FreddyV

I had this fight with my wife yesterday. She's a 'bit' pissed off that I don't go riding my bike to work every day.

Her motivation:
I was very passionate about this, but when it comes to the actual point of commuting, I only do 2 days a week. (That's actually the only motivation she gave me, funny thing is that her mom actually knew about this before I did...)

My motivation:
I've not been cycling for a long time. I've done 100km in 2 days and now my legs are trashed. I just wasn't able to do another day of commuting.
Besides that, I don't like riding through certain neighborhoods after dark. Especially not if the bike paths aren't lighted so I am not prepared on what comes my way (other bikes, crazy people on scooters which we seem to have a lot here, groups of drunks...). I've read a bit too much on this subject in the newspapers. In broad daylight you're at least more prepared for that.

Is this actually a useful fight? I don't think we'll get much out of this. I need my body to get used to riding more often. Last week it was 1 day, this week it was 2 days, next week it will be at least 3 days. I can't force my body to go deeper as I did this week. I've got 2 'monster-bridges' to cross each day, but if my body doesn't cooperate it's no use going commuting anyway.

Yes, I will commute more often when my body and work shifts let me. But isn't my wife a bit overreacting?

Arcadia Slim

Why does she care so much? I mean, it's strange that she can't understand your body's need for rest and recuperation. What else does she do to bust yer balls? I feel like we're not getting the whole story here.

cradduck

They have crime in the Netherlands?

ironhorse3

Even though I like commuting, my job requirements don't allow me to do it every day. I think if my wife nagged me to do it (especially the distances you have) I'd surely not increase since this is an unreasonable demand on her part. We call this "reverse psychology." Tell her you want to move in closer, and to upgrade the housing and she will have to get a better job to help pay the increased mortgage and see what her reaction is to that!

On a more serious note, you have to take care of yourself and overexertion / overexercise will have serious health consequences such as weight loss, loss of muscle mass, weakness, cardiovascular stress, and (depending on age / other risk factors) increased risk of stroke and heart attack. I say USE YOU HEAD.

daintonj

Are you missing out the fact that you bought a very expensive bike and a large amount of commuting gear for it to be only used twice a week? If not then she's just being a pain.

Before my wife conceeded to letting me buy an expensive bike (bought today!) I commuted every day for 6 months, joined a cycling club and ride in the evenings. Then finally before I I bought the bike I sold my car to finance it, forcing me to become a bike commuter. I think this was the right course of action in my case as anytime someone completely changes their lifestyle it's worth waiting to see if they'll revert.

ken cummings

Maybe something other then cycling is involved. What is something that she wanted that had to be put on hold so you could get your dream? If you are expected to be Psychic and to know without being told, Oh @$^$#. Otherwise find out what she dreams of and work to get it. Show her you care about what she wants. Or check with Dr. Ruth or Dear Abby.

capolover

I think its a legit excuse to let your leg muscles rebuild a bit.

But if you were passionate about it and spent some cash i think you should do it at least 3 times a week. If you start slacking too much now you might not even be riding in a month's time.

theWolf

My wife was upset about me starting to commute by bike. She actually cried because she thought I was going to get run over on my first day. I calmed her down and told her I would call her when I got to work. She's more accepting of it now and sees that it makes me happy.

Now instead of complaning about traffic when I get home, which annoyed her. I tell her about my ride and the things I experienced.

Gonzlobo

Three times a week is perfectly reasonable for my commute. I like riding the Mon/Wed/Fri routine and driving in Tues/Thursday to bring lunch and clothes (I'm not a pannier guy).

cod.peace

My wife is still not sold on bike commuting for the same concerns - which are not completely unfounded, of course, I have many scars from self-inflicted childhood bike accidents. Yesterday we saw a guy commuting home doing all the "right things" like taking the lane at a traffic light, avoiding cars turning etc. I pointed this out and she responded "you're not going to convince me." She'll come around.

Raleigh531

Tell her you're trying to save some energy so you can still rock her world every night...

theWolf

ha! I point out internet articles & TV ads that say "ride your bike more". She has come a long way in a short time though. She now wants to get a trailer to hull our 21 month old around the neighborhood. Last week we pulled a perfectly fine working cruising type bicycle off the side of the road someone was throwing away. The things that people throw away these days! geez

modernjess

I suspect this rift between you and your wife is not about biking at all. I would explore that.

As far as the biking goes, You will and should work up to commuting more often, But it's important to feel comfortable with the riding you are doing otherwise you will quickly burn out and perhaps not do it at all.

