cehowardGS

Well, when my wife of 3 years came on board, I was roadracing motorcycles, (VIR/Barber/Road Atlanta/Daytona/BeaverRun/JenningsGP) and for me to put my skinny butt on the bicycle, she was happy.

However, through all my motorcycle racing, and riding motorcycles on the street, I am more fearful of the bicycle on the street then anything on the motorcycle. Why? Because you have no protective gear except for the little helmet. Whereas, on the motorcycle, you not only have protective gear head to toe, you also have the ability to cut and run out of the way of danger. Not so on the bicycle in traffic..

Riding a bicycle in traffic is a dangerous proposition, period. I am not brave even a little bit, but I LOVE RIDING THE BICYCLE. I commute 5 days a week, with 7 different bicycles..

I am on the 88 Ironman today.. Sweetness on two wheels!!

Get the wife a bike, take her riding (not in traffic)and that's it!!

locolobo13 

If your wife can't/won't do the ride with you try Skippys suggestion. Take her for a drive and show her the route that way.

Surrealdeal

My wife was initially apprehensive about me commuting by bike, but the dramatic positive effect it has had on both my health and attitude have won her over. Now she is primarily concerned only with a few things - getting a flat or something on the way home and running late for dinner, a larger scale mechanical breakdown that forces her to come pick my sorry butt up, and the unknown - she now trusts that I am a competent cyclist but that doesn't mean that I share the road with competent motorists.

If your wife is a reasonable person she will be willing to consider your point of view in time, and she will stop allowing other people to meddle in your relationship.

In all fairness to your wife - Is there anything about your route that is blatantly unsafe? I know that you said that you are avoiding busy roads where you can, but with that said are there still stretches where you're hopping on the freeway and drafting semis or anything?

alan s 

Isn't the OP also allowing other people to "meddle in their relationship" by posting on BF?

keystothekid

I'd say it depends on what kind of person your wife is. My longtime girlfriend got a little anxious about my commuting, especially when I used to have to bike in the dark. I also did a lot of training rides at night because I lived in the south and after dark the weather would be perfect But, have since moved to an urban center and she now bikes to school daily. I got her hooked on riding casually and now that we live in a city she bikes to school every day. She's on her bike more often than I am! Shorter rides, but she pushes me to do more. She's a really logic based girl so I used the facts of biking safety vs. driving safety and she got on board. Also, we're really into preserving our health so we can be old and wrinkly together--lay that on your wife. "Honey, it's really about my health. I want to make my daily life a workout so that I can be sure to live as long as possible so that we can grow old together!"

My biggest tip, don't share your dramatized close call stories with her, even if she is the first person you see when you get off your bike right after that ride. Save it for your biking buddies over a few beers.

chandltp

Have you explained to her why it's important to you (like you did in your first post)? How did she respond?

We can come up with all the ideas we want, but it comes down to what would make her feel better. Once you've explained why this is important to you, tell you you really want you to support you in this. Then ask what you can do to make her more comfortable so she can be supportive.

enigmaT120

Get a fast motorcycle. Commute on that the days you don't ride. That should introduce some perspective into the discussion.

dramiscram

Very good tip!

Surrealdeal

Well played, Alan S.!

jeffpoulin

MK313's entire post was good, but this part really struck me because it's so simple and true. I don't see how your wife can argue with it.

Perhaps you can make it more of a team thing by asking her to help you plan a route. That way, she has some input about which roads you take.

SlimRider

This might not turn out to be such a good idea, Alan.

The wife's concern about the husband's health and well being could all suddenly convert to greed. Then the OP's demise could quickly become accelertated!

billyymc

Yeah, but we're right.

If I tried all the things to op has, and my wife still was against me commuting by bike, I would smile and pat her on the head on my way out the door.

OP - where do you ride? Do you have an urban commute? A rural one on a high speed country road?

no1mad 

Being concerned at first is normal, but my theory:

She's aware of her friends driving habits. She would rather exert what little influence she has over you to keep you from commuting by bike than go to them, singly or collectively, to pay attention while they're behind the wheel.

What you're wanting to do isn't illegal or immoral. Hell, you could always point out that there is zero chance of getting 'road head' while pedalling a bike...

