Jan's Blog Page
04-26-06 | 10:33 AM
#1
Thread Starter
Vanned.
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 1,244
Likes: 0
Bikes: 2006 Motobecane Le Champ SL, 2006 Mercier Kilo TT, 2004 Gary Fisher Tassajara
04-26-06 | 11:10 AM
#6
"I am too busy grinding the hearts of the weak people to powder with the mortar and pestle that are my massive thighs."
Fantastic!
Fantastic!
04-26-06 | 11:16 AM
#7
Elite Fred
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 10,953
Likes: 44
From: Edge City
Bikes: 2009 Spooky (cracked frame), 2006 Curtlo, 2002 Lemond (current race bike) Zurich, 1987 Serotta Colorado, 1986 Cannondale for commuting, a 1984 Cannondale on loan to my son
I haven't laughed so much since the day I discovered Homestarrunner.
04-26-06 | 03:09 PM
#8
Behind EVERYone!!!
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 6,029
Likes: 111
From: Burlington ON, Canada
Bikes: 2010 Specialized Tricross Comp 105 Double
That has got to be the funniest thing I have seen in here since I joined...hell it may just be the funniest thing I have ever read. I loved it!!
Cheers,
Brian
Cheers,
Brian
__________________
A good teacher protects his pupils from his own influence.
― Bruce Lee
A good teacher protects his pupils from his own influence.
― Bruce Lee
04-26-06 | 07:56 PM
#11
Behind EVERYone!!!
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 6,029
Likes: 111
From: Burlington ON, Canada
Bikes: 2010 Specialized Tricross Comp 105 Double
Originally Posted by Hipcycler
I think it's really EURO who set that up there.
__________________
A good teacher protects his pupils from his own influence.
― Bruce Lee
A good teacher protects his pupils from his own influence.
― Bruce Lee
04-27-06 | 11:34 AM
#16
Banned.
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 424
Likes: 0
From: southern california
a portion of the newest entry:
"The Jan has just done the finishing of the stage two of the tour of Romandie. Romandie is being the worst country the Jan has ever been to. It is smelling like cabbage, and the all the women are looking like wooly sacks of potatoes. Preferably the Jan must dine on the liver of fourteen virgins every morning to be strong, but there are not being 14 virgins in all of Romandie, the Jan is thinking. So I am not crushing as many souls as I am normally doing.
Oh, do not being getting the Jan wrong, there has been much weeping and gnashing of teeth as I flow down over the peloton like the hot pink spectre of doom and pestilence that all men know me to be. But the true crushing has not yet done the beginning in earnest. Only once will I open the portal to pain and death and rain down a storm from the darkest of hells upon the peloton. That will be in the July, of course."
"The Jan has just done the finishing of the stage two of the tour of Romandie. Romandie is being the worst country the Jan has ever been to. It is smelling like cabbage, and the all the women are looking like wooly sacks of potatoes. Preferably the Jan must dine on the liver of fourteen virgins every morning to be strong, but there are not being 14 virgins in all of Romandie, the Jan is thinking. So I am not crushing as many souls as I am normally doing.
Oh, do not being getting the Jan wrong, there has been much weeping and gnashing of teeth as I flow down over the peloton like the hot pink spectre of doom and pestilence that all men know me to be. But the true crushing has not yet done the beginning in earnest. Only once will I open the portal to pain and death and rain down a storm from the darkest of hells upon the peloton. That will be in the July, of course."
04-27-06 | 11:42 AM
#17
1/2 a binding 1/2 a brain
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 1,707
Likes: 2
From: Dillon, CO
Bikes: Serotta Ottrott ST, Titus RX100, Seven Sola 29er HT in the works
"The team doctor says that I am worn out, that I have been porking Bjarne Riis' wife too much. I am saying, yes, this task is not being easy, for it is requiring the mountain climbing gear, and the hazmat suit, and the stomach of iron, but I am still doing it. If I am not porking Bjarne Riis' wife, then who will? Certainly not Mr. Fussy Pants Throw a Bicycle Baby Face Bjarne. He is not liking the company of women, I am hearing thourgh the grapevine. It is apparently the truth that the Bjarne Riis likes to hump donkeys."
04-27-06 | 12:02 PM
#18
LSU Alum
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 332
Likes: 0
From: TX
Bikes: 2006 Trek 2100D - 2005 Giant NRS - 2004.5 Giant Suede
04-27-06 | 07:05 PM
#20
Behind EVERYone!!!
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 6,029
Likes: 111
From: Burlington ON, Canada
Bikes: 2010 Specialized Tricross Comp 105 Double
Originally Posted by 60cycle
a portion of the newest entry:
"The Jan has just done the finishing of the stage two of the tour of Romandie. Romandie is being the worst country the Jan has ever been to. It is smelling like cabbage, and the all the women are looking like wooly sacks of potatoes. Preferably the Jan must dine on the liver of fourteen virgins every morning to be strong, but there are not being 14 virgins in all of Romandie, the Jan is thinking. So I am not crushing as many souls as I am normally doing.
Oh, do not being getting the Jan wrong, there has been much weeping and gnashing of teeth as I flow down over the peloton like the hot pink spectre of doom and pestilence that all men know me to be. But the true crushing has not yet done the beginning in earnest. Only once will I open the portal to pain and death and rain down a storm from the darkest of hells upon the peloton. That will be in the July, of course."
"The Jan has just done the finishing of the stage two of the tour of Romandie. Romandie is being the worst country the Jan has ever been to. It is smelling like cabbage, and the all the women are looking like wooly sacks of potatoes. Preferably the Jan must dine on the liver of fourteen virgins every morning to be strong, but there are not being 14 virgins in all of Romandie, the Jan is thinking. So I am not crushing as many souls as I am normally doing.
Oh, do not being getting the Jan wrong, there has been much weeping and gnashing of teeth as I flow down over the peloton like the hot pink spectre of doom and pestilence that all men know me to be. But the true crushing has not yet done the beginning in earnest. Only once will I open the portal to pain and death and rain down a storm from the darkest of hells upon the peloton. That will be in the July, of course."
__________________
A good teacher protects his pupils from his own influence.
― Bruce Lee
A good teacher protects his pupils from his own influence.
― Bruce Lee
04-27-06 | 07:53 PM
#24
Feed me your soul!
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 3,018
Likes: 0
From: Salem, OR
Bikes: Torelli 20th Anniversary, Trek 2000, Kona NuNu
This might be the best thing I have ever read...
It is not being the easy to sculpt this flesh-temple of wonder that we are calling "The Jan." No, it is not being easy at all. Lo, and gaze upon these twin monsters of dark muscle upon which I will build my unholy church. How many road-widows have they made? The Jan can still hear the wails, and he is much comforted. How many children have been abandoned, how many have gone hungry when their fathers were mashed between my horgantuan thigh-beasts like so much mashed-up stuff? The Jan is hearing these questions, but he cannot be granting you an answer.
The victims of these monstrous thigh-beasts are being as countless as the grains of sand on a beach, as infinite as the stars in the sky. To pass between these twin colossi of pain is to pass across the border into a shadow world of death and eternal damnation.
The victims of these monstrous thigh-beasts are being as countless as the grains of sand on a beach, as infinite as the stars in the sky. To pass between these twin colossi of pain is to pass across the border into a shadow world of death and eternal damnation.