ItsJustMe

Most of the arguments with spouses reported here are that the spouse doesn't want you to commute because they're sure you'll get killed. I guess you can count your blessings that you're not fighting that fight.

Riding a significant distance daily is something you've got to build up to. It sounds like you rode 2 days in a row; I think that might be a mistake. I rode every other day (M-W-F) then 4 days (M-T-R-F) before going daily. Perhaps you should present her with that as an option; schedule which days you'll ride, tell her as soon as you feel you're able, you'll go up to one more day per week, and what your eventual goal is, and see if she agrees with that. If you show that you're working to achieve what she wants, it might be easier.

aMull

He's in the netherlands that's why.

misterE0

This is the reason I'm single. I don't have patience for useless arguments like this. You commute whatever amount makes you comfortable. If you do it more and hate it because it's more than you're ready for, doesn't that miss the whole point? How many days a week does your wife commute by bike? You didn't mention that she does, so I'm guessing 0.

I think she's just looking to pick a fight, I'd stay at the pub for a couple days until that passes. Seriously, you're not going to win this one, do your best to keep it from getting bigger than it should be.

Ask her to be happy that you have some outlet and see if she wouldn't mind letting you manage your own time with it. It's absurd for her to try to dictate what she, or any other forum member here feels is appropriate for you. Good luck.

no1mad 

Before the bike, did you drive or use public transportation? If you drove (and still have the vehicle), then compromise. Drive in to work w/ the bike on Monday morning (or whenever your particular work week schedule begins), then ride the bike home. Then bike into work the next day, then drive home. Back and forth. That way, you'll be building up your endurance by riding daily, which should please your spouse.

velocycling

Sounds like his wife thinks not riding your bike enough is one.

cccorlew

So, what's the issue? Ride the darn bike. Make your sweet wife happy and you'll feel better for that, and the riding.

cerewa

I'm not single, and I don't have patience for useless arguments like this either... yet I find myself in them often...

Banzai

HTFU and ride.

If she can do it, you can do it.

Sirrus Rider

Seconded, Why does she care so much? Did she get a raise on your life insurance? With more commuting trips the risk of something negative occurring increases. It's just the law of averages. Seems she wants you to cycle more even though your risk to danger due both exposure and fatigue will increase.

RogerB

Yeah, me too, and I'd still rather be married than single. I have a beautiful life which would be far less so as a bachelor.

She does not understand my disdain for "sidewalks" and even MUPs. Hey, she's human, but I lover her anyway.

theWolf

I use to love her, but I had to kill her
I had to put her, six feet in under

wait.. damn random thoughts...

FreddyV

Didn't think I would get so much response, but makes me happy to see so much thought put into the responses.

I have to be fair, she does have a point somehow. I said I was going to be bike commuting, which wasn't taken seriously since I never finish what I start. I spent exactly €101.67 on gear I need to commute in a way that I can keep up with. Didn't spend money on clothing at all, just hardware for the bike to be improved so I can ride in good comfort. For instance a set of triathlon clip-ons, so I can head out in the wind a bit more.
This little bit of money I will have earned back, since I receive a monthly €160 just for traveling to and from work. Normally this will be spent on train and bus fare, but when I ride my bike it saves me a bit.
Besides that I can cancel my gym pass because I get enough exercise.

My point is, it saves me about €140 a month which is enough reason for me to go out and commute more. My body does have to get used to it though. Havent been to the gym in 2 months, since that's when my kid was born. I need to rebuild my stamina and gain more muscle strength.
I just can't do that in just a week, I need some more time.
Next week I will be doing at least 3 round trips.


As for the responses on your thoughts:

theWolf:
I have played with several thoughts...

Banzai:
If she can do what? She's the one that works at home and never heads out except for the weekly groceries.

no1mad:
That's a more expensive way than I'm doing now. One 2-way trip fare is cheaper than 2 1-way trip fares.

aMull:
Maybe you can just explain what you're trying to say...

modernjess / ken cummings:
You're quite right I guess. I guess her problem is that I never finish what I start. However, it should be a good thing, when I never finish my commuting, right?

Raleigh531:
I will use that one... OFTEN!

daintonj:
No large amounts of money involved, as read above. I bought my gear long ago. The bike was bought because she thought I needed a new one, in 2004...

cradduck:
Just because I live thousands of miles from cali, it doesn't mean we don't have crime here. I don't really understand where you got that thought...