I've actually seen a response similar to this used. On a training ride, I was riding with a teamate side by side, on a huge shoulder, like 5 feet wide. This obviously overweight beeatch rolls up in a minivan and says
"You two should be riding single file!" (again we were both on the cyclists side of the white line)
My teammate responds with
"You're really fat, you should be riding a bike!"

I think she nearly choked on the cud she was currently regurgitating.

tell her no one cares about her opinion, and tell her to please shut the f**k up.

Just say "I hate people who don't carpool on high pollutions days. I wanna slash their tires" and then get a slightly crazed look.

What hospital did you say? I'd hate to end up there after a cycling related accident!

+1

I agree with the person that suggested kind questions about 'why?'. I do think that you can diffuse hatred much better with kindness than by retaliation with more hate. Sometimes you do have to recognize a jerk when you meet one and walking away is the only answer.

I do support reporting the conversation to the personal manager. It is harrassment and it does create a hostile environment. Your conveyance to work is none of their business. It should be documented in her record.

Instead of the offer of another donut, you might try to figure a way to offer to help them try cycling as an adult. Maybe you could help them recapture their childhood experiences and create at least an occasional cyclist. Yeah, I'm a big stupid optimist, but hey, its better than cursing, slandering and being angry with every anti-cycling jerk I run into.

YMMV

Thank you so much. I'm going to print that out ("You're really fat, you should be riding a bike!") and tape it to my stem. I have been dreaming of such a quip for ages and now I have it. There are lots of variations that can work for lots of situations.

+2

Simply elegant! I wish I'd read this two days ago.

You should be unsettled. Those jokes are not something to take lightly. Basically, they are testing the waters, to see how you respond. I wouldn't take it so well. Given 60K people die on the roadways each year, this is sort of like joking about the Holocaust. (I said "sort of" before someone completely goes off on me, of course, it's nothing like the Holocaust, except for the massive death and dying).

Anyone consumed with such an insane hatred for a harmless individual will be tormented continually by her own attitude. You can bet the rest of her "close" relationships are a disaster.

Oh how I love the concept of Karma. You can always hope Hindus' are right about the whole reincarnation thing. This beeatch is coming back as a tape-worm.

+1. When you are by your worksite, your actions reflect on your organization so certain minimal standards must be met. Hostile, unprofessional, harassing behavior is completely inappropriate, so the personnel manager should know.

I don't believe in tattling, but this is bad enough to justify reporting.

Or she will keep coming back as a bug that is squished under a bicycle tire over and over and over again.

This is my favorite thread . . . ever.

A few weeks ago, I was in three-lane, one-way traffic. I was maybe a quarter mile from my office. I took the right-most lane, following a car. A lady in the center lane partially passed me, then took my lane, forcing me to hit the brakes to avoid being bumped. Then the light up ahead turned red, and she honked at the car I was following (now in front of her). I don't know why she honked unless she was mad they didn't run the light, thereby making her late? Anyway, when she stopped, she had her right blinker on. I wanted to go straight, so I went around her and got behind the car I was originally following, thinking she'd make a right turn behind me. As soon as I settled in front of her, she blared her horn at me. I turned around to look, and she flipped me off and started cursing. So then... (kids, don't try this at home) I brought my fist down on her hood and flipped her off, then went on my merry way to work when the light turned green. Apparently this lady works in my building because as I was in the bike cage locking things up and taking off my helmet, she pulled up on the outside of the cage and proceeded to rant and rave at me incomprehensibly, closing with "I SHOULD RUN YOU OVER!" Made a huge scene. When she stopped for breath, I had nothing clever to say so I simply responded "Toothless idiot. It's really too bad I'm saving the air for you." She looked at me, then got back in her car and went away. THEN... a week later, I got a call from the health & safety officer, telling me that she reported the incident in the garage! The officer then did a personality background check by talking to my supervisor, and came to the appropriate conclusion. I guess what really shocked me wasn't her behaviour, but that she felt so justified in her rage that she felt the "law" would be on her side, and filed a report. Un-freaking-believable.

Good point.

There is a parent whose kid goes to school with my kid. This parent actually told one of the teachers, "I had a near-death experience, and ever since then I've had a gift of seeing people's future. You will be dead in six months." I told my wife that kind of crap needed to be dealt with and shouldn't be tolerated.

This near-death lady actually believes what she tells people!

Remove the valve cores, and tuck them under the windshield wiper blades.

Establish and maintain eye contact.

Pause.

Bat eyes at her two or three times.

Say, "I love you, too" while blowing her a kiss.

Turn and walk -- make that swagger -- away.

I gotta ask...

1) Has it been six months?
2) If so, is the teacher dead?

"I hate people who ride drive in the winter! I want to bash their faces in with a folding chair and defecate on their shivering bodies."

Too far?

Unfortunately, there is a school of thought that believes that part of being assertive involves directing uncontrolled rage at others, even in public settings. The number of people that feel such infantile displays of anger are justified is mind boggling.

People like this need help that you can't provide. However, in the meantime, you can at least report them to improve the odds of corrective action that will protect everybody.

Next time the lady says something like that take out your cell phone and say "I am now calling the police to report your threat." And then call the police and file a police report. Hopefully that will be the last time she will ever say anything like that to you again.

Either that or say to her: "I used to think you were an ignorant moron and now with that comment you have removed all doubt."

You know, I'm sorry, but what always works best for me (in that it puts people in that wide-eyed, slack-jawed, unable to speak mode) is to gather as much contempt as you can in one facial expression directed right at them, and with as much venom in your voice as you can muster say, "Oh... f*ck you."

And then just walk away.

Simple. Effective.