Have you ever posted on a forum asking for advice and gotten the wrong advice? What I mean is, say you want to do X to your bike. Maybe X is something a little out of the ordinary, but it's still possible. Then somebody – let's call him Mr Unhelpful – comes along and asks Why do you want to do X, that's stupid. So you say, Well, I have my reasons. Now, Mr Unhelpful may actually not be trying to live up to the name we've given him; he may be asking Why because he genuinely wants to help you achieve your goal, and knowing why will help him help you; calling it stupid is just his gruffly charming style. Or, he may actually dissaprove, and is posting to dissuade you from doing something he considers to be grossly abnormal and beyond the pale (he's actually itching to call the police). Hopefully it all ends well and no duels have to be fought.

What I'm getting at is, I now feel I owe yankeefan an apology for being Mr Unhelpful on his thread Things your fellow commuters do that annoy you. He started that thread with a simple question: What annoys you? (for example, people not getting immediately to the point). It shouldn't need a subtitle saying If nothing annoys you, find another thread to post in, or start your own to bask in your zenlike calm. In my defense I could offer that I was drawn to the thread as part of my missionary work to spread zenlike calm through the universe. Although there's a grain of truth to that, any student of human nature will know that missionary work often doesn't end well, and for a good reason: people can form their own beliefs, thank you very much.

I came to see the error of my ways thanks to jhill44, who asked

"Shoaling" doesn't in fact bother me; I don't do it, but don't mind if it's done to me even though nine and a half times out of ten I'm going to be passing them anyway. But going to the head of the line does offend my sensibilities in a theoretical way. It's a legitimate gripe. That is a thread for gripes. This is a thread for theoretical gripes.



Helmets
I'm a live-and-let-live kind of guy; I don't mind what people wear, as long as they don't try to make me wear it, too. My problem with helmets is that eventually they will cause an actual war between cyclists, and I abhor violence. This is the [real] reason I've set up a monitoring station.

Trackstanding
I don't want to talk to you to interrupt your concentration, but I wouldn't mind giving you a gentle push to see what happens: would you be able to compensate? Were I to give in to this (theoretical, remember!) urge, I would be charged with assault. I feel the laws should be changed to allow for the satiation of normal curiosity. Anyway, if you're wearing a helmet, you should be OK.

Don't get me started on the possibilities of a domino effect should there be more than one of you trackstanding next to each other.



Unwanted wheelsuck
Many is the time I've been sucked in as if by a tractor beam (will we have tractor beams in the future? All the science fiction shows seem to think so) against my will. Once I ended up miles from my desired destination because I couldn't break free.

Bells
The traditional bell is actually rather nice, aesthetically. My problem with bells is they make me feel I'm being summoned, as if I worked at a hotel and you want somebody to take your panniers up to your room. At least tip me.

Traffic laws
Don't get me wrong, I follow them. But like spare_wheel

I also harbour a certain fondness towards those who feel the rules don't apply to them. I'll explain why later in another post, or an edited version of this one, but I've got to run, I hear a bell.



Traffic laws, cont'd
Laws are the oil we apply to keep society running smoothly. And yet, where would we be without misbehaviour? It's the safety valve keeping conformity from becoming too oppressive. It's a snare for logical fallacies (e.g., a "ninja" isn't being a very good one if you can still see him.) Perhaps nearest to my heart is that it represents freedom, if one of the less respectable faces of that happy state. And bikes are all about freedom.