It's got kind of a comic book villain vibe to it...

I think there may be a legal issue here. Cosmetics aside, thinner will mean less impact attenuation, and bring it below the minimum certification standards. As you say, it may not matter to you, but can to the seller of such an item. There's a concept in law of an implied warranty of fitness for purpose. Ie. if you sell it as a knife it has to cut (not very well).

Likewise, if you sell something as a bicycle ******, or that may be thought to be one, based on looks, packaging and presentation, then there's an implication that it would offer protection. If that protection is below the generally accepted standards, you'd be vulnerable to a lawsuit based on your having falsely represented the product (even if you made no representations).

Just about the only way one could market such a device is by clearly stating that it's hat, to be worn for fashion. Since few people have interest in hats that look like bike ******* no one makes or sells them.

You might find something thinner that was made for another sport, but IME these tend not to be cool, since their users aren't hammering pedals in the mid-day heat.

I have a tentative plan, to start with this:


strip the plastic off and shave down the raised parts, then cut out all the side pieces and all the extra stuff around the bottom. I'm thinking, narrow the front to back strips by 1/3 or 1/2.

Probably wrap the narrow pieces to keep it from breaking into bits, I have some leftover fiberglass window screen that I'll bet will do the trick. If I can find a way to glue it or otherwise affix it without destroying the styrofoam. Then some fake carbon fiber vinyl on top to give it some stiffness and an official roadie flair.

Conceptually it would look something like this, given a generous imagination.

For this reason I doubt that what we're looking for would be marketed as safety equipment. Something more along this line Bike helmet - Welcome - YAKKAY or for some other activity that is not generally held to require special safety equipment.

Why bother?
It is Mission Impossible. Their quest for nannying can never be satisfied.

As you note, basically all helmets are just styrofoam. If I wanted a lesser nutcase with a "unique" look, as I guess you are, I would de-plastic a regular brain bucket (so I still have all the strap infrastructure), shave down the foam with a boxcutter, and finally wrap it in duct tape. Perhaps colored or even multicolored, in a jaunty pattern. Home Despot et al offer duct tape in colors and even prints, like polka dot (KoM anyone?), zebra stripe, tiger stripe, jaguar spots, hello kitty, etc.

Also, I can't quite tell from your pic, but it might be interesting for you to rig up a special ponytail exit ring, or a topknot channel, or some such.

It is true, but they can be mollified and reassured to some degree. In addition, carrying equipment recognizable as relating to cycling gives explanation to the various degrees of dishevelment, preempting the occasional question or comment.

I've about reached the same conclusion that you have to mod one rather than buy one. Technical detail, I'm reluctant to use duct tape on any part of it, because that stuff eventually gets sticky in a helmet. Annoying. I don't know but I'm hoping that the adhesive vinyl I have won't be so bad.

Ponytail pouch, that's an interesting idea. I also need to remember to leave room to mount my mp3 player and ear buds.

Move to NYC, where looking like a cyclist doesn't get you stares. For that matter, looking like the freakiest weirdo doesn't get you stares here, either.

As you probably know, NYC now has a "bike share" program. This has led to a fashion of walking around with a helmet on, with no bike. Works for me.

Ah, sticky duct tape, that's a good point. That stuff does seem to sweat out its adhesive. Maybe stick with higher quality "gaffer's tape"? But that stuff is pretty spendy, and if you go cheap on it, you're probably liable to basically be back to regular duct tape. Good luck with adhesive vinyl!

Another idea: maybe cut a t-shirt into like 2" or 3" wide strips, and wrap like a mummy? Secure ends with staples? Or how about papier mache? Hell, you could make an entire skullcap out of papier mache! It would be hella light. Make a frame out of pipe cleaners or other flexible wire? Depends on how much energy you want to expend in order to achieve nothing.

I wouldn't be so much worried about protection as I would a poor design causing damage.......not sliding along but catching and spinning only your head leaving you doing a Linda Blair impression without the benefits of Hollywood tricks.

I still have a can of Plastidip rubber spray - maybe just a couple of coats instead of trying something fancy. Or acrylic paint works I think. If it's sealed somehow I think that adhesives will work.

