Digging around and there is way too many to chose from, at least online! Is there a simple wired cadence and speed speedometer? I've been looking at various models, and... way too many.

My smartphone is a dumb(er) one with Bluetooth 3.0 (it's an LG39C), and I don't need GPS--not because I'm a man and don't need no stinkin' directions, but because my rides are pretty tame, and I'm pretty cheap.

I'd love to see grade, temperature and HR, but I guess you could say I'm unwilling to pay for it. I just got my Polar F6 working so while it'd be nice to see it on a computer it's not that hard to look at my wrist for HR.

Any suggestions? I see the wired Cateye Strada 410, which is likely what I'll go for, but wondered if there was a wired version of some sort out there, maybe with a larger display and/or other features. I'd like to stick with Sigma or Cateye or other "big" names, as I'd like for it to work for a few years.

GPS isn't only for directions. It is also for your speed, avg. speed, total miles, and ride miles,

Switch from the one on your wrist. To one that mounts on you bike, and has an HRM chest strap.

Why, Because you don't have to move any other than your head and a few fingers during ride. Just to see your ride data.

I used to use the Blackburn Design Delphi 5.0, then 6.0. The 6.0 has an altimeter.

It may be hard to find. Since it first came out in 2007. I have two of them. I switched to the Garmin Edge 500, which is wireless. I can check them. If you are interested.

It has friendly interface puts vital ride data at your fingertips. The wireless transmission records these measurements:
Current, Average and Max Speed

Trip and Total Distance

Ride and Total Time

20 lap chronograph w/Real Time Memory

Heart Rate w/3 training zones

Average and Max HR

Altimeter w/ vertical feet climbed and percent grade
Wired cadence included and measures current, average and max cadence. The 11 most popular wheel sizes are pre-programmed for quick setup and the monitor bracket fits standard and oversize bars.

If you already have a few computers in mind, choose whichever one you feel has more bang for the bucks. I've owned both Cateye and Sigma wired computers and had no problems with either one. I still have the Sigma mounted on my hybrid and it's close to 6 years old. If you go with a computer that has an altimeter and heart rate displayed on the computer, you're probably looking at a wireless model which gives you more models to choose from and more money out of your pocket. If you really don't need, or want, a GPS enabled computer, don't get sucked into buying one. I used a Sigma wrist based HRM for years before going with a Bluetooth HRM unit connected to my phone. It doesn't take any more of an effort to twist your wrist and look down at your wrist than it does to look down on your computer. And, if your heart rate isn't displayed on your main screen of the computer, you'll have to remove one hand from your handlebars to be able to move to the screen that displays your heart rate; so there's really no advantage big to having your heart rate on the computer.

Cannondale IQ114 . Cheap wired with cadence https://www.amazon.com/Cannondale-IQ1.../dp/B003LJXZHM
It was recommended here when I asked this same question. I bought one, used it for a few months until I upgraded bikes and sold the Cannondale IQ114 with the old bike. I had zero issues with it, it was a set up and forget for me.