on my way back to Howth. All in all, I found driving in Ireland a rather hair raising experience. Is biking there much worse? How hard would it be, say, to bike from the city center to Howth?

Also can you take bikes on DART? What about Irishrail? My wife says we're not driving next trip.

briank 04-30-07 06:33 AM

Yesterday I took the bike out in the afternoon for a quick speed trip to blockbuster and a similar experience happened to me. I car came flying around the turn and it was a bunch of high schoolers in some very heavy american car yelling at me. It did bother me a little but I also believ I am super vulnerable on the bike so I

Smile. Kill them with kindness. Works every time for me.
Glad to hear you didn't let a couple of Walnuts wreck your overall drive to ride a bike.


I lost 6 lbs. I'm sure the bike has something to do with it!
Congratulations!!! Keep it up!!

Jolt 04-30-07 06:49 AM


Originally Posted by Eggplant Jeff
I'm with the "smile & wave" crowd. For one thing, every once in a rare while the person honking/yelling is doing so because it's someone you know, and it's embarrassing to accidentally flip off your friend ;).

True that! I once got honked at while out for a run, and was tempted to flip off the person who did it because getting honked at like that bugs me. But I resisted the urge and just ignored it. Then later I found out it was my roommate's dad who honked, but I didn't see who was in the car. Imagine how embarrassed I would have been if I had flown the bird instead of just ignoring it! I don't do the smile and wave thing for stuff like that or for comments/catcalls from guys because I don't want them to interpret it as flirting with them. For someone just being plain rude, it would probably work quite well (I haven't run into much of that so far).

Jolt 04-30-07 07:01 AM


Originally Posted by ItsJustMe
I certainly don't feel any pressure to "look" any specific way. I honestly don't really give a damn what people think I look like. I wear cycling clothes because they're the most comfortable thing to wear when I'm cycling. I don't "expect" anyone to look any special way.

I've never understood why women put up with the whole face paint and clothes thing. I guess they must enjoy it, but I can't imagine why. A nice smile is better than a professional makeover. I've never personally liked the look of makeup, and I don't really think it looks good, but OTOH it's their choice. I've got better things to do with my time than to worry about what other people look like, and what they look like to me.

I don't get it either, and this is coming from a woman! Most of fashion is so impractical--makeup, high heels (and even some shoes that aren't high heels), tight skirts--there are so many other choices, why do so many of us wear such things? I, for one, avoid them whenever possible in favor of a more natural look and clothes I can actually move in. Too bad so many women like to wear the less practical stuff--that makes it harder for the rest of us when we are shopping for business clothes etc.

HoustonGal 04-30-07 08:26 AM

And that right there is why I'm glad I'm in academia - practical, non-fussy dressing all the time.

As for getting harassed, I don't think I've been targeted as a woman. Of course, it helps that I'm relatively tall, a bit overweight (with really muscular biking legs), and usually just dress in plain shorts and a T shirt when I'm on the bike. Lots of people mistake me for a guy from behind.

Jolt 04-30-07 09:26 AM


Originally Posted by HoustonGal
And that right there is why I'm glad I'm in academia - practical, non-fussy dressing all the time.

As for getting harassed, I don't think I've been targeted as a woman. Of course, it helps that I'm relatively tall, a bit overweight (with really muscular biking legs), and usually just dress in plain shorts and a T shirt when I'm on the bike. Lots of people mistake me for a guy from behind.

That's also what's great about nursing--SCRUBS!! Later, as a nurse practitioner, I'll probably be in street clothes, but in healthcare there is much more room for being practical and not fancy while still looking professional.

As a woman, I definitely get my share of comments some days from passing guys (it seems nobody mistakes me for a guy, even though I don't dress in anything too revealing either--maybe it has to do with the purple helmet and the ponytail, along with the women's style bike frame). Nothing abusive really, just the usual silly stuff. It helps to have a sense of humor and laugh at things like that, and just ride on like it doesn't bother you.

thimblescratch 04-30-07 10:19 AM


Originally Posted by Jolt
I don't get it either, and this is coming from a woman! Most of fashion is so impractical--makeup, high heels (and even some shoes that aren't high heels), tight skirts--there are so many other choices, why do so many of us wear such things? I, for one, avoid them whenever possible in favor of a more natural look and clothes I can actually move in. Too bad so many women like to wear the less practical stuff--that makes it harder for the rest of us when we are shopping for business clothes etc.