SlimRider

Solution:

1) Get your wife a bike.

2) Plan weekend rides together as a couple. Make them romantic.

3) At first ride in sparsely populated areas, side streets, bike lanes, MUP's, and parks. Always end your ride at the park just before returning home.

4) Gradually venture into more populated areas and bike lanes where traffic is routinely observed.

5) Always tell her that you're just going to do it for a few more weeks, until you get into "Triathlon Shape". Once, she has reduced her fear and possibly even develop a similar attraction towards cycling, tell her that you think you're just going to stick with the cycling, afterall.

billyymc

You could just leave your bike in the bushes down the street, drive away each morning, park the car and ride to work, then ride home, put the bike back in the bushes and drive the last 200 yards home. She'd be none the wiser. You might have to wear a full face helmet, or a mask. The full face helmet might come in handy if she ever did find out.

Sirrus Rider

My solution you might not agree with... Get a new wife. Lol

bkjames00

I'm not going to lie and say it's the safest route in the world, but I've researched it thoroughly and there aren't any alternatives that are better. Not that anyone asked for it, but here's a rough breakdown. (I live in Atlanta, by the way, so maybe some of you have experience with motorists here...)

Starting at home (first 45-60 minutes is in the dark.. have a minewt Niterider 600, taillights, and 3 other rear blinkies):

3-4 miles in my neighborhood, very residential and then a long stretch of a paved walk/bike trail running alongside a 5 lane road with a median. (by far the safest stretch)

Cross a major 5 lane roadway (following all traffic laws, of course)

1 miles on a very sparsely driven industrial park road (2 lanes). There are semi's (it's industrial after all), but few and far between and the roads are wide.

Next is about a quarter mile of very heavily and fast (45mph) traveled 5 lane road (4 lanes and a center 'suicide' lane). Unfortunately, here I only feel safe riding on the grass and through a couple parking lots (no sidewalks). Getting across the road takes patience.

2-3 miles of industrial park road like above

1 mile on a 5 lane road like above but much less and slower traffic. Here I stay on the sidewalk (some grass). Some people might feel comfortable riding in the lane, but not me yet because I worry about a car coming up fast and getting 'wedged in' if there's another car on their left and they can't get around me. (Does that make sense?)

2-3 miles on a 4 lane road (pretty sparsely traveled so I will ride in the lane but sometimes will hop on the sidewalk if I see a lot of traffic coming up behind me.)

Cross a major 5 lane roadway (following all traffic laws, of course)

2-3 miles on wide 2 lane residential roads

2- 3 miles on an interstate access or frontage road (if you're not familiar with these, they run parallel to the interstate in some places to allow access to apartments, businesses, etc., between highway exits. This one has a wide shoulder about half the size of a traffic lane. It's used extensively by pedestrians (in fact there are bus stops along it).

So that's it. I imagine I may stir up a sidewalk/ no sidewalk debate. But as I explained there are just some places where I would not feel safe I weren't on the sidewalk and I would really piss off some motorists. Maybe that's an indication of the safety, though?

Scheherezade 

I'd go with this angle. Letting someone you love worry irrationally is never a good idea.

bkjames00

Regarding meddling, I don't see it that way. She's just trying to get the perspectives of other Moms. I'm kind of surpised they all think I'm nuts (or at least that's what she's telling me). Of course, I don't know of any that actually cycle in any serious way...

See my other recent post on a breakdown of my commute. It's basically a suburb to suburb ride that requires finding a route that allows me to get around major highways.

bkjames00

Brilliant! Problem solved.

Commodus

Sounds like you're doing the best you can in a tough area. Probably you will get to be more comfortable taking the lane in some of those situations, but that's for another thread.

Perhaps, with these concerns, and your 4(!?) taillights, you're giving your wife the wrong (right?) idea about the safety of your chosen course of action here! If you act like something is dangerous, it should be no surprise that people around you believe that it is.

SlimRider

dramiscram

alan s 

Tell your wife that YOUR new friends at Bike Forums have given your route the *Official BF Commuter Route Stamp of Approval*.

bkjames00

Yep, that'll do it.