What I have learned on Bike Forums.....
11-04-10 | 11:34 AM
#1
Thread Starter
Senior Member
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 1,945
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From: New York
What I have learned on Bike Forums.....
Here are a few of the things I have learned since I joined this forum. Please feel free to add some of the things you have learned on this forum....
I am to fat for this sport.
BikeDirect bikes are Sacrilege.
BikesDirect bikes are good deals if you don't care about brand names and can wrench.
The CAAD9 is the ultimate bike, which is why most who own one own at least one other bike....
You need neither the nut nor cap on presta stems once they are installed.
The PlanetBike Superflash is "the" rear light of choice.
Dork discs are unnecessary if your bike is properly tuned.
Wrapping your fingers around the outside of your tire and using your thumbs to dislodge the pump head is the best way to remove the head after pumping your tires.
Sheldon Brown was awesome may he rest in peace, thankfully his website is still up and I still send n00bs there for information...https://www.sheldonbrown.com/
“It doesn't get easier; you just go faster” - Greg Lemond
A good ride is one you can walk away from, a great ride is one where you can still use the bike afterwards.
cycling is like the girlfriend you once had, who you knew was no good for you, yet you couldn't get her out of your mind, always treated you like crap, but made up for it once in a blue moon with the ride of your life, leaving you sore in places you're embarrassed to tell your friends about.
Cyclists are the biggest sandbaggers and secret trainers around. They'll say anything to soften you up for the kill. Don't let this happen to you. Study this handy rider's phrasebook to find out what they really mean when they say:
"I'm out of shape"
Translation: I ride 400 miles a week and haven't missed a day since the Ford administration. I replace my 11-tooth cog more often than you wash your shorts. My body fat percentage is lower than your mortgage rate.
"I'm not into competition. I'm just riding to stay in shape"
Translation: I will attack until you collapse in the gutter, babbling and whimpering. I will win the line sprint if I have to force you into oncoming traffic. I will crest this hill first if I have to grab your seat post, and spray energy drink in your eyes.
"I'm on my beater bike"
Translation: I had this baby custom-made in Tuscany using titanium blessed by the Pope. I took it to a wind tunnel and it disappeared. It weighs less than a fart and costs more than a divorce.
"It's not that hilly"
Translation: This climb lasts longer than a presidential campaign. Be careful on the steep sections or you'll fall over -- backward. You have a 39x23 low gear? Here's the name of my knee surgeon.
"You're doing great, honey"
Translation: Yo, lard ass, I'd like to get home before midnight. This is what you get for spending the winter decorating and eating chocolate. I shoulda married that cute Cat 1 racer when I had the chance.
"This is a no-drop ride"
Translation: I'll need an article of your clothing for the search-and-rescue dogs.
"It's not that far"
Translation: Bring your passport.
I am to fat for this sport.
BikeDirect bikes are Sacrilege.
BikesDirect bikes are good deals if you don't care about brand names and can wrench.
The CAAD9 is the ultimate bike, which is why most who own one own at least one other bike....
You need neither the nut nor cap on presta stems once they are installed.
The PlanetBike Superflash is "the" rear light of choice.
Dork discs are unnecessary if your bike is properly tuned.
Wrapping your fingers around the outside of your tire and using your thumbs to dislodge the pump head is the best way to remove the head after pumping your tires.
Sheldon Brown was awesome may he rest in peace, thankfully his website is still up and I still send n00bs there for information...https://www.sheldonbrown.com/
“It doesn't get easier; you just go faster” - Greg Lemond
A good ride is one you can walk away from, a great ride is one where you can still use the bike afterwards.
cycling is like the girlfriend you once had, who you knew was no good for you, yet you couldn't get her out of your mind, always treated you like crap, but made up for it once in a blue moon with the ride of your life, leaving you sore in places you're embarrassed to tell your friends about.
