I’m a newbie trying to buy a reliable bike for less than $400 that I can use for commuting, touring and BMX racing. I have a tight budget, so I’m hoping my handgun will keep cars far enough away that I won’t need a helmet. The gun is also handy for dogs that come at me while I ride along the sidewalk and when cars get mad at me when I run red lights. Any other suggestions for dealing with obnoxious drivers?

My LBS has given me lots of advice, but I can save 5% by going online. Would that be ethical? I hear Perfomance is slow with orders, have y'all had problems? The LBS also tells me that Campy parts are all junk and that I should use only Shimano on my fixie (gears are for wimps!). LBS will throw in a LAF wristband for $20. Is that worth it? LBS tells me I should use TriFlow or the like, but motor oil has always worked just fine for me

As far as getting fit, I’d like to use a HRM, but I think cadence should be my guide. I’m also on the Atkins diet, but some say that Atkins is a cult, not a diet. Is Atkins safe for cyclists?

I don't want to look for other people who may have asked the same questions in other threads. Bezides, sum of u make so many tipe-os that I kant reed ur posts. I'd post this on the Women’s Cycling Forum, too, but some bigot won’t let me.

Edit: I forgot to say that this should be a sticky thread and that I need to know which is better, Gatorskins, Armadillos, or kevlar liners. Thanks.

Apologies to Allister, ChezJfrey, Dchiefransom, a2psyklnut, and others for stealing ideas.

You forgot fashion, man. What do all you crazy bike people wear? Why don't I look as good as you when I wear bike shorts? Do they make my but look fat? Does wearing a US Postal Jersey mean that my co-workers will go postal on me? Or does it mean that I'll ride faster, and be able to get away from them? Should I change clothes and shower at work, or just be a greasy sweaty mess?

Sorry, I'm not a troll, just a junkie. Can't come up with much else. Other than :

Happy Birthday!!!

Apologies to A.Troll.

Sometimes new riders are just ignorant in some areas, so they need help from more experienced riders. We shouldn't be too hard on them. Still, I hope they can laugh at themselves along with us. Maybe they aren't trolling on purpose.

I have a big head. Which helmet will fit me?

I have big feet. Can someone tell me which brand of cycling shoe to buy?

Why do road bikers shave their legs? whats the best way if I do?

What does Koffee have against men, and why did she close another interesting thread discussing men's issues?

I was riding against traffic on the sidewalk and this jerk comes out of nowhere and hits my brother's sister's cousin who was riding behind me but I got the whole thing on video because I always video tape what is behind me in case someone strikes me from behind. Of course I whipped around and gave him the stare of death while I knocked out all his windows and flattened all his tires and then hit him. Maybe I should carry bear spray, or a gun, what do you think? Then to make matters worse some policeman with an attidude harassed me and told me to get off the street when I ran a red light. I know I was at fault but that was no reason for him to pull me over! So acting on a tip, I show him my Orphan Anne Fan club card instead of my drivers license for ID so he won't take me in to the precinct and my insurance won't go up. Then this guy steals my bike so I chase him down and twist my bike frame around his neck and he won't pay for replacement......... Ad nauseum...... =o)

Holy crap keep this going! Its freakin' funny!

When I read this quote I felt like asking should the question be, "What size shorts do I buy?" Cause you know what they say about men with big feet.

I rode my bike to go get a hair cut. I asked the barber if I can bring my bike inside. He said sure, no problem. I said thanks. He said, nice bike....

George

what thread was this?

What bike should I buy? My budget is $100. I saw this special at Wal-Mart, it was a pink Huffy for $79.99. It looked real cool because is has full suspension. I'm a 36 year old guy, 350lbs. The sales person at Wal-Mart was really helpful and knowledgable. He said the Huffy would be perfect for me, they are a good brand and real sturdy. He also told me to stay off the sidewalk and to always ride on the left hand side of the road. I'd also like to put clipless pedals on it because I've heard that they would make me faster. I don't want to get a helmet, I think they look stupid. I think I need a lock, because I am going to ride to work and I don't want anyone to steal my brand new bike. Which lock should I get?

Where can i get a nazi cycling jersey?

BWAHAHAHA! ROFLOL! I hope I haven't pulled anything as bad as that...lol!

Underwear, do you wear whitie tighties under your shorts?

Enshrining Lance's ex-wife (stirring up the Koffee factor)

I was going to get a Serotta, but I'm a registered Republican, and I want to buy a bike made in the USA.

I was in a rush this morning so I took my most direct route to work (only 250 km as opposed to my usual 400). I was riding my 1901 clown unicycle (cause two wheels are for wimps – clowns RULE!!), when the driver of senior’s home bus raised his eyebrows at me in what was clearly a hostile manner.

Now I’m usually a levelheaded guy, but this really pissed me off. Even so, I let him off with a light pistol whipping. Unfortunately, when I was trying to jump from the cycle onto the hood of the moving bus to get to the driver, I slipped a bit when my pet monkey jumped out of my backpack.

So my question is, would a monkey trailer have avoided this? Anybody have any experience with monkey trailers?

bump!

This is the best thread ever!

I use WD40 for all my lubrication needs (including my bike) - i have noticed a bit of creaking from the hubs and chain though but I just turn the volume up on my Walkman so no problem

I ride a MTB, but mostly on the road. Also, I'm gay but closeted. So should I wear lycra shorts, baggies, or corduroy cut-offs?

LOL! caloso...back @ ya!

I need some advice. A few weeks ago my MTB buddies who are all single, live for Babylon 5 re-runs, and haven't had GFs in 5-10 years started in on me about wanting to "road bike." I feel embarased when they make fun of me while I'm riding my roadie, and they are on their sweet full suspension Huffys. I don't hear the end of it, and am concidering getting rid of my pink "Team Richard Simmons" jersey and matching pink tights. Should I go back to straight guy biking my BMX thru red lights, on the sidewalk, crazy cool straight guy "street style?"

LANCE SUCKS!!!

I wear Corduroy cut off's or a skinsuit with velodrome helmet, depending on who i ride with.
Can we start a gay guys for gay guys forum?

I saw Breaking Away and thought it sucked big time. I watched most of it inbetween commercials and it had to be the stupidest movie about cycling ever. I can't believe I kept switching back to it while I was trying to watch an awsome monster truck show and demolition derby which I kept missing parts of cause of that stupid movie.

Hold on! That's not fair, you just copied this from a post from about a month ago.

I was wondering which SUV was best: the H2 or the Ford Excursion?