PartyPack

A few months ago a couple of guys decided it would be fun to run my martial arts instructor off his bike and then stop a few metres up the road, hope out of their car and mock him. I would love to have seen their faces as he sprang up and jumped the armco in one bound. The driver managed to get in the car and shut his door but the passenger wasn't so lucky. He jumped through the door knocking the passenger out with his forearm, grabbed the driver by the throat and proceeded to have a nice long chat with him about road rules lol.

I've hurled my fair share of abuse, sometimes not entirely warranted, and often fantasied about someone getting out of their car and starting something so I had an excuse to slap them around, but surprisingly most overweight losers in 4WD's (SUV's) aren’t that brave about getting out of their cars




Truth be known I’m glad they never have. Those things don’t always end well.

KingTermite 

Not even to us overweight losers on our bikes!

markhr

that's funny

genec

Taped a copy of the California Vehicle Code to a windshield... using that fiber packing tape. A lot of it.

He wasn't driving until he removed it.

Anything else has just been a lot of shouting and waving.

CB HI

Since you started the thread, we seem to be missing your story.

Pinyon

On a bicyle, the only violent things that have happened to me include hitting a deer on a big hill (I hit one of the middle-deer in a herd that jumped out onto the road right in front of me on a big downhill section last May), when I got hit in the middle of my back with a full 32 ounce cup full of soda from the passenger side of a passing vehicle about 20 years ago (just knocked the breath out of me, and no wreck), and a few collisions that I almost completely evaded with automobiles over the years (side-swiped once, and had two turn in front of me). I have been very lucky, in that I only had to go to the hospital for one of the car wrecks, to get some dislocated fingers x-rayed. No broken bones, and only stitches at an out-patient clinic once.

I've had people yell at me, but never answer back. The silent stare works for me so far.

As for non-bike related violence? I had lots of...experience with that sort of thing growing up, and for the first few years after high school. It has been over 15 years since I saw anyone get stabbed, shot, or beaten up very badly, and I want to keep it that way. I don't like to be around situations where that kind of thing happens, or even to think about that kind of stuff anymore. Bad news all around.

fordfasterr

I wish I could witness a biker pummel a brave cager into a pile of blood and urine.

tee heee

I know it won't be me, I'm not so good at melee combat.

Lamplight

Once had a guy jump out of his car to try to fight me, so I ran around the back of the car and up to the open driver-side door, grabbed his keys, and threw them into some thick bushes.

Just kidding, that's what I'd like to do. I've never been in a position to respond violently (or at all) after being harassed. People here are either too smart to yell at someone when they can't get away, or they're too cowardly to get into a confrontation with the guy riding his bike at night in 10 degree weather.

shumacher

Off the bike:
I hate picking things off the floor. I had a terrible spot of luck with some frozen quiche. I managed to drop, bump, or cause a Rube Goldberg-esque interaction that put the same frozen quiche on the floor five or six times in the three minutes it took to put away my groceries.

I gave a frozen quiche lorraine a serious beat down. I stomped the everlovin snot out of it.

On the bike? I was attacked by a pair of dogs once. One of the dogs caught my pedal to the nose. I'd say that's the dog's fault though.

Ouabacher

Once made a pizza delivery boy cry just by screaming at him after he hit me pulling into the Domino's lot. Another customer yelled at me to chill 'cause I wasn't hurt. Later I felt stupid because I realized it was all a pride thing. I felt dumb because I didn't actually fall down but was sent sailing off my bike at speed into a too-fast-for-my-legs run which resulted in me heel-kicking my own butt across the parking lot. Also, I had absolutely no lighting OR reflective gear and it was night. I learned a lesson that night about visibility requirements and composure.
I experienced the "self butt kicking phenomenon" one other time when I tried to run down a steep and long sand dune in MI. It ended with countless somersaults and a mouth absolutely packed full of sand. Haven't tried that since. See, I can learn.

syn0n

I typically just flip people off, but last week I let forth a hideous stream of obscenities and a double flip-the-bird at a few stupid teenagers who were being stupid in their yard, yelling harassments, etc. Worst part? An elderly man and another cyclist heard and saw everything. I wasn't in a particularly good mood at the time, but I'm not really that person, so that was incredibly embarassing.

LittleBigMan

I once threatened a truck driver with a live grenade.