Cyclists are the biggest sandbaggers and secret trainers around. They'll say anything to soften you up for the kill. Don't let this happen to you. Study this handy rider's phrasebook to find out what they really mean when they say:
"I'm out of shape"
Translation: I ride 400 miles a week and haven't missed a day since the Ford administration. I replace my 11-tooth cog more often than you wash your shorts. My body fat percentage is lower than your mortgage rate.
"I'm not into competition. I'm just riding to stay in shape"
Translation: I will attack until you collapse in the gutter, babbling and whimpering. I will win the line sprint if I have to force you into oncoming traffic. I will crest this hill first if I have to grab your seat post, and spray energy drink in your eyes.
"I'm on my beater bike"
Translation: I had this baby custom-made in Tuscany using titanium blessed by the Pope. I took it to a wind tunnel and it disappeared. It weighs less than a fart and costs more than a divorce.
"It's not that hilly"
Translation: This climb lasts longer than a presidential campaign. Be careful on the steep sections or you'll fall over -- backward. You have a 39x23 low gear? Here's the name of my knee surgeon.
"You're doing great, honey"
Translation: Yo, lard ass, I'd like to get home before midnight. This is what you get for spending the winter decorating and eating chocolate. I shoulda married that cute Cat 1 racer when I had the chance.
"This is a no-drop ride"
Translation: I'll need an article of your clothing for the search-and-rescue dogs.
"It's not that far"
Translation: Bring your passport.
11-04-10 | 11:47 AM
#4
Senior Member
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 276
Likes: 0
From: Atlanta, GA
Bikes: 2012 Venge, 2011 Transition, Surly Troll
11-04-10 | 11:50 AM
#5
Super Moderator
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 21,987
Likes: 1,169
From: Ffld Cnty Connecticut
Bikes: Old Steelies I made, Old Cannondales
Yeah ... looks familiar
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Bikes: Old steel race bikes, old Cannondale race bikes, less old Cannondale race bike, crappy old mtn bike.
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Bikes: Old steel race bikes, old Cannondale race bikes, less old Cannondale race bike, crappy old mtn bike.
FYI: https://www.bikeforums.net/forum-sugg...ad-please.html
11-04-10 | 11:57 AM
#6
Thread Starter
Senior Member
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 1,945
Likes: 0
From: New York
11-04-10 | 12:18 PM
#12
Permanent Refugee .......
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 1,256
Likes: 0
From: Okanagan Valley, BC.
Bikes: Steel
Here are a few of the things I have learned since I joined this forum. Please feel free to add some of the things you have learned on this forum....
...
Wrapping your fingers around the outside of your tire and using your thumbs to dislodge the pump head is the best way to remove the head after pumping your tires.
....
...
Wrapping your fingers around the outside of your tire and using your thumbs to dislodge the pump head is the best way to remove the head after pumping your tires.
....
Maybe I'm just having one of those days, but I'm really having trouble getting past this one.
Are you sure you are talking about tires??
Really?
11-04-10 | 12:30 PM
#14
Banned
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 28,387
Likes: 3
From: Santa Barbara, CA
Bikes: Specialized Tarmac SL2, Specialized Tarmac SL, Giant TCR Composite, Specialized StumpJumper Expert HT
11-04-10 | 12:47 PM
#15
Skeptical
Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 62
Likes: 0
"It's not that hilly"
Translation: This climb lasts longer than a presidential campaign. Be careful on the steep sections or you'll fall over -- backward. You have a 39x23 low gear? Here's the name of my knee surgeon.
Translation: This climb lasts longer than a presidential campaign. Be careful on the steep sections or you'll fall over -- backward. You have a 39x23 low gear? Here's the name of my knee surgeon.
Nice post.
11-04-10 | 01:01 PM
#16
Bike Junkie
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 9,625
Likes: 40
From: South of Raleigh, North of New Hill, East of Harris Lake, NC
Bikes: Specialized Tarmac, Specialized Roubaix, Giant OCR-C, Specialized Stumpjumper FSR, Stumpjumper Comp, 88 & 92Nishiki Ariel, 87 Centurion Ironman, 92 Paramount, 84 Nishiki Medalist
You forgot:
"The older I am, the better I was"
Using that truth, I'm planning to have ridden in the TDF. I'm just not sure how long ago I did.