I am totally with you there! I debate with all my high heel wearing friends that it's just modern-day footbinding. You can't REALLY run in those things. And don't get me started on women's careerwear... all polyester, all the time. It's one of the reasons I became a fashion designer and make my own clothes. I want practicality!!
And makeup... ick... never saw the allure. I have this horrible fear of the stuff. I always wondered how guys could stand kissing that nasty stinky powdery flesh...
</irrational fear>

Anyway back on topic, I'm still scratching my head as to why a cyclist would yell at you. But don't worry about it, unless it happens regularly. In which case you might want to go kick some butt... via kindness, or your preferred method of dealing with mean people :D

donnamb 04-30-07 10:31 AM


Originally Posted by le brad
I'm curious if women cyclists are harrassed as much more often as I imagine. My girlfriend commutes too, but she has only a very short distance so her harrassment window is small, but from what I gather people don't seem to have a problem telling women they don't know to "Smile" or "You look tired" etc. Does this translate into increased car to bicycle harrassment?

Hm, I'd answer yes and no. Based on my observations in traffic and what other cyclists of both sexes relate, it seems to me that men are harassed more often than women and women are treated better more often than men. However, when a woman does get harassed, it's generally nastier and scarier because of an undercurrent of sexual violence that seems to be present in such situations. Women seem to get the best and the worst. Of course, this is all personal opinion, but I've become pretty convinced of it. When all is said and done, I do think I make out better because I clearly look female when I'm riding my bike, at least where I live. Portland is not a sexual harassment-intensive city. Even the downtown contstruction workers have manners here. :)

Jolt 04-30-07 11:02 AM


Originally Posted by thimblescratch
I am totally with you there! I debate with all my high heel wearing friends that it's just modern-day footbinding. You can't REALLY run in those things. And don't get me started on women's careerwear... all polyester, all the time. It's one of the reasons I became a fashion designer and make my own clothes. I want practicality!!
And makeup... ick... never saw the allure. I have this horrible fear of the stuff. I always wondered how guys could stand kissing that nasty stinky powdery flesh...
</irrational fear>

Now there's the kind of fashion designers we need more of! I'm not so good with the artistic side of things though. If any of my friends ever happen to be in that field, I'll be happy to give them recommendations on how to make things that are comfortable, easy-care and don't interfere with activity. And I hear you on the high heels and footbinding comparison--they're not quite as bad as that but they certainly do not allow natural walking, and I've read some things about how bad they are for the feet, knees etc. I don't care how good it looks, if it causes injury and interferes with day-to-day getting around, I'm not touching it with a ten-foot pole if I can possibly help it. Besides, as women we are already potential targets for guys who are up to no good--why wear things that will only make us appear easier (because we won't be able to run very well to get out of the situation)? *end of rant*

Niles H. 04-30-07 01:04 PM


Originally Posted by cyclechickirl
How do I get over this? How did you all react the first time this happened to you?

It has taken some time for me to find ways of dealing with these sorts of things (or people, or events). One way that seems to help is to make those repeated kissing sounds -- the sorts of sounds some people use when calling a pet cat.

(This technique also seems to lighten things up when being barked at (by a dog)(which is actually rather similar to being barked at by a human).)

At times, it is better to make the sounds in your mind, rather than out loud -- especially if it is a real road rager who is already well on the way to losing control.

***
Another way that has worked for me is to say something like 'What an idiot', either out loud or (usually better) to oneself.

I have to say, though, that I am not entirely at home with this. Maybe it's a perfectly intelligent (okay, somewhat imperfectly intelligent) person, who is just doing something a little out of character -- maybe the person is in a bad mood, or is having a bad day, or was just upset by a fight with his wife or boss or coworker or son or father or girlfriend, or just got (or thought about) some bad news, or is just having a hard time in life....

It helps a lot sometimes to be very charitable.

***
A lot of the misery I have experienced (at times, in the past) after these sorts of incidents can be traced to my own reaction (of dislike for the person). If I keep clear of those sorts of reactions in myself -- if I (genuinely) do not get angry or hateful -- somehow my inner (emotional) environment, and my own thoughts, do not make me miserable....

