Hassle and Abuse
 

Hi all,

Yesterday afternoon on my way home, I was the victim of road rage for the first time. A cyclist screamed at me that I was "a stuped b***h, get off the road and stop waving my hands around". I might add that I was signalling for a right turn. I expected this from car drivers, but not another cyclist. He shouted this while zipping past on my right (in ireland, traffic stays to he left) giving me a real fright. I was so upset that I couldn't focus for the rest of the way home, when I was shouted at again. This time a motorist yelled at me to get out of the middle of the road. I was in the middle but I had to take the lane, there was no room to share.

I didn't cycle to work today, and I know I should just get on my bike again, but I'm still a bit spooked. How do I get over this? How did you all react the first time this happened to you?

Usually i'm the yellER not the yellEE, but i have been spooked too. By cagers, mostly. The cliche says to get back on the bike as soon as you can. Even sooner.
I say, think of all the fun and good moments you've had commuting, think of how miserable these people are trapped in their metal cages, standing in traffic, and go for a ride, preferably not at peak hours.

Also, get an airhorn, like the Delta Airzound. Serves as a honking-stress-relief device very well. :-)
Visualize that the button is actually located on the stick of a jet fighter, and that each push of it launches rockets at the idiot that you're angry with. Works great for me. :beer:

You should have turned your signal hand into a single finger.... I use to get upset by this stuff but now I just don't give a crap about anything anyone has to say anymore. If they feel they need to say anything, be it by their foul mouth or their foul horn, I simply assume they are complete idiots and will probably meet up with a tree shortly. I quickly forget about the obscene intrution into my mind and go about my business.

Smile and wave. Kill them with kindness. Works every time for me. Don't let this isolated incident keep you from riding. There are always going to be uninformed and ignorant people out there trying to bring you down. This weekend I had a conversation with a rather large person who thought I was crazy to be riding on the roads. She said I would be safer staying in my cul-de-sac and riding. I told her I was riding to and from work so I didn't think that was going to work very well...

Sounds like you may have cut the cyclist off when you moved over for your right hand turn, which could explain his road-rage.

But basically what Fidel said, just get back to riding ASAP and remeber all the fun times.

You get over it by becoming exactly what that POS called you - a b*tch. They don't respect you anyway right? So f*** 'em.

p.s. sorry you got so unnerved, that's gotta suck. Bad enough you have to deal with JAMs, but a woman-hating fellow cyclist, jeebus. If he does that again just push him over as he passes you. What an ass.

Best approach is to have a thick skin. Just ignore them. That's what I aspire to. Easier said than done. I think you are starting from a better mental position than many of us in that regard. I think it's easier to conquer fear than it is to curb hostile feelings.

I am resolved to never fly the bird from a bicycle again. Passive aggressive is my cycling motto. Assert my rights. Don't retaliate if fouled.

Next time...

If the guy is looking at you, just smile. If not, just laugh loudly enough for him to hear.

Ignore the morons and keep on doing what you're doing.

look you know that your not what ever someone yells at you. So why let it get to you. Just keep on riding.

The abuse of morons is like water on the back of a duck.

I smile and wave, regardless of the type of vehicle the moron is driving.

I hate that sick-in-the-pit-of-my-stomach feeling I get when someone yells at me. The most recent was some guy in a pickup who had to yell "Get the F*&( out of the way" at me when I delayed his right turn at a stop light by 2 seconds.

I've also had cagers loudly comment on the size of my a$$.

I really don't do anything when that happens, other than turn red and grumble about all the jerks in the world. I think I will try the smile and wave next time though, that seems like a more productive reaction.

If you don't get back on the bike -- a-hole wins.

No worries darlin. Some days you get the bull, some days you get the horn. Just keep smiling, take it in stride and keep doing exactly what you are doing. When stuff like this happens, give yourself a giggle knowing that by not letting them see they are getting under your skin, you are ticking them off even more. :D

Blow 'em a kiss. I've slacked-off lately and instead given the finger and a piece of my mind if the driver looked none too threatening. I know, stupid but this sort of stuff is a daily thing here in NYC, minus the obviously disturbed cyclist, and frustration sometimes wins over intelligence.

illegitimi non caborundum FTW!

The first time or two I got yelled at I got that sick feeling. the next few times I got mad, now I really just don't give a wank.

they're stressing out to the point of getting mad enough to yell...all those glucocorticoids released will no doubt lead them to gain an extra pound or lose some sleep..their loss.

OMG thanks!
 

