brunop

nah. just tell 'em you called it off cuz you found out that you couldn't ride your bike to work anymore cuz your ball and chain would pitch a fit if you did. if they don't understand, get a new family.

i mean really. like another dude said--what if the OP wanted to go mountain climbin' or skydivin' or somethin' else fun that makes life worthwhile (i mean golf'd prolly be no porblem since that's what fat dudes do for "sport")? but fun stuff. she gonna say no and he not do it? or waste time "discussin'" it? there's room for discussion in how to educate your kids. but not in your own freedom to live like a man.

sheesh. . .

Winter76

What if you promise to wear this stuff:


Full Face Helmet

Arm Armour and Leg Armour

That way you'll be protected!

badhat

youd be protected from getting punched in the face by me too.

donnamb 

+1. I'm done, and I don't even have any "balls" to lose. The OP will do what he will do. It looks like that decision involves trading the risk of cycling to work for the risk of dying in a motor vehicle collision, a heart attack, a stroke, or complications from diabetes. As I recall, people are far more likely to die from one of those causes than from riding a bike. Perhaps his fiancee finds those to be more acceptable ways to die. It's a free country, after all.

These are among the wisest words I've ever seen typed on Bike Forums.


And yes, some posts are missing. Please take my word for it that the only human beings who find "punching women" jokes funny are the ones who have Y chromosomes. For some strange reason, women have a hard time understanding that kind of "humor", and we tend to make certain unflattering conclusions about the men who use it in mixed company. (There are women on Bike Forums besides the 3 female moderators.) Maybe it's because we're more "emotional" than men. Maybe we just don't like thinking about being punched by our husbands and boyfriends. Suffice to say, this isn't the forum to be sharing that sort of humor on.

gobot

I am sorry for laughing about spousal abuse. Honestly, there is only one woman I would actually punch:

badhat

i dunno, my wife laughed pretty hard.

spare me the sanctimony.

badhat

of course she knows whats good for her.

brunop

uncool duder.

badhat

ugh fine

mikeat

hey badhat

badhat

hey man

Saintly Loser

(emphasis added)

Here's another problem you're going to have to face.

What does she mean by "what's going to happen to me?" Does she mean emotionally, or financially? If she means financially, is your fiancee college-educated? Does she have a resume, with a good work history? Does she, or could she, make a good living, somewhere close to yours now? If so, it is unreasonable for her to expect to be taken care of financially by you.* It is not something to which she is entitled, any more than you are entitled to be supported financially by her. With freedom and equality come equal responsibility.

* I am aware that this situation would be different if there were children in the picture, but I see no mention of that in the OP.

orulz

No children. Not yet. She has asked me whether I will still ride my bike when we do have kids (we both want 'em, eventually) and while that gives me pause, a life insurance policy should - hopefully - cover that.

But for the moment, she has a college degree, a decent job, and makes pretty much the same as I do, give or take. Our lifestyle is not such that we depend on both of our incomes, either.

When she asks "what's going to happen to me," I interpret it to mean she means emotionally.

badhat

its not sexist to make a joke about punching a woman.

it might be sexist to make a joke about punching her becasue shes a woman, but thats a different animal.

anyway i think its funny that the joke about punching the "manly man" industrial contractor jaggoff was allowed to stand, but not the one about the woman.

keiththesnake

Marriage is compromise. She'll get over it. She's obviously just worried about you. If you abandon something that's important to you for somebody else's happiness, does that mean that you value their happiness over your own? Is that healthy?

Kotts

Damn straight it's healthy, if it's reciprocal! That's what makes the best marriages work (on all levels). If each of you is willing to give up anything for the other, including the need to have the other give something up, it works great. Leads to some interesting arguments, though. (You first. No, after you. No, please, you go first.)

In our experience, it often leads to something better than compromise between two positions, it leads to an idea that you both like better than either original idea.

Kotts

Kotts

I read the original Poster's edit, and I reiterate my advice. If you intend to go through with this, get some premarital counseling. You two have different perspectives and, it seems worldviews. This can be a real strength in a relationship, or it can be totally destructive. The difference is in understanding how your differences can be constructive (or destructive), and that is what premarital counseling is for.

Otherwise, you're both swinging blindfolded at the same piniata, and you'll bash the tar out of each other before you figure out how not to.

Cassave

Dump her.
Outlawing commuting is only the first of her power plays on your freedom.

Find somebody that loves the idea that you ride.

ChezJfrey

This is the first thing on these forums that has made me crack a giggle in a long, long time! Well done.

Cave

Suggestions:
- Take her on a tandem to get her used to bikes (Nb. on bike paths only; back of a tandem can be scary, no control and no vision)
- Compare fuel bills
- Compare amount of exercise in the day vs. time expended
- Make sure you're doing everything to increase your visibility and safety - look for quieter routes, reflectorize, high-vis vest, helmet and gloves, good lights
- Build cycling into both your lives so she gets more used to it - do the groceries by bike, short errands on the bike, cycle together

Cave

Also, pre-wedding counselling is a VERY good idea for anyone. (Good call, Kotts)

It helps clarify communication lines, helps you recognise each other's strengths and weaknesses and vulnerabilities. It is also a good start to being commited to working through issues together - you won't agree on everything and you need to be able to resolve disagreements.

Tabor

It is 2.5x more dangerous per vehicle mile to cycle than drive. If cycling is too dangerous for her, she shouldn't ride in a car. Also remember that a lot of those cycling fatalities are drunks that had their license taken away and would rather spend their money on liquor than lights for night time.

Tabor

So What? My dad jogged (more dangerous than cycling) and rode a motorcycle his whole life (also more dangerous than cycling). He was killed behind the wheel of his Honda Accord.

boilermaker1

That's because you'd never really punch a man but probably would punch a woman.

badhat

i wouldnt punch anyone you tardcart