So I get, from time to time, skinny folkses in spandexes slipping in front of me while stopped at a red light, and it's extremely difficult to stop myself from tailgating the bejesus out of them when the light goes green. So I don't stop myself from weaving to and fro behind them, humming a waltz, and wishing their intimate partners were around to see them embarrassed in this fashion by a fat guy in Dockers and Payless sneakers on a cheap Nashbar single speed.

It's sad, really, my apparent inability to chill out for one freaking second. You're better than me, yes?

I look slow, and get shoaled from time to time by the mountain bike set here in town. Last week one shoaled me and when the light turned I kept on his wheel for two blocks until he turned.

Probably the grey mustache, steel 5 speed and trunk bag, business casual clothes. I have resolved not to let it bother me. Or at least to try.

This happens to me all the time. Sometimes I'm cruising at 21-22 mph and another cyclist will sprint to pass me then gas right after and slow down so I'm playing leap frog with him. Triathletes training on the weekends tend to shoal at red lights when they see me as well and are surprised when they look back I'm on their tail coasting.

It doesn't bother me anymore though, it comes with the territory. It doesn't help that I look like a hipster kid. I guess it's good that I'm closing in on 30 but people think I'm 17.

We've all gotta chill out. When you "gas it" just to get ahead - or stay ahead - of someone else, all you're doing is buying yourself less time on the bike than he or she is going to have. So who's the real loser?

I don't know who's more arrogant. Roadies or commuters...

I may look slow, but I am slow. I've got not a single competitive bone in my body when it comes to being faster than the next guy.

I do, however, get they joys from having a nicer bike than the next guy but he probably feels that way about his bike, too.

We're all arrogant. Motorists look down on cyclists, cyclists look down on pedestrians, and pedestrians wish they were cyclists. It's a vicious cycle.

will be 40 soon.

I'm a roadie who commutes. And I've been riding long enough that I've learned to not let little things like this bother me.

...40 years old, or 40° F?

Thank you. For saying it.

currently 18C. you can see that the stress of the German academic system was shown in my horrible facial complexion!

I don't like bicycling. So, you?

Sure, you guys can say it, but when I talk about you guys frottaging up on your bikes, I get warning notes in my inbox.

Shoaling. Of course there's a word for it.

I look a bit slow. My wife says she loves me anyhow.

You can see that, in a bike sense at least, it's true. I've put myself in the BF commuting Strava group.

I think a roadie has only taken a pull once, and it was in a spot where I came down a hill while he was on the level. He split about a tenth of a mile later when I took the road over the bridge and he took the MUP under it.

Yes, in my circle stopped is most definitely considered slow.

If you are stopping at red lights on a regular basis, you are light-years ahead of me with your ability for chilling out for one freaking second.

*looks up frottaging*

h...hey...

In a serious attempt to increase the speed of my German MTB commuter, I decided to paint my toenails yellow and start wearing scarfs 24/7. This was after a fair bit of Pálinka during a Hungarian summer holiday:

I don't mind shoalers as long as they are, in fact, faster than me. Quite often they just end up going the same speed as me, and I follow nice and close, s******ing each time they look back to see if they've lost me yet.

LOL at the swear filter. Rest assured no racial slurs were intended.

So... Did it work?

Indeed. Each time I go, "Hey, his calves are well defined, and his clothing will let him slice through the air like a dart. Off he will go, like a shot, and I will get home none the later." But each time I am wrong. And then I have to find a new place to hide the body.

Hey, me too!

I don't mind being passed by other bikers, as long as they do it safely (not on the right, super-stealth mode in very tight places, for example). I do mind being passed by cars so that they can stop right in front of me, reverse and park.

Wood chipper

I prefer to look fast and be fast.

with the ladies very much.

people thought the toenails were fun

and the bike got faster over time