Then I woke up

ericy

There were some guys who had stolen some of my stuff, and they were selling it out of a hotel room in Vegas. I got together with some of my buddies, and went in. We shouted a bit at them, and waved some guns around and got the stuff back. I think we scared the crap out of those guys.

In retrospect, it might not have been a very smart idea. This could all come back and bite me in the backside .

bmclaughlin807

OJ?

Cyclaholic

Don't tell anyone but I tore the tag off my matress once, although I wasn't on the bike at the time...

OMNOMNOMNOM

I hit a couple of taxi's with my fist when they cut me off or almost crushed me. A few times I've spit on people's cars. I really try hard to restrain myself even when I'm angry. Mainly, because as long as they are in the car they can just run me over. Last time I hit a taxi cab's hood he rode up next to me and swerved at me.

sesmith

Just last week It had a school bus buzz me as I was entering town on a 50 mph highway. His mirror nearly took me out. Needless to say, I was slightly pissed. I managed to catch him on a side street as he was just about to pull away from one of his kiddie stops. I blew by the driver's side of the bus and came to a sliding stop in front of his left front fender, so he couldn't go. I motioned him to roll down the window and told him (actually fairly politely) to give me more room next time as he nearly took me out. He made some remark about it being illegal to pass a stopped school bus...sheesh! Actually, I never do pass stopped school buses...just this time to prove a point. Afterwards, I thought, did I really just do that? I could have gotten myself run over...but it did feel good.

Tapeworm21

I can go from "oh man, what an amazing day to ride," to the nastiest words coming out of my mouth within a single intersection. As a firm believer in the freedom of speech, I don't hold any words back. Sorry ladies.

JeanCoutu

It wasn't while commuting, but going to my brother's place at some point during the summer. I was hauling ass on Rue St-Vallier Ouest, around 35-40km/h. A motorist on a right street intending to turn left on St-Vallier decided the whole right of way thing didn't apply to them but then changed idea and stopped in the intersection? Well, it came so close I was easily able to kick the car. Good thing I was wearing my steel toed boots and all, hit so hard it nearly knocked me off my bike.

In hindsight, I realize my foot could have broken through plastic things and gotten stuck with the rest of my body continuing onwards... Yeah that would have been ugly.

gbcb

I've kicked side panels of cars as they've tried to push me into the sidewalk... but nothing causing any damage. What on-bike "violence" I partake in is usually of the passive-aggressive variety.

Wino Ryder

I beat the sh't out of a guy once while I was wearing a pink 'Mercatone' kit.

That was always funny for some reason.



but seriously, I have yet to resort to actual fisticuffs. I've had a few word tossing instances, but nothing bad. I did have a car load of kids stop next to me at a traffic light one night while I was riding to work. I could hear them all laughing before they even stopped, so I was expecting trouble. They rolled their passenger window down and took a good look at me, within arms reach and full eye contact. Somehow it must've put a damper on their plans because all they did was ask me how fast my bike would go.

I told them if I rode it off a cliff it would do about a hundred. They all thought that was funny and told me to be careful on my ride. Just some nice kids lookin' for a little fun. Too bad they could'nt find it in me.

robcycle

I once had a trucker run me off the road onto a potholed gravel shoulder. I chased him down and cornered him at the loading dock. I gave him more than a few words, some of which weren't very nice, and I think it culminated in "Well be more careful next time, you could have *****in' killed me!" I think he was genuinely scared, and might think about his effect on others. Or he'll try and run us over, 50/50.

... And sometimes I spit on the windshields of cars that try to run stop signs to get my, its a reflex you understand

-Rob.

jens5

Speaking of grenades, I used to carry an empty one bought from a surplus store. Real grenade, lever, pin and all just empty. I carried it in a tank bag of an old BMW motorcycle. My fantasy (never realized), was on a hot summer day waiting at a light. The car next to me with windows down blasting Gangsta Rap. I grab the Grenade, pull the pin and toss it through the window of the car and watch the frantic exit. I always smile when I think of it.

Richard

Lamplight

Best word ever, BTW.

littlewaywelt

I had some kids throw pens & pencils out of their school bus window at me 20 years ago. I caught the bus at a light and emptied my waterbottle into the open windows from the sidewalk as I rode by. I can still hear their screams and that story always makes me smile.

I'd like to think that with age comes maturity. No way I'd risk a crim record for something like emotional gratification bc a motorist does something stupid, even if it blatantly endangers me. That's why LEOs and 911 exist.