Disclaimer: I'm not writing this to get some compassion, just to get it off my chest.

I was riding to work this morning, not even 10 minute into my commute, still on my street.
I take the lane usually because there are cars parked on the side of the road, and there's a blind corner anyway. Safer that way. I've never had a problem until this morning.
As I take the lane, I see two cars behind me, the one right behind me driving quite close. One of the cars honks, I assume it's the one behind me. I turn around and yell "What!". The driver (a lady) makes some gestures which I take to be aggressive towards me. So I yell back some obscenities, both the cars pass me revving up their engines. At the set of lights up ahead, the lady driver somehow ended up behind the car that was behind her, so the other car passed her as well in the process of passing by me, a fact I completely missed.
Feeling frisky, I yelled at the lady "What makes you think your time is so important". To my chagrin, she yells back "It wasn't me that honked, it was the black car". The black car was gone by now.
At this point, I'm feeling like a dick, so I yell back "Sorry about that, I was confused". We go through the green light and she passes me, then she pulls over, I'm thinking to give me an earful, which I completely deserve at this point. I pass slowly, and she's bawling her heart out. Feeling like a dick +100 right now. I stop, and we chat a bit. She was up all night with a little one (me too), and now she couldn't find a house she was supposed to deliver a news paper to. I explain the geography a bit, and apologize a few more times, feeling like such a d0uche.
I could think of nothing I could do to help her at that point, though now I realize I could have tied up my bike and drove back with her to look for the house.
I have a mind to search for the other car and leave a note on their windscreen with details of the incident and my intent to file a police report if it ever happens again.

Anyway, that's my confession for the day. I hope to be a bit more cool headed next time and just smile and wave to the dickheads I encounter. I guess it would be fair to acknowledge that this is the first time I've been honked at by someone in the past 3 years. I did not handle it well.

I've done similar. Even flipped people off to find out it was a friend just being friendly. You just have to chalk it up to live and learn.

at least you talked it out with her. it's not the mistakes we make in life that define us. it's what we do when we discover them.

I unleashed a trashcan of obscenities at someone who blew a stopsign and almost ran me over. When that bit was over and the driver was pulling away, I heard someone laughing and I went off on them: "What's so ****ing funny? Is it hilarious that I almost got run over? What the **** is wrong with you?"
When I ran out of steam, the person responded with, "Could you please chill? I was laughing at the names you called that moron in the minivan. Not at you almost getting hit."

I apologized a lot.

If I'm to be honest my initial reaction to being unfairly honked at is to lash out, not physically (as this is not in my nature or capability) but to somehow annoy the honker in retaliation. This is bad - and is the common human failing that drives forum flame wars. However - here is the best thing to do when someone honks or abuses you in some way ... nothing. Do nothing.

Not a thing. Try not to flinch, keep riding, same pace, same direction, don't look at them, certainly don't shout or make gestures - just keep calmly going as you were. They *hate* this complete disempowerment - it's infuriating. Normally, as a driver, when you lean on the horn it makes something happen outside - but somehow this magic power is all broken now.

I used to pretend that I had mistaken them for a friend - and give a happy wave of recognition. This kind of worked, but it's so easily misinterpreted as giving them the finger (which would mean that you're annoyed - and that something has happened). "Nothing" is far more powerful - you're treating them like that yappy little dog that runs back and forth behind the front yard fence. It is permissible to quietly mutter to yourself "yeah, yeah, woof bloody woof"

As someone above posted, everyone makes mistakes. It's what you do to correct your mistakes that define you. You did good.
This reminded me of an episode in New York (Manhattan, to be specific). I was crossing the street on foot (I had the light) and a cabbie tried to take a right when another lady and I were almost at his fender. I stopped and swore at him liberally, and then proceeded to cross the rest of the street. The mild looking lady who was walking beside me stopped me on the pavement and said thank you!

Living in Chicago and riding the streets often I totally agree with your post. If things get out of hand I get off the street and get on the sidewalk. There are some raged fueled people here and I have seen cyclists "accidentally" hit at the very intersection I pass through when I ride to work, so I just keep a low profile on the street or take side streets.

But I totally know the feeling of making an assumption and then know I am wrong and feel like a heel!

Well, everyone who's cycle-commuted for any length of time has committed similar fouls. Arthur Rubenstein, the great concert pianist once said, "I could do an entire concert with the wrong notes I've played." Chalk it up. Your commiseration w/t woman in the non-offending car was above and beyond. Give yourself credit for what you did not for what you didn't do.

You'll just have to get over the fact that you're human....Sorry!

All waves are five fingered, and all obscenities are said through a smile, if at all. It just doesn't pay to get upset, and the cooler you are, the less gratification the harassers get from bothering you.

Sometimes it takes all the control I can muster to not react to things like that. Often times I don't even glance at them and wonder if that just pisses them off more.

Thanks guys, I was just so surprised that it would happen. Like I said, first time in 3 years.
I really lost it and I hope I meet that lady again to somehow make it up to her. I also want to find out where the jacka$$ lives for future reference (shouldn't be hard, small neighbourhood).

I find this to be a moment of growth for motorists and cyclists. Good on you for apologizing.

Truth of the matter: 90% of cyclists and motorists are good people, we focus on the 10% and base our feelings on minority behaviors.

I love it when motorists ask me for directions and we can see each other as just people sharing the road. This situation had a bad start but a great ending.

Thinking about this a bit more yesterday, I think I came to a different realization. So imagine the situation again: me on bike at front of the line, white car with a lady driver looking for an address, black car at the back. I'm taking the lane, slowing down traffic, the white car is not passing me because the driver is looking for a house, the driver of the black car is impatient that the white car isn't passing. The outcome, driver of black car honks at driver of white car, not at cyclist, to pass. Cyclist completely over-reacts, making a bad situation worse.

In other news, I got honked at again going home last night. Situation: two-lane road, coming up to highway on-ramp. I'm in the right lane, taking the lane again (I don't like being squeezed, this is the best practice in this location). I ride past the onramp entry (on the right), SUV is in onramp lane, passing to my right side, and the driver honks. I was startled because I didn't think I was in her way. I just waved after a few seconds. It was probably the right move since the honk wasn't angry and thinking about it more, I believe it was a honk of thanks for allowing her to get on the onramp to my right, instead of slowing down to let me change lanes.

Saw the lady again this morning. Had a little chat. Maybe I made a new friend. I forgot to give her my card though.

There was a Twin Cities artist Dan Huizenga (forgive that spelling if it's wrong, probably is) that I heard in the 1980s who had a song "Just Like You" that was about making snap judgements about other people and if we take the time to understand other's motiviation, we often find out we have a lot in common. I know this isn't always the case and you will sometimes encounter people who are genuine arses, but believe it or not, most people are just people like us.

I'm reminded of a story about snap judgements derailling good intentions. A young man was running down a crowded sidewalk with a woman's purse. Seeing this, a would-be hero clotheslines the guy and then roughs him up rolling him face down on the sidewalk and putting a knee in his back to hold him down. All the time the hero is launching an obscene tyrade about how thieves are the scum of the earth and what should be done with them. Turns out the guy with the purse was a store clerk and the purse was forgotten on the counter of his store. He was running to try to catch the woman who forgot it before she got on the bus.

Kudos to you for doing what you could to make it right.