On Becoming A Real Man
 

subtitled: How hard is it to be tolerant of someone not yet up to your standards?

There was a thread started here this morning by a new, young rider asking for comments on his bike. As usual several posters jumped at the apparently irresistible opportunity to blast the guy. Not surprising around here . . . inexcusable, yes, but sadly not surprising. Sure his bike had issues, but what do you expect from a new roadie?

What really appalled me was the excuses -- somehow some guys felt justified in their insensitivities. Somehow some guys feel being mean to other people makes them a man, in their own feeble miscalculations. This too is typical . . . among the weak. They feel that insulting and injuring others makes them feel better about themselves and enhances their masculinity.

You don't need to be a psychologist to decipher this . . . it's transparent, it's glaring, and it's pathetic.

I have a suggestion -- if you find yourself so lacking in self-esteem in your life, do what a real man would do and work on your insecurities. Do some research -- the internet is conveniently at your disposal -- and spend more time working on correcting your shortcomings instead of lurking around internet forums pouncing on the defenseless.

Internet muscles disappear when you're face-to-face.

Disclaimer:
I'm addressing just a handful of individuals, clearly not the majority. I'm adverse to internet conflict so I won't name names . . . they know who they are, they walk around with a perpetual chip on their shoulders.
My apologies to the rest of the forum that these unpleasantries had to be addressed . . . and the Mods mercifully closed the thread before I could get this in.

End of Rant.

The thread of which he speaks: http://www.bikeforums.net/showthread.php?t=490575

The part that amuses me is that the moderators continually seem to be surprised when members of this subforum behave spitefully. It's been pointed out again and again that this is the most hostile cycling-related part of BF, yet the response this fall was to add a disclaimer justifying the viciousness instead of, well, doing anything to change the atmosphere. The thread this morning shouldn't have come as any surprise; this is what the (lack of) moderation here cultivates.

Yes, most of the folks here are nice. But there's definitely a piling on subculture here that we'd do well to change.

BikeForums (BF) is owned and run by Internet Brands (IB), who, I have been told, have a sole pursuit of profit. Which do you think would be worse for the books: the occasional newcomer who gets bullied away, or stricter moderation which has, and likely will, drive away longtime members and actual donors of money?

I wonder if any of the daily dramas of BF ever cross the desk of someone at IB. And then I wonder if they care half as much as the people on the forum.

If the goal is profit, then let there be profit. But there shouldn't be shock and awe over the nastiness if the nastiness is a deliberate part of the plan.

:popcorn:

I gave the kid a mostly serious reply. When he finally got around to responding, he chose to focus on the negative rather than keying in on the useful info that I passed. I doubt his sincerety.

It's nearly impossible for us on BF to really gauge what the ultimate goal is, but I'm just relaying what I've been told by some higher-ups.

There are certain forum members who really bother me - certain people whose posts always illicit a less-than-polite response from me. To avoid saying something I don't mean, or something that isn't appropriate for a bike forum, I ignore those people. Saves me a lot of stress. But, judging from my observations of people around me, it's the trend nowadays to rely on others to legislate responsibility instead of being proactive and doing something about the situation.

I still say the kid should go with the bullhorns.

seriously? that post was asking for it... pics of a poorly adjusted bike saying "PLEASE JUDGE ME"
oh so surprising.. also, this is the internet, i don't think even the most hurtful comments can actually hurt someone IRL.

Sadly, you're quite incorrect on this.

I dont think most of the people that post here would have the balls to say stuff like this to people's faces anyway. Everyone has balls the size of grapefruits online.. its a different story in person.

Sadly, like Ive seen on other forums, one day its going to spill over into real life and people are going to be "shocked" when it happens. On one of the other forums I am on, a guy drove from Alabama to Ohio with the sole intention of confronting someone and punching them in the face and it more or less happened.

No one is anonymous anymore... I dont say anything here I wouldnt say to someone's face and I think people that know me outside of Bikeforums will vouch for that.. same people that have seen me almost scrap with cagers that have about run us off the road, etc. LOL.. "HOLD MY ******** BIKE, ILL BRB" comes to mind.

Keep that in mind when you're busy e-thuggin'

I agree with the use of the ignore function (or just looking past certain posts). Would be nice if it weren't needed as much in this subforum than anywhere else on the site, though.

I dunno, I think the problem ran both ways on that thread. You can be different, and people don't get too excited about that. But when you jump into an internet forum and ask "what do you think about that?", you've got to expect the answers to come.

Excuse me.

EXCUSE ME!!

You can't blame others for your own irresponsibility. No one has a gun to your head forcing you to be unsociable, intolerant, callous or a meanie. We're talking about basic social skills here . . . when you're talking to somebody face to face you treat them with respect or risk getting punched in the face. Why can't that same respect extend to the internet?

The attitude on this forum is directly reflective of its leadership.
The leadership I'm refering to is not the Mods or IBL but the folks that post here the most often.
I've been spending increasing more time on other forums because I get better a sense of community there. Over there, it is Cyclist talking about cycling with other Cyclists.

This forum... not so much.

I've made use of the ignore list. The forum gets more and more civilized as the list grows. It's pretty sad.

This is a rather hostile section. Unfortunately, I've often not posted a question here knowing what will happen. I use other forums to get answers to my questions. Pretty sad state of affairs when that happens.

If the motive is profit, the forum will do better with a larger membership list. A larger membership list is much more likely with a civilized and respectable forum. Not with a hostile one that scares off new members.

Oh, I don't know about that.

http://img.slate.com/media/1/123125/..._GW_bushEX.jpg

Because on the Internet there isn't an immediate risk of "getting punched in the face".

I disagree with some of what you are saying about not treating people this way face to face. I see it all the time, good natured ribbing that is. It is not typically how we introduce ourselves to each other, but the internet gives rise to a little bit of a different interpersonal dynamic. I think we expect folks to understand the mild hazing as a welcome to the forum, but it doesn't always come off that way.

+1.

+1.

I think the fact that you had to create this thread means that you have issues. HTFU.

Nice.

While I agree with the OP that sometimes the road nazi's are a tad harsh, having just read the thread in question I can't help but think that LUUUUKE was bored and trolling.

Sorry, but that's just the way I see it.

My observation is that when you visit a discussion oriented website, the forum that has the most traffic is the one in which everybody ****s with everybody else.

If you have to make use of an 'ignore list' because you are incapable of letting stuff roll off your back, you have far bigger problems. Like a complete inability to relax. That would also indicate you are taking this stupid place seriously, and that's your first mistake. HTFU? More like LTFU.