OMG thank you all for your support, I hoped for one response, but this is amazing! And I did get back on the bike, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday, with no hassle. I cycled throught the park, and eventually made my way onto The Road where I was shouted at. Glad I got back on the bike, at weightwatchers this week, I lost 6 lbs. I'm sure the bike has something to do with it!

Thank you all so much, this is pretty amazing!

If getting shouted and cursed at is road rage ... well then, you should avoid biking in NYC streets. :)

Glad to hear you got back on the bike!!

I'm glad you're back with it. I do the "smile and wave like a fool" thing, and it always perplexes them.

The OP's in Dublin, Ireland.

East Hill

I think he was being facetious. Or, who knows, she can probably swim :p.

I'm with the "smile & wave" crowd. For one thing, every once in a rare while the person honking/yelling is doing so because it's someone you know, and it's embarrassing to accidentally flip off your friend ;).

But also, being rude / cursing back can, BEST case, result in them going off even more pissed. It can go pretty far downhill from there. So tempting as it is I try to avoid rude gestures (not always successfully).

Like raiyn said, I'm not a small individual... 6' 220#. I just love it when someone says something untoward to one of my friends.... I just step in the way and smile... They usualy apologize... It tends to help when not only are you a Marine, but you look like one!:D

Keep at it... Remember... it take more muscles to smile, than to extend the bird!:p

Billy

I think so, too :D . I don't think she was prepared for uncivility in Ireland, though. Brooklyn's another story!

East Hill

If you're not so big and scary looking and the "smile and wave like a fool" method doesn't work, there's always the "pull out your cell phone and look like you're dialing 911" approach. That's my Plan B, and it has been effective the 4 times I've had to use it.

That is the method I use. That and pull out cell phone and take a picture of the license plate.

I must have 'target' written on my back or something (Maybe its because I'm a 6'2" 145lb twig in cycling gear), because out of all the cyclists I know in Toronto I am easily the most frequently harassed, abused and assaulted cyclist I know. I have been physically assualted a few times when drivers came out of their cars and attacked me. Half of this is my fault because I won't stand down and tend to escalate things by flipping them off or trying to tell them the rules of the road (you might as well just start swearing at them as its just as effective; they will NEVER believe you).

A typical encounter would be a rager coming up behind me honking, so I give him the finger behind my back and everything spirals out of control from there as the driver assumes I am taking the lane to be a public menace or something and makes it his responsibility to do a public deed by putting my life in danger and teaching me a lesson. I will sometimes try to catch these guys and yell at them once they buzz me and stop at the lights. This is generally where they want to fight me or try to swerve into/intimidate me. Me spitting or slapping their car is usually a turning point (I usually do this after they yell a death threat at me). I feel terrible and angry all day/night, thinking about what I could have said or done

Another typical encounter would be a rager coming up behind me honking, so I turn and smile and wave. So he keeps honking, so I keep waving. Then he starts to dangerously tailgate me, and buzz me, sometimes swearing at me as he buzzes by. They treat me basically the same way as if I had flipped them off. I take the high road and don't try to catch up to talk/yell at him though. I feel superior to the mentally impaired and hopelessly angry cager, although my vigilante machoism feels a little sore. I just laugh to myself about what a terrible life the guy must have.

Both work and both have different outcomes; I guess it depends on your current mood. I'd just really rather I didn't have to do either. I've been brushing up on self defense recently, and eventually I am going to give drivers an ultimatum: If they get out of their car in anger, I am going to tell them I take it as a direct physical threat that they intend to make good and will defend myself by any means possible, including beating the crap out them with my bike, their car, the ground, passersby etc. If they try to open the door kick it back in their face. You warned them after all. They are the ones trying to hurt you.

^^^^Somebody needs a hug.;)

In all seriousness though. It seems like you are getting too involved with your encounters. It is good to confront problems but not these kinds of problems. You KNOW that these people in their cages are morons anyway so let it go. You'll be happier for it.

Good to read that you got back on the bike and into the route. A general rule of thumb in life is: People are morons. This extends to the road, too - and people get all weird and testy when you threaten their precious space / vehicle space. As others have rightly said, ignore it or fight back with kindness - some of these raging cagers get so incredibly wound up it's a bad move to entice them into more too, we might be on the upper moral hand, but we are still vulnerable to their ton+ of metal and plastic that they're quite willing to throw in our way.

I try to smile and wave, I don't get much hassle and/or abuse, but having been in various very 'male' environments, such things don't actually bother me - a thick skin was grown in highschool and stuck since. Only where I feel my life is actually threatened or physical stuff starts happening is when I get iffy. Just ride safe and as long as you're withing your rights, then they're wrong. That's good enough for me.

Good luck, keep riding! :)