It isn't "the coward's way out", it's a recognition of the truth of that old adage about horses and water, and also (perhaps) a dose of humility and a recognition that you don't know everything, and you don't necessarily know what's best for someone else. Look, I won't even go there about whether he's the stupid one and you're the smart one -- he's making his decisions and facingthe consequences, and you're not. Assuming you're right and this guy is just simply being stupid and self-destructive...well, guess what, a lot of people do stupid and self-destructive things, but they are the only ones that can change their behavior. Do you think that all the alcoholics and drug addicts in the world are simply people who never had anybody bother to tell them about the dangers of their behavior? Hah. You may be utterly convinced of the need for someone to correct their behavior in a certain way, but you're not in charge of their life, and they will change that behavior if and when and ONLY if and when they come to that conclusion themselves.

You really nailed down the bottom line in the bold print, and I agree with your sentiments on the whole. I would argue two points, though. First, very few people have the courage or care enough to confront someone about their self-destructive behavior. If you have more than a couple people in your life who will directly tell you: "You're ****ing up", you're lucky.

The other issue I would argue is that there is a point where you do know what is best for someone else (even though it's unlikely you can change their behavior). If he was simply drinking too much, I'd mind my own business. But the fact that his behavior is so clearly dangerous is what left me with a moral dilemna.

Listening for traffic approaching behind you, and then trying to cross both lanes before they reach you, without even looking, crosses that line. If he continues this method of riding, another accident seems almost inevitable. If this guy was my close friend, or my brother, then I would confront him, whatever the consequences.

You know Chewy, it sounds like this guy is one of those people who, for whatever reason, once they get hold of the stick, Never. Let. Go. If its the wrong end, doesn't matter, they will not let go.

I liken them to a PROM, Programmable Read Only Memory chip. There are versions of these that you can re-program, but these people seem to have been equipped with the cheap, once only kind.

Having worked with someone who would not change a way of working that *I* taught him, ( the change was because of a special case ) I have given up on such people, if they don't get it, that's it, I tried.

Good on you for your effort, but let it go.

It feels bad telling a friend they were wrong, but do it anyway since you care about them. They might not make the same mistake again. I'm currently trying to convince my friend to get a helmet and lights, as he took a car's right of way and got hit in the dark and rain. Luckily he was okay. He rides a lot and I got him into it, so I feel responsible. We mostly used to ride together, but since I left town I can't ride with him. These cars will kill us sooner or later if we don't stick together.

"Unlikely"? It's impossible. They will change their behavior if they choose to do so.

You can pull people's coats, sure. You can not change their behavior. You can not fix their problems. Once you've pulled their coat, all you can do is walk away. Lack of "courage" or "care" has nothing to do with it.

"Unlikely"? It's impossible.

Oh come now! It certainly is POSSIBLE. Chewy could wrestle him to the floor and then NAIL the helmet onto his head. Then frog-march him out to the parking lot and put a mirror on his bike. Follow him home while keeping a Glock pointed at his skull. If he does anything stupid or reckless fire a "warning shot" into his brain. BEHOLD! A safe bike rider!

^^^
A former fireman already tried something like that.

Safe as houses -- ain't no way he's gonna get into trouble like that!