"The older I am, the better I was"
Using that truth, I'm planning to have ridden in the TDF. I'm just not sure how long ago I did.
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11-04-10 | 01:52 PM
#23
Senior Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 13,769
Likes: 3,945
From: Louisville, KY
If you're on your mountain bike wearing everyday clothes you must/will pass one cat 1/pro racer in lycra on a hill that doesn't make you even breathe hard. Or at least that's what you'll tell us.
Anyone who you pass and doesn't wave or drafts you without permission is an *******. Or not.
Helmets are essential. Or not.
Anyone who you pass and doesn't wave or drafts you without permission is an *******. Or not.
Helmets are essential. Or not.
11-04-10 | 02:06 PM
#24
stole your bike
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 6,907
Likes: 27
From: North Bergen, NJ
Bikes: Orbea Orca, Ridley Compact
Cyclists are the biggest sandbaggers and secret trainers around. They'll say anything to soften you up for the kill. Don't let this happen to you. Study this handy rider's phrasebook to find out what they really mean when they say:
"I'm out of shape"
Translation: I ride 400 miles a week and haven't missed a day since the Ford administration. I replace my 11-tooth cog more often than you wash your shorts. My body fat percentage is lower than your mortgage rate.
"I'm not into competition. I'm just riding to stay in shape"
Translation: I will attack until you collapse in the gutter, babbling and whimpering. I will win the line sprint if I have to force you into oncoming traffic. I will crest this hill first if I have to grab your seat post, and spray energy drink in your eyes.
"I'm on my beater bike"
Translation: I had this baby custom-made in Tuscany using titanium blessed by the Pope. I took it to a wind tunnel and it disappeared. It weighs less than a fart and costs more than a divorce.
"It's not that hilly"
Translation: This climb lasts longer than a presidential campaign. Be careful on the steep sections or you'll fall over -- backward. You have a 39x23 low gear? Here's the name of my knee surgeon.
"You're doing great, honey"
Translation: Yo, lard ass, I'd like to get home before midnight. This is what you get for spending the winter decorating and eating chocolate. I shoulda married that cute Cat 1 racer when I had the chance.
"This is a no-drop ride"
Translation: I'll need an article of your clothing for the search-and-rescue dogs.
"It's not that far"
Translation: Bring your passport.
"I'm out of shape"
Translation: I ride 400 miles a week and haven't missed a day since the Ford administration. I replace my 11-tooth cog more often than you wash your shorts. My body fat percentage is lower than your mortgage rate.
"I'm not into competition. I'm just riding to stay in shape"
Translation: I will attack until you collapse in the gutter, babbling and whimpering. I will win the line sprint if I have to force you into oncoming traffic. I will crest this hill first if I have to grab your seat post, and spray energy drink in your eyes.
"I'm on my beater bike"
Translation: I had this baby custom-made in Tuscany using titanium blessed by the Pope. I took it to a wind tunnel and it disappeared. It weighs less than a fart and costs more than a divorce.
"It's not that hilly"
Translation: This climb lasts longer than a presidential campaign. Be careful on the steep sections or you'll fall over -- backward. You have a 39x23 low gear? Here's the name of my knee surgeon.
"You're doing great, honey"
Translation: Yo, lard ass, I'd like to get home before midnight. This is what you get for spending the winter decorating and eating chocolate. I shoulda married that cute Cat 1 racer when I had the chance.
"This is a no-drop ride"
Translation: I'll need an article of your clothing for the search-and-rescue dogs.
"It's not that far"
Translation: Bring your passport.
Some say #2 describes me well, and I suppose the fact no one believes me when I say "this is going to be an easy ride" might confirm that....naaaahhhh
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I like pie
11-04-10 | 02:11 PM
#25
Throw the stick!!!!
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 18,150
Likes: 93
From: Charleston, WV
Bikes: GMC Denali
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I may be fat but I'm slow enough to make up for it.