I'm not sure why the o.p. continues to be so coy. It is not attractive in an adult male in general, and is rather unhelpful in the current instance in particular. Beauty is very much in the eye of the beholder, and, although the o.p. finds most modern helmet stylings not to their individual tastes... they sell well. That satisfies those that purvey them and insures that their present design will be maintained for the foreseeable. Some cats there's only a couple.. or one, way to skin them. The two main ways to skin the cat of maintenance of cephalic integrity are an open lattice structure like most Giro helmets or a closed hockey style like most Bell helmets. You will note that Bell makes lattice style helmets and Giro probably has at least one hockey style helmet in their line-up. If there is a third way, even a non CPSA certified one, it isn't available. So we can't show it to the o.p. So, if they want to make money selling one they are going to have to design it themselves.

H

Not being coy (though sorry to disappoint you).

I'm not really concerned about what sells well, or what's standard with Giro and Bell. Or even what sells at all, except to the extent it's available for my purchase. Nor the styling beyond the probably forlorn hope that something less stupid looking won't still look goofy.

I'm not really sure what your point is here. The objectives are light weight, cool, less bulky, less goofy if possible, and inexpensive, and recognizably similar to bicycle equipment. I'm not really even talking about bike helmets. I don't think that any of your suggestions are applicable, but feel free to correct me if I'm wrong.

We're not investigating the relative safety features, just appearance and wear-ability. Valid point, but not under this particular topic.

A modern foam hairnet, eh? Why not make a few and experiment?

- Andy

I took my 17 yr old with me on a couple of errands last week, on bikes. He was walking around the stores with his helmet on, which I thought was a little weird but if he wants to make a statement who am I to discourage it? He'd be amused to find out that it's New York avant garde casual fashion!

If you were looking for a motorcycle helmet there are (or at least were when I rode) options labeled NOT approved instead of DOT approved for the people looking to give the appearance of protection in areas with helmet laws. But one of those helmets wouldn't be what you're looking for here.

I do this sometimes, mainly because I'm too lazy to hold the helmet (or have other things in my hands). I'm glad to know its because I'm fashion conscious

Truth: What you want exists, but costs money and is actually certified.

So, what's the deal? Do you live in an area with "adornment" laws? I chose to wear one, but if you don't want to, that's fine. You don't need to waste time and energy to keeping up appearances unless you're worried about a financial penalty.

Well I really don't understand why we are not investigating the relative safety features since that is the sole point of wearing a helmet. If you have such a huge problem with how helmets look, or how hot they get, you really don't have to wear one! What a concept. In most jurisdictions it is perfectly legal for adults to ride around sans skid lids. I rode for decades without one. Mostly because they hadn't been invented. First helmet I got was in 2008 and only because we joined a tandem club and helmets were required. Now I use one to hold my helmet mirror in place. I've never actually needed it. After six years its getting a bit ripe but that is beside the point. On most trips under a couple miles I just ride without a helmet at all. You're making way more out of this than is warranted. If the coy moniker doesn't sit well with you, how about another 'c' adjective: contrarian. You are the first person I've ever met who found modern bike helmets "goofy". A helmet has never saved my life but they have saved the lives of others. Ask them if they would change a single thing about their noggin toppers. I think they might even think the color of the helmet had something to do with their lucky miracle.

H

Designer fake helmet? Interesting.... so you're a clothing designer that wants to find a safety-item spin-off product? Have you thought about maybe fake mountain climbing harnesses? Or pretend hearing protection? Maybe non-functional eye protection?

I am no designer myself.... but I think I'd start with designer [fake] safety shoes. Maybe use a simple foil in place of a thick steel... as a replacement for steel-toe shoes. Not that toes aren't important. But compared to brains... maybe less important.

Hey... you know we could sleep in these things too! Can't be too careful.

No heck no I'm going to wear it.

Actually my wife wove me a belt out of military grade parachord, unwinds to 90 feet so I could rappel off a building if I was overcome by a fit of action heroics. Pretty cool actually. She also gave me a fake carabiner key ring but I don't carry it.

My earbuds are justified for this purpose.

I sense that you're not following the purpose. That's ok, I'm not out to sell anything or proselytize my point of view.

No it's not, nor even the main point in this case. We have a thread for that, this thread is for something else. I'm not even going to argue or explain it - that's not the topic.

I get it (sort of) that safety isn't your primary concern, but just want to caution you: It is my understanding that the shiny plastic covering on conventional Styrofoam helmets is there so if you hit the ground with forward velocity (Duh?), your head will slide after impact rather than the Styrofoam catching the asphalt and you breaking your neck (generally to be avoided if possible). Don't have any data to back this up but you might be statistically safer without a helmet then modifying one that may behave in ways you don't anticipate.