It is somehow lighter inside.

That seems like the best way I have found -- not losing the sense of lightness and cheer and good will for all.

There is a kind of gentle and natural protection that goes with keeping the good will alive and going.

***
Sometimes I just say, 'I hope he comes out of it' or, 'Probably he will become a more loving person at some point' (--and I think this is true: he will ... it may take some kind of learning; it may be quick, or it may be long; but eventually we all come around to being larger, more mature and loving persons).

Niles H. 04-30-07 01:18 PM


Originally Posted by cyclechickirl
The thing that unnerved me the most was that it was another cyclist that raged at me - I expected it from motorists, but from a cyclist? It was the source of the abuse and not the abuse itself that hurt.

Violated expectations are often a shock to the system. Expecting a friend or relative (or 'fellow cyclist') to be loving or understanding or caring, and then being let down....

Cyclists are not always on the same page -- there is some kind of illusion at times that they are all part of one family (and they are in a sense), but they can also do things at times that are outside the expectations that can go along with (or creep into) that picture. Sometimes they can have bad moments or days.

Having minimal expectations can probably save a lot of psychological shocks and buffeting.

thimblescratch 04-30-07 01:18 PM


Originally Posted by Jolt
high heels and footbinding comparison--they're not quite as bad as that but they certainly do not allow natural walking, and I've read some things about how bad they are for the feet, knees etc. I don't care how good it looks, if it causes injury and interferes with day-to-day getting around, I'm not touching it with a ten-foot pole if I can possibly help it. Besides, as women we are already potential targets for guys who are up to no good--why wear things that will only make us appear easier (because we won't be able to run very well to get out of the situation)? *end of rant*

Exactly!! Not sure why most women try to deny this. I also have a hard time imagining peddling a bike with them on. My friend used to argue that she could run just fine in them because they were comfortable. I'm sorry, but comfort doesn't have anything to do with your foot plunging into an akward angle and causing your natural stride to be shortened.
Me: "You can't run a mile in them can you?"
Friend: "well, I can't run a mile anyway"
... I think it's something of a victim stance. Not sure. But I'm happy to see that you and I feel the same way. Be my friend? :o

BTW I'm only 5' tall, so it's not for lack of wanting to be taller. I won't touch them with a 10' pole either!

Jolt 04-30-07 03:19 PM


Originally Posted by thimblescratch
BTW I'm only 5' tall, so it's not for lack of wanting to be taller. I won't touch them with a 10' pole either!

Too funny! I'm only 5'2", so it's pretty much the same situation here. Sounds like we'd both rather be short and functional than taller but not able to move normally!

cyclechickirl 05-07-07 09:48 AM


Originally Posted by MrCjolsen
Look at it this way. If they're shouting obsenities at you, at least it means they see you and probably aren't going to run you down. I'm far more worried about the drivers who don't say anything because they're too busy talking on their mobile phones.

Do many people get around on bikes in Dublin? I don't remember seeing a lot of bikes there (but that was in my pre-cycling days, so I might not have noticed) and that most people just walked everywhere. I drove through the city center once and wouldn't want to do it again. And at that, I was just coming up from the south coast on my way back to Howth. All in all, I found driving in Ireland a rather hair raising experience. Is biking there much worse? How hard would it be, say, to bike from the city center to Howth?

Also can you take bikes on DART? What about Irishrail? My wife says we're not driving next trip.


I'm noticing a lot more cyclists since I've started cycling myself, but yeah, there are quite a few cyclists. I work in the univeristy, so maybe I see more cyclists in my part of the city than there would be elsewhere. The scary thing is that it seems like most car drivers do not cycle, threfore they don't seem to understand cyclists. Also, I think that most drivers here are scared of cyclists, because if there is a collision, the driver is usually to blame!

I still haven't cycled into the city centre, I haven't needed to yet, but I would be somewhat apprehensive about it. Then again, I'm a new cyclilst, so maybe I'm not qualified to give an opinion. cycling in Howth shouldn't be a problem though!

As far as i know, you can take bikes on the dart and irish rail, but maybe not in rush hour - it would just be awkward for you as well as other passengers. Not driving is probably a good idea if you'd like to stay sane while in Dublin!


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